An Ignominious End
by Flarn
Summary: Love is a powerful sorcery, Lina; when your voice is silenced and your hands are bound, it is the fiery might of a Dragon Slave, cast with the power of your heart. When the darkness comes, as it does for all of us, sooner or later, it will be your light.
1. Slugs and Snails

(Standard disclaimers apply)   
  
Author's note:  
This story contains mature themes torture, both physical   
and mental, and generally frightening scenes which are   
not suitable for a young or sensitive audience. It will   
also, eventually contain Lemon elements, but these will   
be posted separately so you can skip over them. Oh, and   
I'm not being mean to Lina because I don't like her -  
she's actually my favourite character and I'm giving her  
plenty of chocolate to cheer her up. :)  
  
  
_An Ignominious End_ by Flarn  
  
  
*Part 1*  
  
ignominious adj. 1) Marked by or involving   
dishonour or disgrace; shameful. 2) Meriting   
disgrace; despicable. 3) Tending to diminish   
one's self respect.  
  
  
When Lina did not come down to breakfast, that was the first clue that something was wrong.  
  
Gourry sat at the table, eating bacon and eggs - four helpings - and thinking about his journeys with the red-haired sorceress since they had last parted ways with the rest of the group.  
  
Although it was true that the swordsman was not considered gifted in the mental department, he knew enough, after travelling with Lina for more than two years, to be able to predict her habits. She was like a small dynamo, a ball of fire, and also a creature of habit. He knew she would no more miss breakfast than he would - not even when she was experiencing 'that time of the month'.  
  
He thought about what they had been through together. They'd had a lot of fun times, and also unsettling ones... Like that lingering feeling of something important, something neither of them remembered, after their run in with Phibrizzo and the Lord of Nightmares. Even now, another series of improbable adventures over, they were still no closer to finding out what it was.  
  
Ah well, they were still travelling together, that was something at least.  
  
The blonde swordsman was halfway through chewing another mouthful of breakfast when the scream came from out in the streets.  
  
A woman's scream, a mixture of surprise and shock. Gourry wondered again where Lina was as he pushed his chair back from the table and left a few coins in payment for the meal as he left the inn.  
  
People had begun to gather around the well that stood outside, watching an unseen drama with great interest. His height allowed him only a little advantage as he stared over the heads of the onlookers, trying to see what was going on.  
  
"What's happening?" he finally asked an old woman who stood nearby.  
  
"They say there's someone down the well," the grey haired woman told him kindly. "Probably our lads had a bit much to drink and his companions gave him a dunking." She clicked her tongue. "I do hope that they are alright, whoever they are. Sometimes these silly pranks can get carried a bit too far."  
  
"Maybe I can give them some help then," said Gourry, and began to push his way through the gathering. Lina would be so proud of him for all the good ideas he was coming up with today!  
  
He emerged from the growing gathering to see several men were already hard at work pulling the rope and bucket up from the depths while a middle aged woman, probably the source of the scream he had heard, peered down into the well with a worried expression.  
  
Gourry approached her. "I heard someone scream - can you tell me what's going on?"  
  
"Oh, it's just awful," said the woman, tugging at the green kerchief that held back her light brown hair. "There's a girl down there in naught but her shift. We don't even know if she's alive, or..."  
  
"A girl?" Gourry peered over the edge of the well, following the woman's gaze. As his eyes adjusted to the gloom below, he felt his heart clench in his chest, and he let out a shout of his own. "That's no girl, that's Lina!"  
  
"You know her?"  
  
"Yes, that's Lina, my..." He didn't finish the sentence as he realized that every moment he spent chatting was another moment Lina was spending down in that dark well. "LINA! HANG ON!" He turned towards the men who were pulling up the bucket. "Is that the best you guys can do?"  
  
He had meant the question to be mild, but it didn't seem to have the right effect, judging by the fearful looks they were giving him. Gourry saw the rope begin to slip from their hands as they stared at him anxiously.  
  
"No, no, NO! Don't let go!" he screamed, agitated beyond anything he had ever known. "Give me that, let me help..." He snatched the rope, winding it in his fist and lent his strength to theirs. They pulled and pulled until finally the brightness of Lina's hair came into view, a flame of hope to Gourry's anguished heart.  
  
"Lina!" He left the rest of the village men to tie off the rope around the well frame as he rushed to Lina's side, lifting her cold, wet form from the bucket, not really seeing the state she was in, blinded by relief to all but the one thing that really mattered to him: that her chest still rose and fell with shallow, rhythmic breaths.   
  
"Oh..." said the woman in the green kerchief, "my poor child, what has happened to you?"  
  
Gradually other information began to register in the swordsman's brain, the fact that Lina was wet with more than water, she was slimy, and smelled rather strongly of vomit, the source of which appeared to be staining the thin nightgown she wore. Her hands and feet were tied, and she also wore a gag, wedged tightly between her teeth... how she had managed to throw up without drowning in her own vomit was really quite an accomplishment.   
  
But why? Why was she like this? Lina had some strange ideas now and then, but even Gourry knew she wouldn't have tied herself up and thrown herself down a well, or... wait, what was this? A tiny, fluid movement caught his eye, then another, and another, slipping pallidly, nearly invisible against the milky whiteness of Lina's skin.   
  
Slugs.  
  
Lina hated slugs.  
  
"No..." he whispered, running his hand over Lina's cool skin, flicking the creatures off. Lina hated slugs. The thought played itself over and over in his mind as he continued to pick them off her, becoming near frantic as their number never seemed to end.  
  
"Excuse me, young man..." The woman in the green kerchief again importuned him with meaningless chatter.  
  
"Not now, can't you see they're all over her?" Gourry whispered in quiet torment. "Nothing scares her, I've seen her face monsters as tall as houses, but she doesn't like slugs... I have to get them off - she hates them, you see, more than anything else. She hates them." He brushed more of the creatures away, awed, sickened by their number, not caring that he was getting them on himself, only that he was removing them from Lina.  
  
"Listen to me..." Two work roughened hands settled on his shoulder armour, pulling his face down nearer to hers. "I understand that. But you might want to think about taking her inside, and getting her warm."  
  
"Oh... You're right, yes, of course you're right - how could I be so stupid?" The last part was rhetorical - or at least it usually was when Lina said it. "Come on Lina," he told the unconscious girl in his arms, "we can get you cleaned up much better at the inn."  
  
  
Lina was going to kill him, Gourry thought.  
  
He ran his wooden comb a final time through the silken strands of the sorceress' flame-dark hair, savouring the crackling smoothness of it, the way it fell in a glinting cascade of copper metallic strands straight down to the floor. How bright it was, brighter still against the wood grain of the tub in which she rested, finally clean from her ordeal.  
  
And that was why she would kill him. Because he had done it all himself, from wiping her down with salted water to kill the last of the slugs that clung to her, to washing her pale body and her long red hair clean of their slime and her vomit. It had all been his doing.  
  
Not that there had been time for him to stare, to notice what nice skin she had, white and fine as one of Filia's best porcelain tea sets, so fine that tiny blue veins showed through at her pulse points, fragile as spider webs. There really been all that much time either for him to notice the fact that her 'underdeveloped' chest might not look nearly so underdeveloped if she didn't insist on wearing that silly yellow band strapped across it. He'd been far too busy taking care of her to notice all of that. Really.  
  
It was probably just as well that Lina had stayed unconscious through it all. Although he was grateful for the escape from the red-headed sorceress' fury, the blonde swordsman was more than a little worried, since he had been sure she would wake up when he was finished, if not before. He had imagined that maybe her mind had gone to another place to wait for the nightmare to be over. It was a good theory, especially for him, but so far she hadn't stirred.  
  
"Come on, Lina," Gourry whispered, taking one of her limp hands in his own. "Your fingers are getting all pruney. I guess I shouldn't have left you in there so long. But I wanted you to feel really nice and clean again... I know how much you hate... all that. Well, come on, bathtime's over..." He stared at the unresponsive sorceress for a few more minutes. "Hmph," he finally concluded, "look's like there's no way for me to get you out without getting wet myself, is there?"   
  
He looked about the room as he planned his next move, blue eyes coming to rest on the pile of towels he'd secured from the baths. He got up and spread a few on the bed, then scooped the diminutive redhead from her cooling bathwater. He marvelled again at how small and fragile she seemed in his arms as he carried her across the room, trying to keep his eyes just on her face. She looked so restful and lovely now that a little colour had come back to her cheeks from the heat. Lina was actually pretty, he thought, pretty yet somehow still sad... as though the fear of whatever had happened could find her even in the place where she was hiding. Gourry wondered how it could be that sadness made her prettier still. He thought about how polishing his old swords with a rough whetstone made the edges keener, but prettiness was not a sword...   
  
Was it?  
  
He set her down gently on the layer of dry towels he had placed on the bed, piling the rest over her so she could dry off, hopefully without getting the bed too damp. At least her hair had managed to semi-dry before the fire.  
  
Shrugging out of his wet shirt, Gourry grabbed the last of the towels for himself. Truth be told he'd had nearly as much of a bath as she did, although not quite on purpose. He rubbed his skin roughly, then pulled on a clean shirt from his travel bag, before returning to Lina's side.  
  
He pulled up a chair beside the bed, and regarded her solemnly. "Lina," he begged her softly, "Lina, please wake up. You're safe now. I'm here, I'll protect you." His voice caught on the last words as they sank in. That was just it - *he* was her protector, *he* had failed her to keep her safe. A sick feeling grew inside of him as he realized she could just as easily have been dead right now. The fact that she was not dead owed nothing at all to his care or skill with a sword, only to the simple conclusion that whoever had done this obviously did not want to kill her.  
  
Not yet anyway.  
  
His broad shoulders shook for just a moment before he controlled it, biting his lip hard as he stared down at his sorceress. His Lina. That had been what he was about to say to the woman at the well: "That's Lina, my Lina..." His Lina, with red hair and a temper to match, and a face that got all screwed up like a demented elf's when she didn't get her way... with a laugh that broke through sadness as if it were made of glass... with eyes like strange and beautiful wine, that made him drunk and giddy every time he looked into them.  
  
He had come so close to losing her even before this, too close for his comfort. In that moment he had discovered just to what point his imagination failed at creating a world in which he was living without her.  
  
He simply could not imagine it.  
  
And so, for Gourry, there was really no other choice but to do better. For Lina's sake, and for his own. 


	2. Waking Nightmares

(Standard disclaimers apply) The usual warnings for   
disturbing scenes and Lina-torture. *pats Lina on  
the head* There there, sweetie. ;)  
  
*Part 2*  
  
He had thought it would be impossible for him to sleep, but he must have  
dozed for a few minutes, because he woke with a start as Lina launched  
herself upright in the bed, shouting incoherently. The towels covering her  
had slipped down to her waist, but it was the emptiness in her eyes that  
held him.  
  
"Lina!" Gourry exclaimed, faltering as she didn't respond. She regarded him  
blankly, then slowly her crimson eyes began to fill with rage.  
  
"Fireb-!"  
  
Reacting on instinct, Gourry seized her in his arms, covering her mouth  
before she could complete the casting. Lina howled, sounds muffled against  
his palm as she tried to bite him. Struggling in his grasp, she pummelled  
the hapless swordsman again and again with small, yet surprisingly effective  
fists. Gourry experienced momentary confusion. While this might be  
classified as normal behaviour for her, usually she actually shouted words  
he could understand while she tried to pound him into the ground.  
  
"Lina," Gourry lowered his voice, and spoke softly, as if to a frightened  
animal, "it's me. Come on, Lina, snap out of it, please? You're safe now,  
safe..."  
  
The barrage of blows continued, but slowly her wordless screams dissolved  
into broken sobs, and gradually she also stopped fighting him. Tears boiled  
from her eyes to run scalding over the back of his hand.  
  
"I am so sorry..." Gourry whispered. Helplessness choked in his throat,  
preventing him from saying more.  
  
"...not your fault." Lina's voice was so soft, and so unusually gravelly  
that he almost didn't hear - especially with his hand still plastered over  
her mouth.  
  
Gourry took his hand away in surprise. "Lina?"  
  
Though her eyes were bloodshot and swimming when they lifted to his, they  
showed a clarity of thought previously absent. "I said that it's not your  
fault," she repeated hoarsely, clearing her throat.  
  
"Here, have some water..." The swordsman poured a cup from the jug on the  
nightstand and Lina took it, gulping thirstily as she appeared to take in  
her surroundings and her state of undress for the first time.  
  
Her crimson eyes widened for a moment and Gourry prepared himself for the  
worst. After all, the situation, innocent or not, still looked a lot more  
compromising than the last time she had been in his arms for any length of  
time. Still, Lina had never been one for predictability, and her reaction  
was decidedly non-plussed.  
  
"Ummm... Gourry?" Lina sounded nasal from within her drinking glass as she  
finished the last drops.  
  
/Here it comes./ He tried to cross his legs protectively, which was just  
slightly impossible with her petite form still settled in his lap. "Yes?"  
  
She set down the empty glass on the nightstand again with a hand that  
trembled faintly. "Ummmm..." she said again, "why am I naked?"  
  
The swordsman's dark gold brows knit for a moment as he searched his inner  
reserves for a diplomacy he didn't possess. "You do you remember what  
happened, don't you?"  
  
Lina's answer was to freeze in his arms for a long moment, then she nodded  
stiffly.  
  
"Well... then you know I couldn't leave you like that.... I just couldn't. I  
don't care what you do to me now." Gourry let his shoulders slump, prepared  
to accept defeat from this small creature in his arms as he would from no  
one else.  
  
The sorceress made no reply, simply lifted her chin sharply, averting her  
face from his as though unable to bear looking at him.  
  
He wasn't prepared for what she did next. A punch in the stomach, a kick  
somewhere unpleasant, those were what he feared, but he would never have  
expected the 'retribution' he did receive as Lina twisted in his grasp to  
squeeze him so hard he thought his ribs would crack. But even that did not  
content her and she burrowed closer still, mashing her face against the  
front of his shirt as though she could somehow force herself straight into  
his chest, crawl inside him, right where his heart had begun pounding in  
rapid confusion.  
  
"Thank you..." she sniffled.  
  
...and pigs were flying, and Zelgadis frolicked through flower meadows  
merrily as a schoolboy, and Amelia was falling down drunk in a tavern  
arm-wrestling an old lady for her last gold piece, and Xellos was singing  
love songs, and the whole world as Gourry knew it came crashing down around  
the mostly empty space between his ears...  
  
Lina didn't make another sound, not for a long while, but Gourry felt his  
shirt growing damp where her face rested.  
  
If her embrace and her gratitude had shocked him before, her next words,  
when she finally said them, were utterly paralysing.  
  
"I'm so scared..."  
  
His brain completely ceased what remained of its higher functions. Lina did  
not get scared. She did not. It was like a glacier bursting into flames - it  
simply did not happen.  
  
"It's alright," the blonde swordsman patted her awkwardly, speaking the  
words as much for his comfort as for hers.  
  
"No it's not," Lina spoke, forcing words deliberately through a voice  
clogged with tears. "Don't you see, Jellyfish? They knew... they knew what  
would get me. They didn't fight fair. They came in the dark, when I was  
alone and asleep, and they tied me up, gagged me so I couldn't fight back.  
And then they put *them* on me, not spiders, not snakes, not even roaches or  
worms, but s... sl... They knew, they knew what would get me more than  
anything else..."  
  
"But how? How did they find out?"  
  
"How?" Lina echoed tremulously. "How should I know? I mean, I haven't told a  
lot of people, but it wasn't exactly a secret either. I just didn't know  
anyone could hate me enough to use it against me."  
  
Gourry thought about that for a moment, then sighed. "But Lina, you're the  
bandit killer, the dragon spooker, the enemy of all who live..."  
  
The small sorceress' fragile control snapped easily, and she started crying  
again in noisy, ugly sobs.  
  
"...you've destroyed several small towns, even a small kingdom... blew up  
Sairaag... and part of Seyruun City..." Lina sobbed more loudly still as   
he cluelessly continued enumerating her somewhat depressing curriculum vitae.   
To his credit, the implications of Lina's increasing volume finally sank in,   
and Gourry cut himself off in embarrassment.  
  
"Hey!" Lina blubbered, slapping him weakly, "Sairaag wasn't me - that was  
Copy Rezo!"  
  
"Oh, right..."  
  
Lina hit him again, half-heartedly. "You're supposed to be making me feel  
better here, not worse... But I guess you're right, I did do all that  
stuff... everyone hates me!"  
  
"Amelia doesn't hate you, or Zelgadis, or Sylphiel, or Filia - I don't know  
how Xellos feels, but he doesn't fight with you the way he does with Filia.  
Martina is too busy with Zangulus to hate you now. Even little Valgaav  
doesn't hate you anymore."  
  
"He threw up on me the last time we visited Filia!"  
  
"I think Filia said babies do that, Lina."  
  
"That's irrelevant."  
  
"Irr - wha...?" Gourry tilted his head, trying to recall the meaning of the  
word.  
  
"It means I don't care, okay!?" Lina snapped, chin trembling.  
  
"Lina..."  
  
"Don't you 'Lina' me." She tugged her wad of towels up protectively against  
her, but made no move to escape him. "You don't know, you just don't..." She  
signed, drawing up her knees to lean her pointed chin on them. "What about  
you, Gourry?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Do you hate me too?" Her voice lost some of its strident edge, softening  
until he could barely hear it. "I haven't exactly been the nicest person to  
you either."  
  
Gourry felt his own expression soften in response. Funny, Lina could be so,  
so... exasperating sometimes, but then, just when he was ready to run away  
screaming she changed, she changed everything. "Lina... How could you ask  
that? I know I'm not too smart, but I'm not dumb enough to promise to spend  
my whole life protecting someone I hate either."  
  
"You really mean that?" Lina sniffled.  
  
"Sure I do!" Gourry agreed, with a wide smile that quickly faded as he  
recalled his failure again. "Even though I didn't do such a good job  
protecting you this time." He clenched his fist. "But they won't get past me  
again, whoever they are! Er," the swordsman scratched his head, "do we know  
who they are?"  
  
"I'm sure it isn't anything serious." Abruptly Lina was all business,  
scooting from his arms as though she had never been there in the first  
place. She pulled her drooping towels more tightly around her slender body.  
"Now, how about some breakfast?"  
  
"I heard the bells a while back, before you woke up - it's past noon,"  
Gourry pointed out automatically, taken aback by her sudden change. Left  
behind again. He shook his head. Really he should be used to her by now.  
  
"Lunch - whatever!" Lina made a vague gesture with one arm as she climbed  
from the bed. "Wait, we're in your room?"  
  
"It seemed easier at the - "  
  
"Let me just go back to my room and get my stuff on," Lina interrupted  
brightly, hurrying away.  
  
"Okay Lina," Gourry agreed to the suddenly empty room, "if that's what you  
want..."  
  
Moments later Lina came stomping back in, still clad in her towel. "The door  
is locked," she growled, showing just a hint of white incisor.  
  
"Well, Lina, you probably locked it when you went to bed - "  
  
"Which means they came in through the window and got me that way."  
  
"Lina..."  
  
"Dammit!" Lina shouted, her eyes taking on a dangerous wildness as she shook  
with more than her usual temper.  
  
"But Lina..."  
  
Balling her fist, she bashed Gourry's own door, sending it flying back on  
its hinges. "I don't care, okay, I just don't care. I want my stuff, it's my  
stuff and I want it, and if that door doesn't know what's good for it, then  
in five seconds it's going to be kindling for my fireball! D'ya hear me?  
Kindling! *Little* *smoking* *bits* of *dust*... Like they should have  
been - like they would have been if they hadn't, if they... they..."  
  
"Lina, relax, why don't I just ask the innkeeper for a spare key, alright?"  
  
She stared up at him with a very odd expression on her face. "Ummm... okay?"  
  
Taking advantage of her distraction, he hurried from the room before she  
changed her mind and destroyed something.  
  
  
Lina watched the door shut behind the swordsman as the red haze of anger  
slowly dissipated from behind her eyes. She hoped he would hurry back  
  
Her thoughts were in a whirl, caught up in a primal tornado inside of her.  
Confusion, violation, fear, vulnerability, loneliness... Where was Gourry?  
Where was that key? She couldn't wait to be alone.  
  
Could she?  
  
Alone. That was how she had been last night, how they had found her. Caught  
her.  
  
She remembered them in the dark - she couldn't see them, but their scent  
alone had been a tangible presence, a magnitude of stench. Their soft,  
vulgar laughter, their clutching hands all over her like dirty spiders...  
she had begged them not to... remembering Luna's dim cautions about the  
things unscrupulous men could do to women when they were alone.  
  
No they had not done that, but they had found another way to violate her,  
dug through the darkness of her soul and drowned her in it... Part of her  
recoiled at her weakness, bad enough when she was among friends, but now, so  
cruelly exploited...  
  
"We have company for you, witch." She could hear the derisive sneer in the  
voice of the ringleader, even from the depths of the well. "You may not like  
them now, but a time will soon come when you will dream of how gentle this  
night was and wish you were back here..."  
  
Sure, how bad was a night down a well, really? Lina had snorted, would have  
asked them if this was the best they could come up with, if she hadn't been  
gagged. Either that or fireballed them - probably both.  
  
But either way, the point was moot and the answer to her unspoken question  
came to her soon enough as *things* poured down on her, wet, slimy, *live  
things* dropping wetly on her skin like rain. Some continued past her,  
falling away into the water below, but most had caught, clinging to her for  
dear life. So many... where had they found them all?  
  
She could still feel them, like vile, slimy demon tongues, their cold,  
sliding touch lapping her flesh... their slow progress charting the  
territory of her trembling body, finding sanctuary in her ears, on her arms,  
in her hair, and ...elsewhere... no, not there, not... their slickness, an  
unwanted balm across her dry lips.  
  
Lost in a world of horror she did not hear the sadistic laughter of her  
tormentors as they lingered only briefly to watch, to hear her muffled  
screams as she failed to summon help. After a while the human riffraff had  
gone, but the invertebrates remained, burning impressions onto her recoiling  
brain until she could count each individual violation of her person and her  
sanity, know where each unwelcome creature rested...  
  
Wasn't this the time when Gourry showed up to save her? Wasn't this the  
moment when he would get up for a drink of water and decide to look in on  
her, knock on her door to make sure she was safe? Even better, wasn't this  
the moment when she would wake up in his arms to find this had been all just  
a bad dream? She looked forward to being able to release her fear and  
frustration by getting a few good blows in on him for being 'fresh'... He  
would accept it, as he always did... Gourry was funny that way, he could  
always take as good as she could give... not many people could... she had  
always... respected that about him.  
  
But she had not woken up, because it had not been a dream, and Gourry had  
not come. And somewhere in the night, after she had nearly choked on her own  
vomit more times than she could count... somewhere she had stopped fighting  
enough to achieve some distance from her pest-ridden body. For a brief  
instant she, Lina Inverse, had given up hope utterly and accepted defeat,  
and in that moment a merciful darkness had shrouded her troubled mind at  
last. 


	3. Gentle Days

(Standard disclaimers apply) Okay, I'm starting to realize that this fic is heavily into stream of consciousness - I can't seem to get it organized, feelings and images and  
impressions just keep pouring out of me.   
  
Hopefully you will all find this part a bit of a break from the last two -  
a little silliness and some mush to lighten the mood before it gets all dark and depressing and totally awful again...  
  
And it will. *gives Lina a big apologetic hug and gets fireballed for her trouble*  
  
  
*Part 3*  
  
"Lina?" Gourry's voice provoked an unexpected wash of gratitude as she was drawn out of her unwanted memory. "I've got the key. Just open the door and I'll bring it back. You left yours in your room right?"  
  
"I guess..." Lina took the key, her bare fingertips barely brushing the swordsman's calloused ones. The heat from the brief contact seemed odd to her today, shooting straight up the slender bones at the back of her hands. It was not often she touched anyone without her gloves on... let alone him. "Gimme a sec to get changed, okay?" she stammered, unsettled by this new layer to her already confused thoughts. She turned to go.  
  
"Lina?" Gourry called.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Hmmph, what now?"   
  
"You don't have to do this," the blonde man said, shrugging his broad shoulders, "you know, throw yourself back into everything right now. I can bring you up some food if you'd rather not, ummm, you know..."  
  
Great, pity. Didn't she just loooove pity? Big sarcasm there. Just great. Nevermind that his suggestion sounded pretty darn good to her right about now. She blinked, her sunset eyes still haunted, projecting on the walls of her brain all that she had seen the night before. It was normal to feel this way, the more reasonable part of her brain interjected. Something very bad had happened, you couldn't just sweep it all under the carpet and forget about it. On the other hand, lingering on this sort of thing was probably just what her tormentors hoped she would do.   
  
Forcing a bright smile she took a step towards Gourry, reaching up to muss his long blonde hair, disguising it as an attempt to box his ears. "Hey, hello in there yoghurt for brains, it's me, Lina!" she yelled. "You know, Lina Inverse, beautiful sorcery genius? This is nothing - we've fought bigger stuff than this. Besides, with the amount of food I want, it would take you all day to bring it up here. Now shut up and let me get ready for breakfast."  
  
The usual spring in her step came back to her slightly more easily as she continued to force it along, and she was able to hold the facade a little longer, until she unlocked the door of her room and stepped inside. But even inside she held on, closing her mind like a vise around the tiny part of her that was still screaming, hadn't stopped in fact, since she had been taken from the room. Yes, it was true, they had fought worse and won. Shabranigdo, Copy Rezo, Gaav, Phibrizzo, Darkstar... but though they had been powerful foes, none of them - except maybe Phibrizzo - had ever had this one particular power her new unseen enemies obviously did.  
  
The power to make it personal.  
  
She went to the mirror and surveyed her face, not particularly caring for the dark circles under her eyes, or the way they matched the finger-shaped bruises running along her upper arms. They'd had to work to keep hold of her, at least she'd had that much satisfaction, making them fight for their prize.  
  
Pouring water into the earthen basin, Lina washed her face reflexively. It was a comforting, routine familiarity, one that she realized, half-way through the ritual, wasn't really needed. Gourry had taken care of that too, along with the rest.  
  
She didn't really want to think about that, but everything about her body conspired to tell the story to her senses, the story of how she had made it, how she was free and no longer tainted by... things better remaining unthought. She was clean, she smelled of soap, and in her coppery hair, the fresh tang of some sort of herbal shampoo. A vaguely familiar scent all told, one that made her flush as her brain connected the dots, forming a picture of Gourry himself when he emerged from a bath.  
  
Of course he would have used his things, her door had been locked.  
  
Lina wanted to be angry with him for doing it. It would make things so much simpler, but she just couldn't, because no reasonable person could deny that Gourry had done what he had to help her. Not that Lina was given to prolonged bouts of reasonableness, but she was certainly observant. Gourry was dense, there was no other way around it, but there were times when the blonde swordsman had the devil's own luck. He didn't really see social proprieties, and it was quite ironic in the end that the same thick-headedness that had lead him to lift up Filia's skirt when he had spied her tail had also inspired him to save her. It awed her in no small measure to realize that if Gourry had had the brains, or the squeamishness, to be a 'gentleman' about the whole thing - which would no doubt involve a lot of hand-wringing and wondering what to do - she probably would not be feeling quite so normal right about now.  
  
Normal except for the fact that...  
  
/He saw me, he actually *saw* me... Well, he'd better say his prayers, 'cause if he makes one more comment about my chest size after this.../ Lina's ruby eyes seemed to darken as she surveyed her reflection grimly in the mirror.   
  
"Boom," she said.  
  
  
The scene that afternoon at a scratched inn table, lit by sunlight streaming in through the watery glass panes of the taproom windows, was one that was much more in tune with the natural order of things, and in fact a comfortably recurring theme in Lina's life.  
  
Food, glorious food!  
  
"Mmmm, these noodles are good!" Lina exulted, taking another forkful of hollow spiral noodles, drenched in creamy garlic sauce. Across the table lay an assortment of other delicacies just waiting to be consumed.  
  
"Yeah," Gourry echoed, stealing a bite from her plate. "You know, they look a little like Martina's hair."  
  
"Blech," Lina declared, then gave the swordsman a baleful look just as he was about to snatch another bite. "Oh no you don't. If you think you're going to make me lose my appetite with that tasteful comparison, think again..."  
  
"I know you better than that," Gourry answered, distracting himself with some soup, which he drank straight from the bowl with a slurp. "Nothing kills your appetite, and if you thought Martina's hair tasted good she'd be bald."  
  
"Why you -!" Lina tossed a meatball at him, then blinked as what she saw.  
  
Gourry grinned back at her, the meatball held triumphantly between his teeth for a moment before he began to chew the tidbit with great relish. He swallowed, beaming at her as if she'd offered him the world on a plate. "Mmm, thanks, Lina. That was tasty. Gee, you sure are getting mellow - you never used to share your food with me before."  
  
"Hmph," said the bandit-killer, biting into a bread roll with more teeth than the job really required.   
  
Gourry, ever the wise fool, said nothing.  
  
A study in gluttony later, the pair stared at a heap of empty dishes, glasses, bowls, plates and platters; the wreckage of what was, for them, a light afternoon snack.  
  
Lina was quite pleased with herself, and enormously pacified after the substantial meal. All was right with the world. With a full stomach came the return of her trademark optimism in full measure. Maybe this *was* just an isolated incident. That was it, it had to be. Someone had obviously just wanted to see the great Lina Inverse brought low. /Well, fine,/ she admitted, /I was low, and I hope they got a good look, 'cause it's the last one they'll get./  
  
"This was a really great town," she said aloud, "I think we'll stay another night."  
  
Gourry's somewhat vacant smile of satisfaction vanished from his handsome face much sooner than most would have expected. A frown creased his smooth brow. "Is that a good idea?" he asked, looking behind him anxiously as if expecting an assassin to appear at any moment.  
  
"Why not?" Lina shrugged. "It's late in the day - I don't think we'd make the next town before nightfall. Besides, I'm sure running away is just what the people who did this would want. So, the question is, do we want to spend the night on the road, looking like we're running scared, or stay here where it's warm and comfortable and there's lots of good food to eat?"  
  
"I don't know, Lina," said the swordsman, without much enthusiasm.  
  
"No you don't know," Lina found herself replying cheerfully. "So why don't you just leave the thinking to me?" She experienced a minor twinge of conscience for insulting him, which was quickly repressed. It *was* true after all, and Gourry was too dense to notice.  
  
Or was he?  
  
Poor brainless jellyfish... or not... an annoying voice in her head interrupted her train of thoughts, forcing her to acknowledge that he *had* remembered an extremely important detail about her. One she ought to have been grateful for. Geez, she was sounding more and more like Luna every day.  
  
"Sure Lina," Gourry was saying as her mind returned to the present conversation. "You just keep on thinking, I'll just keep watching for when you don't think enough about *you* to stay out of trouble."  
  
/Dammit!/ Now *Gourry* was sounding like Luna. What next? Lina felt herself blush. Why did he have to keep *doing* that?! Acting all... protective and stuff... acting like... like... some sort of hero... Or something.  
  
Acting like... well... Gourry.  
  
'Feed a dog for three days and you get used to him', her own words came back to her mockingly. Like it or not, Lina was quite used to the swordsman by now. He was... comfortable, she realized, like a broken-in pair of boots or a nice warm cloak - easily taken for granted until you're faced with the daunting task of finding a replacement. She thought back to the times when he had been injured while helping her, when Phibrizzo had taken him from her... when she had awoken in his arms, with no memory of anything beyond speaking the words of the Giga Slave on a day when all hope seemed lost... and clobbering him afterwards because it had appeared that they, that she... because being in his arms had felt... No. What she remembered feeling was guilt, after hearing from her companions later how he had braved the Sea of Chaos to save her... ...the mental picture of him scaling the very sky itself rather than lose her... Gourry... ...not smart enough to realize, as Zel and Amelia had, that doing such a thing was impossible... And Lina wondered...  
  
Could Gourry even be replaced at all?  
  
The question flared brightly in her mind for just an instant before she reflexively forced it down, unanswered.  
  
/What is wrong with me today?/ She looked at Gourry, paying the bill from his own collection of coins and a treacherous voice within her remarked that, all things considered, perhaps there really wasn't too much wrong with her at all.  
  
/Shut up,/ thought Lina, not realizing that she was smiling.  
  
  
  
Lina seemed totally recovered as she flitted from booth to booth in the town marketplace, her cloak flapping behind her in the wind like the wings of some darkly enchanted butterfly. But the wind, airy element that it was, could not be content with a scrap of fabric and raked its teasing fingers through the curtain of her cinnabar hair, sending it billowing out behind the young sorceress. It floated in her wake, a signal, a flaming standard finer than any silk banner, and Gourry, like any good soldier, followed it mindlessly.  
  
It seemed like they had been here in this town for ages, but, when he thought about it, they'd only gotten here yesterday. And yet so much had happened since. That must be what made it seem longer.  
  
This was something even he could understand, how sadness seemed to stay, while the happiness found in beautiful things, in beautiful moments like this, when Lina's hair caught so much sunlight it seemed to blaze with a light all its own... these moments never seemed to last.  
  
Tearing his eyes away was not so easy, but duty made it easier. He scanned the crowd, instead of Lina's entrancing brightness, alert to any danger towards her. When nothing initially seemed wrong he took a breath and let it out slowly in relief, unclenching his half-gloved hands. Despite the excitement of this morning, Lina didn't seem to be attracting more than her usual interest. A few people did give her more than a second glance, but he had gradually come to realize that it was normal around her - that he was not the only one to be distracted by the fiery brilliance of her hair, drawn to it like a hapless moth.  
  
But of all of those who stopped to look that day, beneath his stillness Gourry was the one most aflutter.  
  
Such a thing to say about a man, but it was true - she made him feel things that took away what little sense he'd held claim to, and that was before...  
  
Before.  
  
/I can't believe I thought she was a kid./ The swordsman rubbed the back of his head in bemusement as he watched Lina stop at a clothing vendor's. A kid. No one could call her a kid after seeing... /No./ ...her small, neat figure... ...well-proportioned... /Uh uh./ ...not flat!... /Quiet!/ ...painted in hues of cinnamon and cream... /No, don't think...!/ Too late.  
  
The tall blonde clenched his teeth stoically against a wave of substantial... approval. Gourry wasn't sure how he knew it, but at that moment he felt sure that someone, somewhere was having a hell of a laugh at his expense. For somewhere along the way he'd lost his heart to the 'kid' he'd seen face down a bandit gang... Only to find she was not a kid, but a powerful sorceress. Only to find that while that self-same sorceress had mind-boggling power at her command, she was not ready for the power she had over him, stronger than any magic.  
  
The power of her heart.  
  
Whatever Lina looked like - whatever the secrets of her changing body hidden under that huge cloak, those ridiculous shoulder-guards and a silly yellow band - she was not ready yet. Not for the kind of feelings he wished he could show her.  
  
Her idea of expressing affection left bruises that took several days to fade, and the way she returned any tenderness he showed reminded him of the time he'd tried to give the neighbour's cat a bath. Yes, he could remember that far back, thank-you-very-much. Some things left unforgettable impressions.  
  
Lina was one of them.  
  
He saw her turn away from the clothier's at last, a small bundle tucked under her arm.  
  
"Hey, Lina!" he beamed, "what have you got there?"  
  
"New PJs," said the sorceress, grinning with acquisitive joy, then making a face, "that nightgown Amelia gave me, I guess there wasn't really anything worth saving."  
  
Gourry nodded in embarrassed agreement, not really wanting to bring up such a painful subject. "Ummm, yeah, not really..."  
  
The petite red-head before him went from a flash instant of razor bright anguish into a manic segue of extreme bi-polar glee. "Good! I didn't really like it that much," she told him confidingly, lowering her voice to a comical stage whisper, "but I didn't want to hurt her feelings. So now she's happy, and I'm happy!" She held up the articles of clothing in question, bright blue with little stars. "Aren't they cute?"  
  
"Ummm, sure Lina, they're cute - they kinda remind me of what I see whenever you hit me."  
  
Just for that she did hit him, making him stumble with the force of her blow and the element of surprise. Gourry could have sworn an entire galaxy was swirling around his head, on the threshold of total destruction.  
  
"Yup, just like those stars..." He said dazedly.  
  
No question, Lina was definitely back to normal.  
  
Or as close to normal as she ever got. 


	4. Nocturne 1

Author's note: Thank you so much to the people who have taken the time to review. This story just won't leave me alone until I tell it, and it's nice to know other people are enjoying it too.  
  
In this part, Lina gets her sweet revenge... and sleeps right through it. o_O For those who recall a certain scene in NEXT, you'll see what I mean.  
  
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They explored the market together until it was nearly dusk and the merchants began packing their things to go home. It was something to watch, the neat origami of folded tents, and awnings, collapsible booths made unobtrusive where once they had been expansive and inviting.  
  
Back at the inn, they had another meal of a size to rival their first and send the innkeeper into a fit of apoplexy, at least until they proved they still had the means to support themselves as if they were a small army instead of merely a man with a sword and a petite red-head who wasn't dressed so much as overwhelmed in an ostentatious cloak.  
  
Herbal tea settled the meal - a habit they'd acquired from Filia. In fact, when they had travelled together, it was the dragoness who usually had tea after watching *them* eat, needing something to quiet her outraged stomach after witnessing the typical fanged carnage of supping with the Dragon Spooker and her somewhat more docile protector.  
  
It was thus that night finally found the pair, again dwarfed by the post-epicurean haze of orally-fixated sensuality. The faint flush of satisfaction that suffused their cheeks might have betrayed them, but only a fool of the highest order would have dared suggest the remote - hah! - possibility they were using food as a substitute for a more emotionally compromising feast of the senses.  
  
Basking in the afterglow, it was atypically Lina who seemed most inclined to want to roll over and sleep - or in this case collapse with her head pillowed upon a stack of decimated breadbaskets. Her head bobbed sleepily as she caressed the earthen mug that held her drink, cupping and releasing its heat with her gloved fingers.  
  
Gourry was not especially surprised - she probably hadn't slept much the night before, and passing out from fear was not exactly what you would call resting, either. Her eyes were garnets in the dim firelight, set in the silvered pallor of her half-lidded eyes. Still, for all their sleepiness, the orbs of her sight were more than jewels, but banked coals, which he knew from experience would flame with the slightest addition of fuel or tinder. He considered his next words as carefully as he could, trying to find a route through the maze of his thoughts which wasn't booby-trapped with fireballs.  
  
None immediately came to mind for what he had to tell her. Nope, it was definitely going to hurt him a lot more than it hurt her. "Hey Lina, I have something to tell you... I let the other room go."  
  
Lacking the strength or motivation to lift the mug to her lips, Lina lowered her mouth to its brimming depths, and slurped at its steaming contents. "Oh, that's nice, Gourry..."  
  
"No!" he exclaimed, a little disturbed and mistrusting her compliance as a ruse, "that's not nice, er, well, I don't mind, but I think you will. I thought about it, and I don't think it's safe to leave you alone anymore."  
  
Lina shrugged and her eyes dragged themselves open enough for him to see that she was indeed awake enough to process what he had said. "I heard you, jellyfish, I'm not asleep yet. Actually..." she mused "I think it might be a good precaution. If it makes you feel better I won't argue," she agreed with slurred magnanimity, "after all, it's just for tonight." Her tone strengthened a little as she finished the thought, trying to sound convincing.  
  
"Not it's not," he countered, a euphoric disbelief rising inside of him as it occurred to him that Lina might not be in her usual shape for arguing. That he might win just this once. When she didn't answer his heart rose in a standing ovation to some higher benefactor. Normally by this point in a the conversation she would have snapped him in two, polished off both pieces, and been picking her teeth with his sword in a credible impression of a great white shark granted legs and a license to operate on land. "I think it's for..." he caught himself wanting to say forever and leaned his cheek against his hand with a small sigh. "...for as long as we don't know who is after you."  
  
"No one is after me, Gourry," she muttered slowly, voice oddly patient, syllables long and drawn out with exhaustion, "don't be... silly."  
  
"I'm not silly!" His fist came down on the table, surprising them both, sending a small geyser of tea splurting upwards from his mug and onto the crumb scattered table. "I'm..." he struggled for words, and took a deep breath, trying to clear his brain, "I don't know, shocked maybe, because you still haven't figured out that I'm trying to look out for you here." Unclenching his fingers he rubbed against a scratch on the tabletop, tracing the worn grooves in the wood. "You're always telling me I don't see things, that I'm brainless, a jellyfish - I guess I don't really mind that, 'cause they're sort of cute - but, if I don't see things sometimes, it's because I guess I really just can't, but Lina, when you don't see them, it's because you don't want to..." He drummed his fingers against the tabletop as a wash of nervous energy overtook him, each pull and release of tendon and sinew registering absently in his brain.  
  
The sensation of smooth fabric sliding over flesh made him look down at his hand, saw it entrapped by light grey fabric - one of Lina's gloved hands! - pressing down on his, stilling its movement.   
  
"Stop it," Lina mumbled, through the coppery curtain of her hair, which had fallen forward, shielding her face from him. "Okay, look, whatever... Ummm, let's just go to bed, alright? We'll talk about this in the morning."  
  
She took her turn, leaving coins on the table, though technically it was all the same since most of the money either of them possessed had been earned together in any case. She tucked her several parcels, including her new starry pyjamas, under her arm and started up the stairs.  
  
Gourry followed, not even trying to think at this point. She wasn't killing him. For now that would be enough.  
  
  
  
He occupied himself with cleaning his sword as Lina prepared for bed. She had scrambled into her pyjamas in one corner, using her black cloak as a privacy shield, all the while berating him and uttering dire imprecations if he so much as moved until she was 'decent' again, and now he heard the swishing of her toothbrush as she completed the day's dental hygiene.  
  
There were no blemishes or rust spots on the mundane blade that now served him in place of the lost Sword of Light. He applied a thin coat of protective oil more for something to do than out of any real need. The sword had not been used for two days, not since the last time he had cleaned it, though he had certainly itched to bury it in *someone's* chest after seeing Lina in the state they had found her this morning.  
  
His hands clenched on the hilt of the sword he polished as he reminded himself that it would *not* happen again. It could not. Whatever else he forgot on their journey, whatever other simple facts escaped him - they did not matter, not even if they earned him a clobbering from the tiny terror who even now smiled with deceptive sweetness as she brushed her hair at the mirror. All that mattered was protecting her, even if she was not willing to see danger for what it really was.  
  
"Gourrrrrrreeee," Lina's voice was a sleepy drawl beckoning his attention, petulant and yet utterly cute.  
  
He lifted his head from his polishing and grinned at the sight of her. The pyjamas were huge - he could probably fit into them without much problem - and gave her the appearance of a child who was playing dress up in her father's clothes.  
  
"Yeeeeeeeeees?" he drawled back teasingly.  
  
Lina looked at the bed pointedly. "What are we going to do about that?"  
  
He regarded the bed with a sense of foreboding that told him there was a very strong possibility this was going to be another situation in which he completely missed the point. He looked at the bed. /Think, Gourry, think./ Nice down pillows, feather mattress, comfy wool blankets, clean sheets - no bed bugs, all in all one of the better beds he had slept in. It didn't seem to be bothering anyone. It was a bed. "What?"  
  
"The bed, you moron!" Lina snapped, showing cute little fangs.  
  
Yes, he could *see* it was a bed! Gourry groaned mentally. Now if she would just give him something more concrete he could work with.  
  
"What are we supposed to do about sleeping on this bed?!" Lina bellowed, her tiny hands balling into fists. Tension vibrated through her slender form so strongly that he was surprised her hair itself didn't stand on end.  
  
"Oh!" Gourry nodded in understanding. "That! Well, I was thinking of taking the floor, actually."  
  
Lina relaxed abruptly. "Oh. Ummm... thank you. I'm finished getting ready now, ummm, the, ummm, you know, if you want to brush your teeth and stuff?"  
  
Gourry sheathed his sword and stood up. "Sure, thanks Lina."  
  
He heard the rustling of the sheets as Lina got into bed, the soft, snuffling sounds of contentment as she snuggled deeper into a cocoon of blankets.  
  
His routine was much the same as hers, washing his face, brushing his teeth and then his long blonde hair. It was a bit of a nuisance sometimes to have to spend just as much time as Lina did on hers, but one positive benefit was that he didn't have to keep paying a barber to look neat. It felt sort of nice too, he thought, running the brush slowly through its length from scalp to ends. A thorough, gentle brushing each night meant his hair felt cleaner longer and didn't need to be washed as often, though he wasn't sure quite why. It didn't matter really, as long as it saved him some trouble - this much hair was a pain to dry.  
  
Finally he finished and began spreading his bedroll out on the floor beside the bed. He pulled out the old pair of threadbare, comfortable pants he kept for sleeping and quickly changed into them. Back in the days when they had been a larger group Lina would rent one room for the boys, and one room for the girls at least, and while Gourry didn't necessarily mind sleeping in the nude, he preferred to wear something as a courtesy to others when he wasn't alone.  
  
"Brr!" Without his shirt, the room was slightly chill, and he quickly snuffed the candles before climbing into his bedding, squirming a little in the cold blankets to warm them up more quickly.  
  
Some, by this point, might have looked longingly towards the soft feather mattress, for nothing else. Still others, faced with the contents of his heart, might have looked longingly towards the soft feather mattress and the warm, though more than slightly dangerous, cute sorceress wrapped like a filled pastry roll in the blankets atop it. But Gourry simply thought about how he didn't really mind the hard floor. While wood wasn't exactly the softest thing he had ever slept on, it was by no means the hardest either. His mind held no bitterness as he drifted off to sleep.  
  
Pastry rolls...  
  
  
  
The first thing he saw were the long, golden fronds of his bangs, they blew in front of his face as they usually did, hiding one eye, tickling his nose as the wind sent them flying this way and that.  
  
He was walking, slowly, over grass. Looking down he could see his deliberate steps, placing one leather booted foot in front of the other. One step. The other foot joined it. Two steps. Again the other foot caught up.  
  
It was so quiet he could hear the creak of the leather.  
  
Step. Wait. Step.  
  
All his attention was focused on the ground below him. It was as though he couldn't lift his head, as though nothing existed above or beside him.  
  
Just the ground on which he walked. Step. Wait. Step.  
  
Step.  
  
He stopped as the landscape of the ground changed, a faint, blue grey teasing the edge of his vision. He took another step, saw that he was looking at a pair of booted feet. Calf-length boots of soft pale blue grey leather.  
  
The swordsman took another step. The cuffs of the boots were adorned with small green stones, just like Lina's...  
  
Just like Lina's. He took another step...  
  
  
  
And woke with an incoherent cry, sitting bolt upright as darkness swirled drunkenly around him.  
  
Chest heaving, sweat chilling on his skin, he sat and merely willed himself to breathe for long moments, paralysed by a horror he couldn't understand. Feet, feet wearing Lina's boots... the image burned in his brain, improbably surreal in its terror.  
  
Wrong, it was so wrong. It was wrong. What was wrong? He didn't know, but it was definitely wrong. Lina's feet, Lina's boots, Lina's feet wearing Lina's boots... mundane enough, he had seen them, had been on the receiving end of a few kicks from said booted feet, but that hardly constituted nightmare material, even coming from Lina.  
  
He became aware of his pounding heart only when it finally slowed to measurable speeds again. It felt like someone was beating a ceremonial gong inside his chest, his whole body thrumming from the pounding vibration as it tolled slowly, like a passing bell. There was a foul, foul taste in his mouth, leaden, coppery mud seemed to coat his tongue.  
  
Water.  
  
He got up off the floor with a soft grunt, finding it hard to trust in the reality around him when everything about it still seemed to drip with the visceral terror of his dream. With shaking hands he poured from the jug that sat on the dresser and gulped it thirstily. He poured another, tossing it back as if it were something far stronger, wishing for a fleeting instant that it was.  
  
Except that it would dull his senses, and he needed every one of them to protect Lina.  
  
Lina!  
  
He looked across the room, still saw her, curled up in the bed, but that wasn't enough to be reassuring, so he crept closer, and lit a candle with flint and steel.   
  
The sorceress made a little whimper in her sleep, and stirred, rubbing her eyes as they slowly opened to take him in. "Mmmmmmph... Gourry?" she blinked myopically up at him. "What are you doing?"  
  
For a long moment Gourry didn't speak, couldn't, didn't move though his soul was suddenly alive and falling into her scarlet eyes. Her chest rose and fell slowly beneath the blankets. He couldn't help but count each breath as he stared down at her for long moments, until finally he saw the promise of sunrise in the deep fiery glow of her hair, spread sunburst-like across the snowy pillows.  
  
"Gourry?" Lina asked again, pulling herself up in the bed a little to look more closely at him. "You look awful," she told him bluntly. "Is sleeping on the floor really that bad?"  
  
"No, but..." He shrugged, trying to act like he could dismiss the fear he still felt so plainly. "I had a bad dream."  
  
He would have expected a joke at this point, but Lina simply shook her head. "You, Gourry, having bad dreams?" She struggled to her knees, oversized pyjama top slipping off one shoulder. "That's... strange." Her little brow wrinkled as she solemnly regarded him.  
  
"You know me," Gourry choked out a laugh, "I'm just a strange guy. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Sorry for waking you." Cupping the candle behind his hand, he puffed his cheeks and blew it out.  
  
"Gourry...?" Lina's voice came at him again, out of the dark, and he heard her shuffling on the bed.  
  
"...Yes?"  
  
"You don't have to go back there. To the floor, I mean..."  
  
"Lina?" /Who are you really and what have you done with Lina?/ "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes... Gourry, I mean, there's room enough for two..." More shuffling tickled his ears. "Besides, couldn't you protect me better if you were right here beside me?"  
  
Sure that this was some cruel trick, and yet, deep inside, desperately wanting to be beside her, to ground himself in the secure knowledge of her life and her breath, the swordsman was more than willing to risk it. He made his way around to the other side of the bed, set the candle on the nightstand, and peeled back the topmost blanket only, sliding beneath its warmth. It was delightful, for her compact body apparently radiated a great deal of heat, and the whole bed was warm from her presence.   
  
"What are you doing?" Lina whispered, shifting on the mattress, coming up beside him until they almost touched.  
  
Great, another trick question. He slid his hand under the back of his head and stared up at the ceiling as he searched for the least inflammatory answer. "Sharing the bed with you like you just invited me to. I can get out if you changed your mind..."  
  
"No, jellyfish," she poked upwards at the sheet he lay on top of, tenting it. "I meant this. You're not under all the blankets."  
  
"I know," he said simply.  
  
That answer seemed to content her, for she didn't ask any more questions. She just stayed as she was, curled on her side, beside him, tantalisingly near, and yet so very far away.  
  
He gave a soft sigh, he could feel his heart slowing down at last to a more normal speed. Strange, *he* felt suddenly safe at this moment, safer than he had ever been, with nothing but this small child of a woman beside him... ah yes, but child or woman, even dragons had learned to fear her. And yet here he was, just a man, beside her, basking in her.  
  
Loving her.  
  
"Lina?"  
  
A soft snore was his only reply. 


	5. Tummy Trouble

Author's note: Wow, part 5. I'd like to thank everyone for their great comments and reviews because it has been giving me fresh ideas to keep the story going which is a big plus because, while I definitely know where it's going, but no one is really telling me what stops it will be to making along the way. Even criticisms - like Lina feeling a little OOC in the last part - can help a lot, I think the solution Lina gave me to fix that up ended up being rather fun. But that's for you to decide. ;)  
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Morning came, a scorch of red burning behind his eyes, red too when he opened them. Weird... a blindfold? He reached up and touched liquid silk, a ribbon of coppery hair, trailing over his eyes.  
  
This first experience of Lina-ness was what greeted him, the second, a small body pressed limpet-like against his side was something that temporarily shut down his brain with improbabilities. He closed his eyes and opened them again, turning to look. Lina was still there, a snack-sized bundle of cuteness, the exquisite paradox of her, a softly snoring Venus in oversized pyjamas. He'd heard Amelia complain that Lina was a violent sleeper, but he had obviously slept through the gyrations needed to undo the two topmost buttons of Lina's pyjama top, revealing the creamy inner swell of one not-so-small, high breast.  
  
Face burning, Gourry tugged the covers modestly up to the sorceress' pointed chin, and tried to ignore the part of him that always woke before the rest.  
  
Lina slept on and he was tempted to return that way himself. This hadn't exactly been the most restful night for him, even with her generously agreeing to share the bed. It was only now, in the dawn's clear light, that he truly felt the shadows had been banished from his mind.  
  
But Lina might want to move on today, and if she didn't, Gourry decided he would risk an eruption of 'Mount Inverse' to insist. Danger might very well follow them regardless of where they went, but after last night's strange dream he knew he would feel better travelling instead of sitting here waiting for something to happen.   
  
He slid from the blankets and went to the dresser, contemplating his face in the mirror that hung above it. He smiled as its reflection also afforded him a good view of Lina, still drowsing placidly amidst the tangled sheets.  
  
Hmmm... being so fair, he could sometimes skip a day shaving and not look grungy the way a dark-haired man would, but he had already done that yesterday and the bristly gold adorning his jaw, while whimsical, wouldn't escape notice for another day.  
  
The swordsman had almost finished shaving when sounds from the bed told him that Lina was waking up.  
  
He watched her in the mirror, stretching beneath the covers as she slowly opened her eyes. Then suddenly everything went into slow motion. Instead of bouncing out of bed, Lina got a funny look on her face and lay back down, staring wide-eyed up at the ceiling.  
  
Gourry put down his razor. "Good morning, Lina?" What he had intended as a greeting came out as a question instead - from what he could see, Lina didn't exactly look like she was having a good morning.  
  
She was breathing in and out, very slowly, as she replied, "Where's the chamberpot?"  
  
It took him a few seconds to process her words since it was not the logical response to someone wishing you a good morning. "Under the bed," he said, finally thinking he had clued in, "do you need me to leave for a...?"  
  
"No," she cut him off through gritted teeth, the rest of her held unnaturally still. "Could you please just get it for me?"  
  
"Sure, Lina, but it's right there on your side of the - "  
  
"Just do it," she cut him off again, voice thick, an edge of desperation making it waver. "Please."  
  
"Okay, Lina." He knelt beside the bed and did as she requested, holding the porcelain item out towards her.  
  
Like a blur, the sorceress suddenly came alive - Gourry hardly saw Lina move - one second she was lethargically lying flat on her back, the next found her leaning over the edge of the bed to vomit heartily into the chamberpot. It was a sight few would ever be privileged to see, and even fewer would wish to, the spectacle of Lina Inverse losing last night's dinner nearly as quickly, though far less eagerly, than she had first consumed it.  
  
  
  
/This is not my week,/ Lina thought, retching up what felt like most of her vital organs.  
  
Expecting to be left alone, she was surprised to feel gentle hands gathering her hair away from her face and twisting it out of the way. Gourry, she realized dimly, but there was no time to enjoy or analyse his kindness as her body continued to rebel. She had often been told she took things to extremes, and never once in her life did she regret that path until this very moment, when it occurred to her, staring unwillingly down at the rapidly filling vessel, that it was *all* going to come up.  
  
Abruptly the vista changed, as the full chamberpot was exchanged for the mostly-empty washbasin thanks to Gourry's quick reflexes. As she heaved on, her brain registered the sound of him getting up to open the window, and then a wet splatter on the cobblestones below... followed by some angry shouting. If she hadn't been so unpleasantly occupied, Lina might have laughed. /Oh, Gourry.../  
  
Without complaint he exchanged containers twice more before she was done, then rubbed her back as she continued to gag futilely, though nothing was left but bitter bile.  
  
Exhausted, she fell back against the pillows and curled weakly onto her side, desperately hating this feebleness which had invaded her, wishing she had the energy to care what she looked like as Gourry surprised her again by wiping her face with a damp cloth, and offering her some water to rinse away the disgusting aftertaste.  
  
Her mind reeled as she strove to comprehend what had just happened. She thought back to the previous night and found her memories unsteady, disjointed, almost drunkenly so, though certain scenes stood out in pristine clarity. She went over them, one by one.  
  
Last night, Gourry's face, the look of horror she had never seen before as he admitted to having a nightmare... and the feeling something... feeling *of* something... for him... sorry for him... herself... the words of invitation falling from her tongue though everything inside her screamed at her carelessness... purred at his nearness and wondered where she'd found the nerve, the insanity, to ask...  
  
Earlier, Gourry slamming his fist onto the table, looking... hurt?  
  
The endless courses of food, tastes, scents, warmth, texture upon her lips and tongue...  
  
The single glass of wine she'd allowed herself, despite knowing that it wasn't a good idea to drink when you weren't feeling your best... A single glass of wine... and a blue bottle beside it, the herbal tonic she had bought on a whim from the apothecary she'd visited in the market earlier that afternoon.  
  
Her eyes widened. Could it have been poison? She felt fear like a hand closing around her heart and lungs, and for just a moment its grip tightened unbearably. /Nah, that's stupid,/ she thought, reason reasserting itself. /Why would someone slip me something so watered-down that it just makes me puke my guts up when there is stuff out there that would have killed me before I hit the ground?/ Perhaps for the same reason that someone had dumped a few buckets of slugs on her instead of just quietly slitting her throat when they had the chance?   
  
/No! These two events are completely unrelated and I'm gonna prove it!/ Digging her fists into the mattress she forced herself to a sitting position through the dark spots that danced like clouds of gnats in her peripheral vision. "Gourry, help me get dressed." She looked at the blonde standing worriedly beside the bed and felt the heat of a blush come on, embarrassment nearly nauseating in her weakened state. /Did I say that out loud?/ "On second thought, get out of here!"  
  
Gourry rubbed his chin, looking down at her in puzzlement. "Ummm, Lina, is this really such a good idea?"  
  
"Like you're one to talk about good ideas, jellyfish for brains, but since you asked: NO!" She found herself falling back on the old expedient of shouting, her chin in the stubborn, mutinous set that told anyone who knew her that she had a stupid idea and she was not going to let go of it no matter how moronic, and immature, and thoughtless and inconsiderate and... /LUNA, GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Geez, am I losing it here? Now where was I? Oh yeah.../ "but I'm going to do it ANYWAY! SO *GET OUT*!!!"  
  
Unlike last night, Gourry didn't pester her or try to change her mind, merely tiptoed out, still in his threadbare sleeping pants, and meekly shut the door in a way that somehow managed to pierce her to the core of her rage.  
  
She began to dress.   
  
Alone.  
  
It took a very long time.  
  
  
  
A few shades paler than before, Lina emerged from the room. Judging by the horrified expression on poor Gourry's face, she guessed that she probably looked even worse than she felt. And that was *really* saying something.  
  
Lina clung to the banister, waiting for Gourry as he took his turn in the room, hastily donning his own clothes. This was not a good feeling... she didn't like it one bit! But she was more than a collection of physical symptoms, dammit! She was Lina Inverse. She was also angry. Very angry. And it was the force of her crimson-haired rage alone that supported her as she made her way downstairs, followed by one very wary, very anxious blonde swordsman.  
  
"Breakfast?" Gourry suggested helpfully.  
  
Lina shot him a look so incendiary that could have burned the hairs from his head. How dare he mention breakfast?! The indignity of it, that she, Lina Inverse, vanquisher of a thousand buffets, had reached a point in her life when - at least for the moment - she could not eat. Gourry seemed to have no such compunctions - he sniffed the air appreciatively as she continued on out the inn door. After a while, with a despairing sigh, he followed her. Nope, if she couldn't eat, then he wouldn't either.  
  
Fair was fair.  
  
Oh yeah, someone was gonna pay for this.  
  
Gourry didn't say much as he followed her through the quiet streets. The town was just beginning to wake up, so it was no surprise that when they arrived at the apothecary's it was not yet open.  
  
Lina clenched her teeth and mentally checked on her reserves of magic, eyeing the locked door. Her wan face took on an expression of ruby-eyed evil that would have done Shabranigdo himself proud. "Fireball!" she shouted, though with far less force than she could have wished. A golfball sized flare hit the door, leaving a black scorch mark and little other apparent damage.  
  
"Great, just *great*!" A stomp of one booted foot nearly set the world spinning, her pint-sized fury making her still-weak body stagger. "Just great! To top it all off I'm burnt out! Gyah, Gourry, do you have to just stand there looking at me? You got a problem?" Lina finished, whirling to glare at a man with a donkey cart full of hay who was just passing through, minding his own business and whistling a merry tune in total contradiction of her mood. No, if Lina Inverse was having a bad day, then no one else had better be having a good one - not if they wanted to see another.  
  
The heat of anger in her gaze glowed so brightly one could swear to see demons within, waving tiny pitchforks in fanged glee. Man and cart made a hasty retreat - even the obstinate donkey was too scared to balk.  
  
Lina turned back to the door, pounding it with increasing fury made more lethal still by the helplessness she was experiencing, however brief it might be. "Is someone in there?" Lina bellowed, bashing the door with her gloved hands and all the diminished strength she had. "I hope you know who you're dealing with here. I know magic and I'm not afraid so use it, so open this damned door or I'll - "  
  
Partway through Lina's tirade the door opened cooperatively, and a middle-aged woman, her dark, grey-streaked hair wrapped in a green kerchief stared out at Lina uncomprehendingly. "Good morning, er... miss?"  
  
"Hey, Lina," Gourry surfaced from his breakfast-deprived stupor long enough to try to interrupt, "that's the woman I saw when..."  
  
"Shut *up*, Gourry!" Lina told him, returning her gaze to the woman, who waved at Gourry with a warm smile and no apparent idea of the danger she was in.  
  
"How are you today?" The woman asked, with an overt familiarity Lina didn't care for one bit. "My goodness, you are still so pale. Have you come down with an illness?"  
  
Lina wasn't in a mood for small talk, "Yes, it so happens I am sick as a dog, and not too happy about it, thank you. I want to talk to the man who was here yesterday."  
  
"Man? Oh, you must mean my husband, I - ack!" Lina snagged the hapless woman and dragged her into the darkened apothecary shop, slamming the door in Gourry's face before her could follow.  
  
Once inside, Lina turned the woman to face her, scrutinizing her face for any signs of evil and corruption. In her dress of embroidered homespun with its crisp white apron and the colourful green kerchief covering her greying locks, she seemed the picture of any town matron. Her dark brown eyes were vivid and intelligent and open. But that didn't necessarily mean anything. Evil took many forms. Releasing her quarry, Lina hissed, "Now, I want to speak to the man who sold me this." The red-haired sorceress pulled the treacherous blue vial from a pouch on her belt, shaking with anticipated revenge.  
  
"He sold you that?" asked the woman, horror dawning on her comfortable features.  
  
"Yes he did," Lina snarled, "and because of this stuff I can't remember most of what I did last night, because it turned me into a *walking zombie*!"  
  
"Well, my dear," the woman spoke calmly, "he shouldn't have sold you anything, because he isn't qualified. *I* am the apothecary." At Lina's look of surprise the woman chuckled. "What? I would think *you* of all people would be familiar with the changing gender roles of today's society - a tough-talking, no-nonsense young lady like you, it's obvious that you can take care of yourself."  
  
Lina found herself preening, her considerable vanity unexpectedly tickled. "Lady, you better believe I can!" Perhaps it was the remainder of the blue potion in her system, but the young sorceress found a strange sort of nostalgia sweep over her. "But...," she continued quietly, "sometimes I just wish I could be... I don't know, the romantic lead for once, but no one thinks a powerful, independent sorceress like me could end up with a guy, they figure I'll go all wishy-washy and take up knitting or something." /Huh? Where did that come from?/  
  
"That's, ummm... nice, dear, I'm Sandra, by the way," said the woman, holding out a work-roughened hand which Lina found herself shaking.   
  
"I'm Lina Inverse, but don't think because I'm here talking to you reasonably that what you've heard about me isn't true, because it is... People who mess with me regret it."  
  
"Maybe, but if you give me a few minutes, I should be able to prove that I am not trying to 'mess' with you. Now, let me see that vial of yours, I want to see if Richard's really poisoned you, or if there's any hope." At Lina's unguarded look of terror, she grinned. "I was just testing you. I don't sell poisons here, so you should be alright... if you were allergic to anything we wouldn't be having this conversation."  
  
Lina wordlessly held out the vial, a subconscious relief streaming through her as it grew more and more apparent that this situation had been a simple accident. Not that it was in any way excusable...  
  
The apothecary took the blue vial, pulling the cork and sniffing its contents suspiciously. Her dark eyes bugged out. "Oh my. Whatever my husband was intending to give you, I don't think this was it. This is my newest supply of a specially distilled flower essence from the outer world."  
  
"The outer world?" Lina mused, intrigued enough, despite herself, to momentarily forget her anger. "Trade has been established already?"  
  
Sandra shook her head, replacing the cork. "Not widely, but I have my sources. This essence is a very powerful drug which affects the senses - it can induce the 'zombie-like' state you described. It dulls the mind, and can also reduce your capacity to feel pain. I think it might be useful in helping to ease suffering when painful procedures must be done - like battlefield amputation..."  
  
Lina gulped and felt her empty gorge rising again. "Ummm, yes, so what does that have to do with me?" She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I *was* looking for essence of chamomile, something to help me sleep..."  
  
The apothecary nodded sagely, "Well, this brew could be called relaxing, but I think for you it was a bit of an overkill. How much did you take?"  
  
Lina shrugged, "I dunno - a sip or two before dinner?"  
  
"And during dinner, what did you drink?"  
  
Rubbing her head, Lina forced her mind back - this was where her thoughts got a little fuzzy. "A glass of wine."  
  
"Good heavens, child, it is a wonder you are not dead! I am going to have *words* with that man of mine! A sip or two followed by wine? You *should* be dead!"  
  
"I feel like it," Lina acknowledged, "before this morning I hadn't thrown up in years. And I don't appreciate having to relive the experience!"  
  
"I don't imagine," Sandra agreed, "but it could have turned out a lot worse. You are a lucky, lucky young woman. I will compensate you for your trouble, of course."  
  
"Now we're talking!" Lina's eyes filled with acquisitive lights of greed, all discomfort forgotten.  
  
"Unfortunately it cannot be money at this time because I've only recently purchased new stock, but you can choose from among my herbs and medicines for anything you may wish. I also have soaps and perfumes which I blend myself here in the store. So have a look around and see what you might like."  
  
A meek tapping at the shop window drew their attention, and Lina saw Gourry, faced pressed against the glass like an unwanted puppy.  
  
"I think your young man wants in," Sandra laughed.  
  
"He's not *my* young man," Lina snapped defensively.  
  
"Oh yes he is," the apothecary countered, patting Lina's shoulder confidingly. "Whether you want him to be or not, he is. You weren't awake to see his face when they pulled you from the well yesterday."  
  
"..." Torn between embarrassment over Gourry, and discomfort over the knowledge that someone else had witnessed her degradation, Lina felt her cheeks grow hot. "You were there?" she choked out.  
  
Sandra looked surprised. "Why yes I was there. I discovered you when I went to draw water. He came to investigate when I screamed, and then he looked down the well and saw it was you. He was beside himself, and he didn't relax until he had you in his arms and knew you were safe."  
  
"We've been travelling together for over three years," Lina explained, looking for a distraction as she felt the heat in her face increase. She started towards the door to let Gourry in. "We've had some... unbelievable adventures, me and Gourry, and other friends we made along the way. This sort of thing, I mean, just knowing someone that long, and being through so much, it either kills a friendship or makes it stronger, you know...?" What had started as a defence, or at least a smokescreen, somewhere along the way began to sound like a support for the very thing she had been trying to disprove. She pulled open the shop's door with more force than necessary, feeling that her strength was returning. "Come in, jellyfish brains," she told Gourry, calling him away from the window, "we're done negotiating."  
  
Gourry followed her into the shop and shut the door behind him, looking around as though checking for damage. "No fireballs?"  
  
Lina found herself grinning - gotta hand it to the jellyfish-boy, brains or not he knew her well. "Nah!" she told him, and felt oddly happy about it, "Sandra and I have an understanding. She's giving us our choice from the shop to compensate me for the fact that her husband sold me the wrong potion. That's why I was so sick this morning," she explained. "So can you think of anything we need?"  
  
Gourry gave her a blank look which went on for some time. Lina was just about to give up in a huff when the big man resurfaced from his seeming trance. "...what is that smell?"  
  
Lina smacked her forehead. "Gourry, we're in an apothecary shop with herbs and medicines of every description and you want to know what that smell is?!"  
  
"I know that Lina," the swordsman defended himself calmly, "but can't you smell the different things all wrapped up together? Over here I can smell one thing that's just a bit stronger. And it smells really good..."  
  
Sandra's eyes were sparkling. "Try the perfumes." She motioned to a table behind the blonde warrior.  
  
"Thanks!" Like a bloodhound sniffing game, the swordsman went to work picking up bottles, unstopping them to catch a whiff of their essence and then putting them back. The care he showed with the fragile glass containers surprised Lina as she watched him, who would have expected a man as big as he was could be so careful with delicate things?  
  
He continued sniffing various bottles in his quest to discover the source of the scent which had him captivated. "Ah..." The blonde man made an exhalation of pure bliss Lina could not remember hearing from him before, and cradled an amber-coloured vial protectively in his half-gloved hands.  
  
Sandra advanced towards Gourry, laughing in delight. "Oh this is *perfect*, I can't believe you chose this one!"  
  
"What is it?" Gourry asked.  
  
"My own personal blend which I've been working on for over a year, a combination of lavender and spice." She winked at Lina. "It was designed to appeal to men, and I see that it certainly has done the trick. Would you like to try some?"   
  
/Just how many times do I have to blush today?/ Lina thought angrily, crossing her arms. "And why should I? I'm a sorceress, I'm interested in improving my magical skills and gaining new spells and powers. I want adventure - I didn't strike out on my own looking for a boyfriend around every corner."  
  
"I'm not saying that you did," Sandra's voice was patient and amused at the same time. "But you should try some - there's nothing wrong with enjoying pretty things, and whether a boy likes it or not doesn't really matter. It's just a side benefit. You never know, you might find it does enhance your 'sorcery' and you might like it..."  
  
"Look," Lina spoke in clipped words, "I don't appreciate your innuendo, okay?  
  
"Yeah," Gourry echoed, "she doesn't appreciate your... whatever that word means. Lina just doesn't like to admit that she's a girl."  
  
If there had been a thermometer capable of measuring the molten capacity of the red-haired sorceress' rage, it would have still broken, mercury bursting forth and evaporating at the inferno seething to searing life within Lina's lithe body. She felt a tightness constricting in her chest, and blood pounded, its sound rushing thickly in her ears. How dare he? How *dare* he? After... after what he had said when they first met, what he had kept saying... *...thought it was a babe... instead it's just some kid...* Just some kid. Just some flat-chested kid. Did he think she wanted to be like that? So much power, she controlled, more than any other girl her age could even dream - so much power, and yet nothing that could help the one thing about herself that bothered her the most. And *why* oh, *why* did the lunkhead have to keep bringing it up?  
  
She looked at Gourry, standing there so mildly, obviously not remembering all those times... Wrath was like the burn of acid inside her, and finally she could no longer hold it in. "Well what do you expect, Mister Know-it-all," Lina shouted, her gloved hands bunching into fists, "when *some* people don't have anything nice to say about me - just keep criticizing my chest size and telling me I look like a boy! So just look me in the eyes and tell me, what the HELL kind of way is that to make someone feel like a girl, huh, can you tell me that???" She tapped her booted foot manically. "Come on, I'm wai-ting. Geez, Gourry, I know you don't have much upstairs, but I would have thought *EVEN YOU* would clue in eventually!"  
  
"Actually Lina," Gourry's tone was conversational despite the venom of her tirade, "you've grown up a lot since we first started travelling together. I mean, you're still short and all, but your chest is really not flat anymore... in fact, it's pretty easy to tell you're a girl, even when you wear all those clothes." His smile was cherubic, and betrayed no hint that the big idiot thought anything was amiss with what he had just said.  
  
Flames gathered ominously atop the glove in Lina's hand - her power had returned in full measure. "Fireb - "  
  
"Ahem, Lina," Sandra cleared her throat. "Don't be so hasty, I think Gourry just paid you a compliment..." 


	6. Oh True Apothecary/Time of the Red Flowe...

Author's Note:  
  
Eep! I don't know why this is writing itself so fast - maybe it's because I'm trying to write it instead of snacking between meals. I can see it now - The Fan Fiction Diet! I could make millions with this idea. ^_- Okay, this is getting way weird on me again, and I really must include a teeny tiny warning since it talks about that fun female event: having your period. Now being a woman of menstruating age, I feel I'm not being presumptuous to talk about it - heck, they do allude to it in the show too! It's not discussed graphically or anything, but I just want you all to know it's there.  
  
Also, about the breast thing - it may seem unlikely, but the exact same thing happened to me in high school. I'd been stable at one bra size for quite some time, and I figured that I had been given all Nature had intended, then suddenly, almost overnight it seemed, I went up a whole bra size.  
  
And finally - not to traumatize anyone or anything - but just because this is funny right now, don't count on it staying that way. ^_-  
  
This is probably the last part I will be getting out before Christmas, so I wanted to thank you all for your response, and for sharing your own fics with everyone here. Sharing the creativity that comes from inside of you with total strangers is a wonderful, courageous gift for you all to give, and I really appreciate it. Best of the season, one and all! :)   
  
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"...compliment?" Lina experienced a Gourry-like mental shutdown as the fireball dwindled to a few tendrils of smoke in her gloved hand. The blush which had previously been flirting with her face all morning now burst into a tomato-like flush of colour which all but rivalled her hair as she stood there, stunned and twitching with shock.  
  
"What did I say? What did I say?" moaned said swordsman from beneath a table, cowering in mortal fear, the amber bottle still clutched reflexively in his hands.   
  
Lina zeroed in on the sound of his voice like a petite cruise missile, crouching down to bring herself level to him as he peered at her warily through yellow fronds of bangs.   
  
"You always do this you know..." whimpered the shell-shocked warrior.  
  
"Do what?" Lina asked dangerously.  
  
Gourry's voice was small, and he seemed to be trying to curl his large form into a much smaller ball than the laws of matter and physics would permit. "Hurt me when I try to be nice to you."  
  
"Pay attention, would ya?!" Lina poked his arm, watching the tremor run through him. "Look," she spread her gloved hands, "no fireballs, see?"  
  
"Who are you and what have you done with Lina?" Gourry's voice was muffled as he hid his face in his arms.  
  
"I *am* Lina, doofus!" she explained patiently, dampening down a stray edge of frustration. "I just... never had to be Lina quite like this before." Her explanation was lacklustre at best, and she knew it, but there were fireworks going off in her brain, and she couldn't help but look down at herself, framing a hand under her bosom, reeling with impossibilities as the pieces of evidence slowly came together. Now that she really paid attention, the semi-unobstructed view she had previously enjoyed of her belt buckle was now a lot less clear. Come to think of it, her tunic fastenings *had* been more than a little uncooperative lately, but she'd ascribed that to one too many cold water washings outdoors on the road somewhere - perhaps the stress of beating it against a rock or wearing it wet as she'd sometimes had to and letting it dry on her body. Usually the problem minimized after she donned her yellow bandeau... so she hadn't thought much of it. Of all the stupid, hare-brained... gah, it was just her luck, when the long-awaited blessing finally came to her, it was not she who noticed, despite the fact that it was *her* body, no, it was Gourry, *Gourry* of all people!  
  
"Gourry, do you really mean that?" Lina asked.  
  
The blonde hazarded a glance at her again, and seemed to decide that she was safe enough for the moment, coming uncurled to sit cross-legged beneath the table. "Do I mean what?"  
  
Lina's eyebrow twitched spasmodically. /No, can't kill him - he may just have said something nice.../ "I mean what you said before," she whispered emphatically, "about me, looking *ahem*... bigger...?"  
  
The big man's knees came up, and he leaned his chin on them, a faint flush starting to stain his fair skin, his eyes darting furtively, this way and that, as though trying not to settle upon the portion of her anatomy she was asking him about. "Are you trying to get me to say it again now that I'm an easy target?"  
  
"Just. Tell. Me. If. You. Meant. It." Lina intoned slowly, with a clipped edge of manufactured patience that announced very clearly that her famous temper was starting to boil.  
  
"Yesyes,it'strue,Ireallymeantit,Imean,Isawyouandeverything,notthatIwaslooking,butit'skindofhardnotto,andIstilllikeyouandrespectyouandIthinkyoulookreallyreallynice-don'tkill!" Gourry uttered this impressive monologue at super-sonic, sweet Ceiphied Lina's gonna kill me then have me resurrected and kill me again speed, with no breaths or pauses whatsoever. Finishing, he shot her a frantic glance and launched himself from beneath the table, scrambling away on all fours - or rather all threes since he still held the amber bottle - to a new cowering spot in the furthest corner of the apothecary shop, behind a potted fern.  
  
In a much better mood, Lina followed him. Definitely better, the voice in her head exulted - oooh, this day had started out like crap but now she had boobs! *squeal!* Gyah, she was not going to turn into a quivering mass of teenage simpering over it now, was she? She was a redhead, not a blonde! Speaking of blondes...  
  
Lina stalked her quarry again. "Gourry?" she called sweetly, "you can't hide all day. I'm not going to hurt you..." She found him behind the potted plant and took his hand, dragging him from shelter. "Come on now," she grunted, pulling him into view. "That's it, stand up."  
  
Finally Gourry was looking more like his usual self - towering over her as he stared down, adorable bewilderment making his blue eyes impossibly bluer.   
  
The vial of perfume was still clasped in his hand - having miraculously survived its ordeal, and now Lina regarded it with a curiosity of her own. "Do you really think that stuff smells good?"  
  
"Sure Lina," Gourry smiled hesitantly.  
  
"Maybe I should try a little, then," she laughed, in a better mood than she could remember in ages. "What can it hurt? Put some on me..." She held out her wrist, then realized her gloves were going to pose a slight problem.  
  
"Inside of the elbow," called Sandra helpfully, from across the room where she now sat at a desk, occupied with ledgers. Lina hadn't even noticed her graceful exit, but was grateful for the privacy... although as to why she would want privacy... What? It wasn't like they were *doing* anything... Geez, this was *Gourry*...  
  
"Thanks," Gourry beamed, bobbing his head towards their unintended chaperone, turning his attention back towards Lina with a melting smile that was usually reserved for dessert. He set the vial of perfume onto a nearby table for a moment and grasped the edge of her light blue glove with the fingertips of both hands. Slowly he peeled the material down her arm just the tiniest bit, baring the minute patch of flesh where elbow met forearm, and tiny veins showed beneath the translucent, thinner skin. The cool air upon exposed flesh sent a shiver through her, unwarranted. What was with her??? It was just her *arm* for Ceiphied's sake! Just her arm, and this was just Gourry! Yes just Gourry, unstopping the vial... Just Gourry, touching the underside of the glass stopper, which also served as an applicator, to the bare skin he had uncovered... An exquisiteness of soap and spice and meadows reached its tendrils into the air, captivating, mild and sweet, yet with a hidden, mysterious beauty...  
  
"Now give it a few minutes for the alcohol to evaporate," Sandra instructed, almost automatically, not looking up from her books.  
  
Lina stood with her arm outstretched, feeling the coolness upon her skin, drowning pleasantly in the faint traces, the subtle elegance of the perfume which tickled her nose. She couldn't seem to settle on an appropriate action... put her arm down? Leave it there? What? So she stood there, waiting, not understanding what she was waiting for, only knowing that her chest had tightened strongly, a small, aching knot forming beneath her breastbone.   
  
As if understanding her dilemma, Gourry was suddenly there to assist, sliding one half-gloved hand under her forearm, and one beneath her wrist, supporting her. Capturing her, she suddenly realized, with a distant, jagged thud of her heart, as he held her outstretched arm cradled in his grasp, delicately as a flower, and raised it a little so he could gauge the effects of the perfume mingled with her unique essence. Her skin prickled as she felt his delicate inhalation, saw his eyes - vivid, electric - meet hers above the incongruous landscape of her extended upper limb, then close slowly, unwillingly... savouring her beyond all deliberate action, as though he could not help himself.  
  
/Just my arm, just my arm, just my arm.../  
  
Just a little water in her knees.   
  
It was a tiny dip she made, fractional, but his reflexes had him supporting her instantly, though she probably would not have fallen.   
  
Probably.  
  
/Please, no more blushing.../  
  
She blushed again.  
  
"Are you okay, Lina?" Gourry asked, holding her tightly, a worried frown etching his brow.  
  
"What's wrong?" Sandra came around the stacks and shelves, a quill pen tucked behind her ear, obviously in haste, because a thin line of ink was running down her cheek and onto her neck.  
  
"I'm fine," Lina slapped at Gourry's hands, feeling that her face might as well just burn up altogether if it was never going to be normal again.  
  
"It's probably just all these smells and scents assaulting you on an empty stomach, Lina," Sandra concluded. "Do you think you're feeling well enough to eat?"  
  
Twin, loud, astonishingly articulate rumbles came from both the sorceress, and her taller protector, echoing through the shop.  
  
"I sure am!" Lina realized, stepping from Gourry's arms. "I'm cured!"  
  
"Then how about celebrating with one of my home-cooked breakfasts?" Sandra offered.  
  
  
  
Being an apothecary meant you saw a lot of strange things - and Sandra must simply have just seen stranger than a wisp of a red-headed girl and her protector who between them could put away enough food to feed a small village. She had cheerfully continued to cook while the two worked long and hard to decimate the contents of her larder.  
  
When the two had been sufficiently fed that they were able to talk between bites, they found themselves engaged in friendly banter, and pleasantries that made the time pass all too quickly, for eventually, as with any good meal, the sorceress and the swordsman were forced to concede that even they couldn't eat another bite.  
  
Sandra had been delighted to learn of Lina's merchant family, and had presented her with a most tempting offer...  
  
Lina laid the last stack of provisions on the counter while Sandra struck each item from her inventory. "This is a good idea you had, for us to trade off some things as we travel - and then if people ask for more, we'll just send them your way."  
  
Sandra beamed from across the counter, and handed Lina some coins. "Bet you never thought you'd end up a travelling saleswoman."  
  
Lina weighed the pouch in her hand and felt strangely like she was saying goodbye to an old friend - though one she would surely meet again. "You know what they say, if you've got the money, I've got the time - my merchant blood's as good as yours, so why should a little vending be beneath me?"  
  
"Remember our bargain, though."  
  
"I know, I know," Lina laughed, "if I'm ever back in Zephilia I'll send you a few casks of wine. I can't guarantee when that will be though."  
  
"It's enough that you remember." Sandra smiled. "Was there anything else you wanted?"  
  
The sorceress saw Gourry waiting outside, a huge pack of supplies slung across his back, making him look more the part of an itinerant peddler than a swordsman. "..." She knew what she wanted, but...  
  
With a knowing look, Sandra surreptitiously tucked a familiar, amber coloured bottle into a padded container that held a few stomach remedies. "There's nothing wrong with admitting you have feelings for him, Lina."  
  
Lina didn't answer, merely bit her lip. She wanted to shout and yell, and generally make a fuss, but... strangely she couldn't refute what the older woman said. Gourry was... He was...  
  
"Oh, and one last present for the road," Sandra interrupted her reverie to press a bundle of waxed rose calico tied with a pink ribbon, into Lina's hand.  
  
"What's this?" Lina stared at the bundle, then brought it to her nose to sniff, sneezing at the pungent, minty scent.  
  
"Didn't your mother ever teach you about the wonders of peppermint?" Sandra asked, giving her a knowing look. "For that time of the month. I can't live without it myself..."  
  
"Oh, uhmmm, thanks..." Embarrassed by the practical gift, Lina nonetheless made careful note of where she tucked the bundle amongst her things, before hoisting the lot over her shoulder. "I guess this is goodbye," mused the sorceress, rubbing the back of her head with a free hand, "this is kind of weird, isn't it? When we were headed over here this morning I was sure I wanted to blow the place up. I never thought it would end quite like this."  
  
Sandra offered an enigmatic smile. "Neither did I. I guess..." For an instant the older woman's confidence seemed to almost... waver as she rubbed at a gouge in the wooden countertop. "I guess I was sure that everything I heard about you would be true."  
  
Lina tilted her head curiously. "What have you heard?"  
  
"Oh you know people," Sandra laughed, "the usual sorts of ignorant things - you've probably heard it all before. Well, you and Gourry travel safely now!"  
  
Lina nodded, smiling. "We will. Goodbye! And thanks!"  
  
Somehow, the 'closed' sign on the apothecary shop door never did get flipped to 'open' that day.  
  
  
  
Ah the open road. A full stomach and a source of potential revenues tied securely, if also somewhat heavily to her back... This was life as Lina liked it best.  
  
Gourry whistled, annoyingly tuneless beside her, and Lina found herself adding the swordsman to the list as well. These days on the road since the end of their last adventure... it had been months now, but she'd hardly noticed the passage of time, each day blending into the next, and from there into the next so seamlessly... So perfectly.  
  
What should have been stagnant was stable, what should have been boring was not because... because no matter how long they travelled along the same road, there was always more for them to discover. Together.  
  
Surreptitiously, the sorceress studied the taller blonde man's profile as they walked. /Might as well admit it, the Sword of Light is long gone, and here you are.../ She looked down at her feet, measured her steps, the soft crunch of gravel beneath the soles of her pale grey boots.  
  
She became aware of a dull ache in her lower back, one that was not caused by the manageable weight of her pack, and groaned mentally, realizing what it meant. /Duh!/ So that was why her fireball had sputtered this morning. Maybe the recent 'excitement' made her early? Well, it was a good thing she had that peppermint tea, but why now, why on the road? Sheesh, and the day had been going so well... Correction, it had started badly, then had improved, and now appeared to be taking another turn for the less-than-pleasant. Better make a pit stop now, before she needed to add a stop to do laundry to the 'downers' list for this particular day...  
  
"Ummm... Gourry, can we stop here for a sec?"  
  
"Sure Lina, why?"  
  
"Nature calls."  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
Lina unslung her pack from over her shoulder and rummaged inside to pull out the smaller bag which contained her more intimate personal effects, carrying it behind a concealing stand of trees. Crouching down, she began looking for the bundle of cloths she kept for... that time that sorceresses and priestesses don't really talk about. Of course, since she only needed them once a month, by the time she got around to wanting them again, they had invariably always shifted to the *bottom* of her bag.  
  
She rummaged.  
  
And she rummaged.  
  
Finally she gave up and pulled everything out of her rucksack, staring down at it blankly.  
  
They weren't there.   
  
Uh oh.  
  
She had repacked the other bag before they left - she knew it contained the rest of her clothes and the stuff she had gotten from Sandra. She knew there was nothing else in it. "Gourry?" she called, emerging from her concealment, stuffing things back into her bag.  
  
"All done, Lina?"  
  
"No," she whined, her voice edging sharp in frustration. "Gourry when we were still back at the inn, did you notice a bundle of white cloths about this big?" It was a lost cause, she was sure, but it was worth a try.  
  
"Sure!" The big man immediately brightened. "It was really nice of you to leave them on the dresser for me, they were great for cleaning my sword."   
  
"You did *what*?!" Panic-laced rage ripped through Lina like the force of a Dragon Slave, and all the benevolence she had been feeling for the blonde warrior before her evaporated in the blazing heat.  
  
She saw Gourry's eyes grow wide with fear, but also confusion as she advanced towards him slowly, the grinning skull-face of Death Himself bleeding in her scarlet eyes. He doesn't know, the frail voice of reason whispered to her, boys don't always know about girl things. /I don't *care*!,/ her anger shouted back. /What the hell am I supposed to do here - stick some moss in my pants and pray I don't get a rash?!/ Which was exactly what had happened the last time she had tried using 'Nature's pharmacy' to deal with her monthlies - the 'moss' had turned out to be a local variant akin to poison ivy! Another one of Naga's brilliant ideas - and also one of the last straws in a series of mishaps which had led to their parting ways.  
  
/And good riddance,/ Lina thought uncharitably. At least Gourry never tried to pretend he knew more than he did really did about anything. /Which means,/ she finally conceded to herself, /that he probably doesn't realize what he did./ Suddenly beating up on poor defenceless species of the phylum Cnidaria didn't seem like nearly as fun as it used to be.  
  
Her murderous onslaught abruptly ceased, though Gourry was still cringing, hands thrown up defensively.  
  
"Gourry?"  
  
He whimpered.  
  
"Gourry?" She used a little more force, prying his hands away. "What I was trying to say is that those cloths were really important to me. I need them right now. Now I know they're gone, but maybe you have something else I could use instead? Preferably something old, because I kinda have to keep them."  
  
"Ummmm," the blonde scratched his head for a moment, "oh, I know!" Dropping his bags, he fumbled inside one, retrieving the positively awful looking pants he had worn to bed the other night. He offered them to her with a dubious, yet hopeful look, seeming very eager to make up for his faux pas.  
  
"Perfect!" Lina snatched the garment gleefully and pulled out her dagger, setting to work tearing the cloth into strips before the swordsman could change his mind. They were the worst pair of pants she had ever seen, and had probably not looked much better when they were brand new - they certainly deserved to be put to the use she intended for them. Gourry had nice, lean hips, but those stupid pants had made his backside look positively *humungous*, not that she had been looking or anything... Nope... uh...  
  
She tore through one strip with a little more force than she intended, surprised by the give in the cloth. /Wow, these things are crappier than I thought!/ A cool, sharp sting shocked her back to reality as she felt the cutting edge of her dagger bite into her thumb. "Shit!" Dropping both knife and material, she stared down at the well of blood.   
  
"Lina!" Gourry was immediately by her side. "Let me see."  
  
"It's nothing," Lina argued, "I'm just a bit clutzy today. It'll heal."  
  
"You should cast recovery, or something," the swordsman told her, obstinately. "It could get infected out here."  
  
"Recovery?" Lina echoed, "come on, you've gotten bigger cuts shaving."  
  
Gourry rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I guess there was that time when I nearly slit my own throat when you and Amelia snuck up behind me and yelled 'Boo!'."  
  
"How was I supposed to know that was what you were doing?!" Lina growled. She still felt more guilt than she would ever care to admit over that particular near miss.  
  
"Hey, it's okay," Gourry told her, with a carefree smile, "I'm not dead, so no harm done, I guess. You know, you must be good for me, Lina... like what they always say, about things that don't kill you making you stronger?"  
  
Lina stared. "You... remember something like that?"  
  
"Sure," Gourry shrugged, "I don't remember everything, but I do remember the important stuff."  
  
The warm, slow trickle down her hand called her attention from where it had wandered. "Crap! It's still bleeding."  
  
"Are you still going to be stubborn and not heal it?"  
  
Lina nodded, deciding it best not to mention that she *couldn't* heal it for the moment. Gourry had seemed so, well, worried since the other day, and she didn't want to add to his burden. After all, her magic wouldn't be gone that long, a day or four - why it would be back before he even knew it was missing...  
  
"Alright, then at least let me bandage it, okay?" When she nodded mutely, Gourry peeled off her ruined glove and picked up one of the smaller cloth strips she had cut. He wound the fabric slowly around her wounded thumb, tying it in a bow.  
  
"Better?" He asked.  
  
The sorceress couldn't help but notice how close he was, and the way his hand was still holding hers. Even more shocking was the fact that she was still holding *his* hand. Most shocking of all - she was not letting go because she liked his hand where it was.  
  
Lina lifted her eyes from their entwined fingertips warily, unsure of what she would see, yet certain that it was something significant. She was in deep, uncharted waters - nearly in over her head.  
  
Uncharted too were the depths of Gourry's cerulean eyes - yes, there were depths there, despite how he sometimes seemed, and they beckoned something unknown inside of her, as the sky itself called birds to flight.  
  
"I should..." Lina's mouth interrupted the wonder, "I should finish cutting these." She gestured vaguely at cloth and knife, still laying on the ground.  
  
"Let me," Gourry intercepted her hands before she could pick anything up, and himself took up the knife and the remnants of the old pants. "Should I cut them just like you were doing?"  
  
"Yeah," Lina agreed dimly, "that would be great. Thanks."  
  
/Do something. Do something. Do *something*./ Do what? Crap, she knew very well what - that thing that had remained trapped like a fly in the amber of her mind for nearly a year, though she lacked the courage to admit it.  
  
...taste of him, as he enveloped her, the world spinning, tilting on an axis of pure joy...  
  
You see, the last thing Lina remembered from the day of Phibrizzo's defeat was not casting the Giga Slave - it was awakening in Gourry's arms, sure that she was dead and gone to paradise. What else could have explained the way the swordsman had looked at her? He had looked at her, not like some skinny, flat-chested kid, but like someone he needed, wanted...  
  
Loved.  
  
Her first kiss, and eternity was in his lips... and as for Lina, she was unable to imagine doing anything else but answering it, answering him...  
  
And then, abruptly, back to the world, back to the watching eyes, and her heart far too open for such a place, far too naked and vulnerable to be left where it was, bleeding in her eyes, where anyone could look at it and know she was not as carefree as she pretended.  
  
As she used to be.  
  
And so she had hidden, behind feigned temper and a lot of noise, trying to drown out her pounding heart. Pretending she didn't remember.  
  
After all, it wasn't as though Gourry himself did. How could he?  
  
Everything had almost gone back to normal, but every now and then something happened that set Lina on edge, made her forget, for just an instant, how to be herself. There was no place in her facade for these sorts of unnamed longings.  
  
She wanted to hate him for these feelings, this niggling certainty that he had become a part of her happiness. It used to be that she didn't need anyone, but Gourry... wasn't just anyone. He was Gourry.  
  
Just Gourry?, mocked an inner voice. Not likely.  
  
"Lina," a flash of glove and skin swept down in front of her open, staring eyes. "Hello? I'm done."  
  
Lina looked down, seeing a pile of carefully folded cloth strips. "Thank you," she whispered, scooping up the pile and stuffing it into her bag. "I'll be right back."  
  
Behind the bushes once more, she answered the call of Nature that had been her original pretext and then made the necessary adjustments to her undergarments. The fabric needed to be doubled up, but it was better than nothing. She wriggled around experimentally to make sure it would all stay in place and emerged from her retreat.  
  
"Now I'm ready," she told the swordsman.  
  
And the road stretched out before them, waiting. 


	7. Hello My Ragtime Gal! - Part the First

Author's Note:  
One last part before Christmas! Yay! Okay, the first thing I have to say is that as far as the chapter title goes - pun intended! Groan if you like, but I will continue your pun-nishment. I am totally evil and I practically grew up reading Piers Anthony, so sue me. ^_-  
  
Secondly, the little bit with the potion may be slightly familiar - yes, I've borrowed that from the ripe old Arthurian tale of Trystan and Isolde - if you want a good re-telling of that, I'd suggest "The White Raven" by Diana L. Paxon. I've often wondered about that whole love potion thing, how much of it was really magical, and how much of it was simply the power of suggestion...  
  
In any case, happy holidays - whatever you are celebrating, the longest night of the year has passed and light is coming through the darkness of winter to illuminate all our lives. Rejoice!  
  
I'm dedicating this part to Lina-chan and all the rest of the cast of Slayers Phoenix - a frighteningly talented bunch, and my inspiration. ^_^  
  
_______________  
  
  
They made it quite far that day, with a minimum diversion from their usual routine - if Gourry noticed they made more frequent tree and/or bush stops, he was far too polite to say anything.  
  
Lina was quite proud of herself. Usually the first day of her period was by far the worst, but, apart from a dull ache low in her abdomen, which was actually feeling better because of all the walking, she felt pretty darn good, if she did say so herself. And she did, quite often. Perhaps a little too often if she were to judge by the strange looks Gourry gave her as she announced again what a beautiful day it was and how happy she was to be alive. Realizing that continuing to gloat could further arouse even his suspicion, she decided to shut up.  
  
It was too good to last though, and near dusk they finally made camp by default after Lina went behind a tree and subsequently never emerged again.  
  
"Are you okay back there, Lina?" Gourry asked for the fifteenth time.  
  
"Yes, I'm *fine*," Lina lied through clenched teeth.  
  
"Then why are you taking so long?"  
  
"I guess I ate too much after my stomach was so upset this morning. I'll be okay. Listen, could I maybe have a little privacy here? I mean, I know you can't see anything, but talking to you like this while I'm... you know, it's just kinda weird."  
  
"I know, Lina," the swordsman agreed, his voice not without sympathy. "But we don't know who else is out here, and while you're out there and I'm back here would be the perfect time for someone to grab y - either one of us. Couldn't you make some noise or something?"  
  
"Noise," she echoed. "Gourry, if I'm making noise in the bushes while I'm taking a crap," she began crudely, too tired and cramped to care about niceties, "then you've got a lot more to worry about than someone capturing me."  
  
"I guess you're right, Lina. Why don't I just come and hold your hand 'til you're done?  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE!" she shouted, causing a flock of birds in a nearby tree to take flight in mortal terror. She was reasonably sure the blonde had been joking, but there was only one way to make sure.  
  
"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the walllllll," she sang out in a somewhat wavery soprano, intense, cramping waves killing whatever singing voice she'd ever had claim to. But she was Lina Inverse, and a sorceress, and she could handle far worse than this - singing with cramps was nothing compared to casting the Giga Slave.  
  
  
  
Ninety-nine bottles of beer and two Zephilian grape-stomping songs later, a grey-lipped Lina swayed drunkenly from the bushes to find camp was already prepared.  
  
"Hmmm, I though I smelled a fire," she mused, "and food..."   
  
A pair of large hares roasted over the crackling flames - the smell appealing to her taste buds, though her recalcitrant body swore bloody retribution (no pun intended) if she so much as went too near food.  
  
Gourry, however, was nowhere in sight.  
  
"Gourry?!" she yelled, "don't tell me you had me sing myself hoarse only to wander off and get lost yourself?!"  
  
"You don't sound hoarse," the swordsman laughed, emerging from the other side of the clearing, covering his ears. "There's a stream that way," he held up their kettle, sloshing it in illustration. "If you want water for anything..."  
  
"Perfect." That settled her question about what she was going to do about her already limited concession of makeshift feminine supplies. All she wanted to do was curl up and surrender to unconsciousness, but she needed clean things by tomorrow, so there was no help for it. "I'll just go wash up."  
  
The water of the small stream was cold, and her soap didn't lather very well, but she was able to scrub everything until it mostly met with her satisfaction - as far as she could tell in the fading light. Now came the problem of drying them. When there had been more girls in their group it had been a lot easier in some ways... after months of travelling together, she and Amelia had been almost synchronous, and while it was still embarrassing to literally air one's dirty laundry in a mixed camp, it wasn't quite so bad when there were two of you. Now, alone with Gourry, she faced not only the embarrassment, which she'd managed to circumvent through sheer necessity, but the fact that it would be just her luck if the not-so-savvy blonde were struck with one of his rare moments of total lucidity if he came upon a bush full of drying rags.  
  
It took her some time to find a spot that was both out of the way, and yet close enough that nothing ought to happen to them, and it was a very weary Lina who finally dragged herself back to camp.  
  
"The water's boiled," Gourry called, sitting cross-legged in front of the fire as he tended their cooking dinner. "Do you want tea?"  
  
"Tea! Yes!" Perking up just a little, Lina recalled the package she had received from Sandra. "Actually, I've got something Sandra gave me that I want to try - it's good for upset stomachs." She got down by the fire and quickly retrieved the rose calico package, undoing the ribbon as Gourry passed her a tin mug and a spoon.  
  
A folded square of paper sat atop the dark green leaves, which were ground into a fine powder. "What's this? Hmm, probably instructions..." She unwrapped the paper - a lifetime of studying magic, and her experience this morning, had taught her you don't try anything without reading the instructions. What she found when she began to read, however, were instructions of a different kind.  
  
  
************  
'Lina,  
By the time you read this note, I hope you're far away. Nothing personal, I'm just sure that if you aren't, you may not be so forgiving as you were this morning. Ah well, either way it can't be helped.  
  
It is now time for me to tell you the whole truth about the potion you inadvertently drank from yesterday. You see, I told you it was dangerous, and that it was a powerful drug, but the medicine is particularly risky because it possesses a special, magical quality which I haven't yet been able to purge from it: it makes the drinker fall in love with the first person they see after consuming it.  
  
Now I can only assume you saw Gourry, both because you two seem quite inseparable, and judging from your reactions in the store.'  
************  
  
  
Cold shock spreading through her veins, Lina barely absorbed the next paragraphs which followed, details on the expected progression of her magically induced affection, and the fact that there was no known cure.  
  
/No known cure????/  
  
As if sensing the sorceress' panic, the letter changed veins.  
  
  
************  
'I racked my brain thinking of a way to help. So I did the best I could: at breakfast I laced some of Gourry's food with the potion as well - so at least you don't have to be in this alone. I know this will come as a great shock to you, and I wish there was a better way to solve it. All I can tell you is that few people in this world have a chance at love, whether magical or not.   
  
You will learn to live with these strange new feelings inside you - right now they may seem like a weakness to such an independent young woman, but I hope you will come to learn that they can be your greatest strength. Love is powerful sorcery, Lina; when your voice is silenced and your hands are bound, it is the fiery might of a Dragon Slave, cast with the power of your heart. When the darkness comes, as it does for all of us, sooner or later, it will be your light. Believe in it.  
  
- Sandra'  
************  
  
Lina stared down at the paper held in her hands, seeing the spidery ink seem to melt, blurring before her vision. She felt... what did she feel?  
  
/Now I know what's wrong with me./ The thought echoed dimly. Wrong. But was it wrong?  
  
"Lina?" Gourry asked, "what are you reading there?"  
  
"Nothing," her hand shook as she hastily replaced the note and spooned some of the herbs into her mug, holding it out for Gourry to fill with boiling water. She stirred the herbs for long moments, savouring the strange coolness of the minty vapours, enveloped in the hot, ghostly wisps of steam.  
  
Gourry turned their meal over the fire, trying to get the meat to an equal state of just-short-of-burnt-but-still-edible on both sides.  
  
The sun was nearly down, dwelling on the cusp of the horizon, its light a flame-dark orange like banked coals. Summer meant the evenings were still warm, but the sight of the sun going down, symbolically taking away its warmth, found her shivering slightly in her cloak, wrapping her fingers around the warmth of the mug.   
  
She'd shed her other glove - maybe later she would be inclined to see if she could salvage its cut and bloodstained mate, but for now her hands were bare. She could see the vague difference in skin tone between her forearms and her upper arms where they were bared by her tunic. Which was another matter altogether - ever since the morning's episode of self-discovery, she had not been able to stay comfortable in her clothes, always tugging on her shirt, and adjusting her bandeau, feeling stifled, constricted.  
  
/You're in a rut, Lina, admit it./ If she'd had more presence of mind this morning, she would have made a stop for some new clothes, but she'd been just a little dazed and distracted, and Gourry had seemed anxious for them to be on their way. /That's it, next town, I'm going shopping!/ Maybe it was time to have a new look . What would Gourry think of that? Like it mattered...  
  
Like it didn't matter.  
  
The sorceress sipped her tea, feeling the scalding warmth settle in her belly with a burning and a coolness afterwards that seemed to ease the ache of tension knotted in her innards. She sighed loudly, and slumped with relief, stretching out as she leaned against a fallen log Gourry had pulled closer to the fire to provide a sitting spot. She petted the mug absently, as if it were a pet. Nice tea, very nice tea - she'd definitely be keeping some around after this - sure it wasn't a perfect solution, but it definitely helped.  
  
"Feeling better?" Gourry raked his hair away from his face, and shot her a smile that seemed even warmer in the dancing light of the fire. "'Cause I can always find room for your share of dinner if you can't."  
  
Lina tossed a pinecone at him - it bounced off his forehead and stuck in the waves of his hair. "Dream on," she laughed teasingly. "I can eat. I'd hate to see all your hard work going to waste."  
  
Gourry didn't respond to the compliment - he was too busy trying to retrieve the pinecone from his golden hair. He grunted in frustration as the scraggly seed bundle spun, wrapping itself still further, like a caterpillar in a cocoon.  
  
Chuckling, Lina gulped down her tea quickly, despite its lingering heat, and went to rescue him. "Here," she settled down beside the big man, taking the tangled strands from his frustrated fingers.   
  
"Why did you have to do that?" said rescuee mumbled to his unlikely heroine. "We'll probably have to cut it out now."  
  
"Would you have preferred I fireballed you?" inquired Lina sweetly.  
  
"N-no, that's okay." She saw his eyes, screened by the wheaten richness of the hair hanging in front of them, and felt his touch, a single finger running across the back of her hands where her small fingertips worked gently at unravelling the tangle. "I don't know what it is about today, but you're different, somehow..."  
  
Lina gulped. He knew. About her period, about the potion - it didn't matter which, she just had a sudden, terrified feeling that he knew everything. "Oh?" Unpicking a few more hair strands from around the pinecone, she forced an uneasy laugh. "You think so...?"  
  
"It must be your hair in the light from the fire..." Gourry's voice was soft, almost shy. "I never said it before, but it's really pretty in the night, you can see each little hair, and it seems just like a twig that was nearly burned away... you know, when the fire has gone right inside it, and you can see it shining so bright it hurts to look at it...."  
  
Lina's brow furrowed in irritation at the somewhat disjointed - not to mention backhanded - attempt at flattery, while at the same time she found herself blushing - again, dammit! - her face feeling hotter still thanks to the nearby fire. "So you're saying it hurts to look at me. " Sarcasm dripped saccharine in her tone and she gave the pinecone an extra hard tug, no longer inclined to gentleness, but wanting to get as far away from him as possible, as quickly as possible. "Gee, thanks."  
  
"Ouch!" The big man exclaimed. "Lina don't *do* that!" He captured her hands, warm in his grasp. "Please..."  
  
"Let GO!" she spat, suddenly wildcat fierce and every bit as fiery as she looked.  
  
But Gourry held her as she struggled ineffectually - inner voice mocking her, that perhaps she was protesting too much, and didn't want to escape nearly as much as she pretended.  
  
"You know," Gourry mused, hardly seeming to notice her for a moment, before turning the full intensity, and sudden seriousness of his gaze on her, spearing her like an arrow of ice. Ice that burned. "I think it does hurt to look at you. I feel like I'm staring at, I don't know, the sun or something, and I'm going to go blind. Because you're just... just too beautiful." Gourry swallowed harshly. Lina had never seen him like this - well, maybe just once, after the battle with Mazenda, when he had thought she had fallen from the floating land mass to her death. "I don't know what it is about you, Lina, you've got so much light, so much fire, and you just don't know what to do with it..." he was speaking quietly before, but now his voice was barely above a whisper, a plea. "Except burn me." His shoulders slumped in defeat.  
  
Lina's heart was pounding, a mixture of shock and disbelief, what Gourry had said... he must have had even more potion than she did. As it was, she could almost feel the drug dancing effervescent in her veins, agitated, ignited by the words he had spoken. Who knew it could have come on so suddenly?  
  
And suddenly the thought occurred to her - it was incurable, right? So why bother fighting it...? She had thought maybe some day she *might* like to find a special man, but the concept had been vague, a distant, insubstantial dream saved for 'later'. But what was the point of that - saving your dreams like pebbles in a box, waiting until the time is right to go after them? Why should she do that with one dream when all the rest of her life had been based upon the simple philosophy of pursuing her dreams in the here and now - the only place that really mattered? And if tomorrow never came, then at least she could say that she had done everything, tasted everything, experienced everything she possibly could.  
  
How could she refuse this and be true to herself? How could she refuse, when now, to her suddenly opened eyes - it seemed Gourry was on the verge of giving her his heart. How could he not, when she was so beautiful? How could she not accept, when *he* was so beautiful that she had mocked him for that same beauty that no man had a right to possess by dressing him incessantly in women's clothing? When her heart was literally throwing itself at him despite the prison of her ribs, battering against the walls of her chest until it felt bruised with longing?  
  
"Gourry," Lina whispered quietly, "maybe I do know..." She broke free of his grip then, stared, saw the flash of disbelief and comprehension pass through the crystal pallor of his eyes. Lina didn't wait for him - she couldn't, she was suddenly free and desperately anxious to test her wings. Leaning forward, roughly pushing his hair aside, the entangled pinecone forgotten, she searched his mouth with her own, gasping as she felt him respond instantly, hotly.  
  
No shadow of a dream this, no, this was reality, the shrinking down of her world to encompass nothing but the heart of his greedy mouth as they fought to devour each other.   
  
Lina was doing her share of the devouring. Who knew it could be like this, the moist reality of another's mouth, the immediacy of tongue, strange until she learned his taste - a neverending delicacy. His body felt so warm, pressed against hers - how had she ended up in his lap?! Oh, what did it matter, she was here... here at last, where she had longed to be for longer than she cared to admit.  
  
Nothing else mattered.  
  
  
Gourry froze only briefly as Lina went from shy to aggressive in a volatile eyeblink. She kissed him. *She* kissed him. She *kissed* him, a melding of tongue and teeth and passion as hot as her anger had ever been. It was even more wonderful than it had been on the day of Phibrizzo's defeat - yes, he remembered that day too, how could he not, such heat would burn itself into the fibres of even his brain forever, an indelible brand beyond the hottest fire.  
  
The fragile silk of her skin under his hand, the frail, angry bones seeming to gnaw within her cheek, her mouth working to assault his with untutored skill. It was all so precious to him, her strangeness, her wonder...  
  
On that long ago day it had been a dream, the slowness, the disbelief, the certainty that he had been waiting all his life for that moment without knowing. Now it was a taste of paradise he had been uncertain he would ever recapture, and he savoured it, desperately, fearfully, not sure how long the gift would be given or what it really meant.  
  
But Lina was kissing him, and *she* had started it. His heart soared. 


	8. Hello My Ragtime Gal! - Part the Second

Author's Note:   
*WARNING* *WARNING* *WARNING* *WARNING*  
  
Okay, this is right where the fic begins to earn the rating of R which my cruel mind ultimately envisioned. This is not one for the stomach folks, and has non-consensual, though not *too* graphic sexual activities - that's RAPE ;_; , not to mention a more personal delve into the realms of menstruation and bladder control than most sane human beings would ever want...   
  
Inspirations? Contemporary accounts of Marie Antoinette in a tumbril on her way to the guillotine. *shudders and goes to bed where it's safe and warm*  
  
______________  
  
The fire - together with their forgotten dinner - burned on merrily beside them, a light in the darkness of the woods.  
  
A beacon.  
  
Gourry groaned softly and Lina answered him with a sound of approval halfway between a growl and a squeak. His senses had tuned out all but her - if Lina was intense in day to day life, in close quarters like this she was volcanic, but in the best of all possible ways.   
  
He could feel her small hands knotting themselves furtively into the fabric of his shirt, and responded by pulling her slender body closer to his own, trying not to startle her with too much familiarity all at once. It was no easy task, in fact, the degree of pent up ardour he held made it all but impossible for him to keep his hands still where they rested on her shoulder blades, beneath the warmth of her cloak which had swept around him with her sudden explosion of passion. But despite the prowess she was quickly gaining, it wasn't difficult to guess, from her shyness of before, that Lina could not be any more experienced than he was. No, he most definitely did *not* want to startle this perfect armful of cute - and let's not forget unpredictable and potentially lethal - sorceress, for now he was content to surrender himself to her kiss.  
  
...the way she was unconsciously squirming in his lap, reacting, perhaps to the same hidden force that was making other parts of him very attentive to her...  
  
Ahem. For now he was content to surrender himself to her kiss. Really he was.   
  
When need for breath finally forced them to part she did not recoil with the shyness or affronted virtue, the rejection Gourry tried to prepare himself for. Instead she burrowed closer against him, sighing loudly, sighing his name. "...Gourry..." she breathed, "oh that was good..." her voice became small with uncertainty, "...wasn't it?"  
  
No longer absorbed in the moment, Gourry found that a part of him still didn't entirely understand what had happened - more than a part. With all the logic he possessed - not as much as most, though more than most would credit him - he tried to trace back the moments that had led to this one. Maybe he was as stupid as Lina accused him of being... maybe she had been trying to tell him this all along, maybe she had felt this way all along, just as he had.  
  
"Gourry?" Lina prodded him again, tried to escape his arms, when he was not answering soon enough for her satisfaction.  
  
"Lina," he answered, then replied in the only way he knew, the only way he wanted to, with another kiss.   
  
Again he was lost, lost in Lina, too lost in fact, for anyone's good - the swordsman realized this all too late, when the feeling of cold steel slid between their entwined necks, coming up to nick him in the jaw.  
  
He opened his eyes, wide, and frightened blue meant equally wide and terrified red. Lina frowned, and arched her brows meaningfully. There were men behind him, he guessed, in addition to the shadowy figures he could see poised behind Lina. Surrounded. Dammit.  
  
"Don't you move a muscle..." a voice warned dangerously, "I can slit both your throats in the time it would take you to part from that luscious liplock of yours." Crude laughter, taken up by many throats, echoed in the clearing. Gourry could feel hot blood dripping from his chin, only a scratch, but it warned him effectively enough.  
  
"What a sight, the great Lina Inverse, proving she's a woman like any other." More crude laughter echoed. "Though it's said only a fool would risk his nuts to bed such a flat-chested sorceress. It's also said that lately she's been keeping company with a fool of a mercenary, and now here's the proof before our very eyes. Tell me, lass, is he as good with his other sword?"  
  
With relief Gourry saw the fire come back into Lina's eyes, felt her snarl against his mouth, in pure flame-headed rage.  
  
"Bind their hands," the unseen voice ordered, keeping out of Gourry's limited field of vision.   
  
He felt adrenaline galvanize his blood. They couldn't tie her, they mustn't, for as long as she was free, she was a bigger threat than anyone could deal with. If he could just buy her a distraction, then with her powers she could easily incapacitate them all.   
  
Lightning fast he grabbed the blade held to their throats, grabbed it in his gloved hands, feeling the cutting edge slice through his protective gauntlets and into his palms as he forced it bodily away from the most important person in his world... "Now, Lina!" he shouted. "Let 'em have it!"  
  
A muffled sound was his only reply, and he averted his eyes for a moment, saw Lina, already bound and gagged, the dull, regretful glimmer of defeated ruby eyes - too late, already too late - the distraction he had created for her had instead become his own.  
  
"NO!!!" It couldn't end like this, it couldn't. He continued to hold the sword, mindless as it slid from his grip, cutting his hands still further.   
  
Again he heard the sound, a muffled scream, coming from Lina, saw her eyes, wide, desperate, pleading above the gag. Her terrified face was the last thing his brain registered before explosive white hot pain blazed behind his eyes, and then... darkness.  
  
  
Lina tried to scream Gourry's name, to warn him as the sword came down - pommel first, small blessing though it was - and knock him into the folds of unconsciousness. Her heart pounded in disbelief, quieting only slightly when it became clear they were going to tie him up rather than kill him outright. Her mind scrambled frantically for a solution to her dilemma - here she was, without powers, and, for the moment, without a protector. Why? Why now? When she had only just discovered...  
  
It was them. In a flash she recognized the truth. It was them, or if it was not them, the same people who had humiliated her before, it didn't especially matter, because either way she was in unfriendly hands with no defence but her wits.  
  
/Stupid move, not telling Gourry, I guess./ But what could he have done, even if he knew? Not kissed her maybe. Maybe she shouldn't have kissed him, but if she hadn't, who knew when she would have found the courage again.  
  
And as for now, who knew when or if she would have the chance again?  
  
No! That was not the kind of thinking that had ever gotten her everywhere. She was still alive, for the moment, and, as far as she knew, so was Gourry. There was hope, there had to be! But dammit, she just *hated* being trussed, hog-tied like some sort of glorified food animal.  
  
Lina punctuated the thought with a good, hard, booted kick in the general direction of *someone* who was invading her personal space. She had the brief satisfaction of hearing someone yelp, and lashed out again, putting all her fury at her helplessness into the blow, which also connected. Then she realized why she was the focus of a swarm of activity as her feet were held together and expertly bound.  
  
She grunted as she was effortlessly tossed like a travel bag over some skinny wretch's bony and extremely uncomfortable shoulder, and carried off into the night.  
  
Lina did not know how long they walked, she sprawled on the back of one of her abductors. The image of Gourry, unconscious, tied and helpless, burned into her mind, making her shudder with inescapable, futile rage. There was nothing for her to do now but wait to see what would happen when they arrived at their destination, and hope whoever it was might be in the mood to negotiate.  
  
Moods... it reminded her of something else, her rags, still back on the bush near camp. She could feel slickness increasing between her thighs - she would need another change soon. She also needed to use the bathroom - badly - but could make neither demand comprehensible through the cloth gag stuffed into her mouth and secured with another strip of cloth. If she was less mannerly she might have urinated on the man who carried her, save that she wasn't about to push her luck while bound and without her powers - at least for the moment. Though if he carried her much longer on this bouncy route through the treacherous woodland terrain she would have little choice. The brute probably wouldn't notice, came the uncharitable thought, with the way he smelled, a little urine would be an improvement on his current stench.  
  
At long last her nose, eager for any new scents to break the monotony of sour unwashed body, scented the vague tinge of burning wood in the distance - a fire, and fire meant camp. By this time her overfilled bladder was nearly bursting at the notion of potential relief.  
  
The ragtag group made its way to a clearing similar to the one she had lately been abducted from, save that there were many more men around this fire than there had been around hers - and none nearly as savoury or gentle seeming as Gourry. A few threadbare tents completed the makeshift camp.  
  
Lina was set down on her feet, and promptly fell, pins and needles from her bonds making her legs spindly and useless. She felt her bladder threaten again at the jarring impact of her backside with the soil, but she forced the recalcitrant organ to comply. Men surrounded her on all sides, swarthy skins gleaming in the firelight, dark eyes hollow and lizardlike. She knew their kind, the lean hunger they carried even when well-fed. Bandits. Well, she was the Bandit Killer, and the last thing she needed was to be seen pissing herself in front of them – it was supposed to be the other way around.  
  
"So," arrogant, yet oddly mellow, a voice cut through the clearing and the excited chatter of the men who had brought her. "The Bandit Killer falls into our hands at last."   
  
/He knows my reputation./ She couldn't help but feel a little satisfaction, that and a hope that her potential for cruel revenge would make them reluctant to hold onto her.  
  
The men parted, revealing a tall, noble-looking man, dressed in rags the same as the others, but the air of self-possession he carried proclaimed him, if not leader, then definitely one of the hierarchy of this particular group.  
  
Lina snarled, putting all the hatred she could into her eyes, above the gag.  
  
Surprisingly, the man came forward, his dark eyes meeting Lina's with amusement as he raked a hand through his shaggy black hair and made as if to untie the cloth. "Are you certain she is powerless...?"  
  
"She didn't have a chance to cast any spells before we caught her!" One of the bandits proclaimed proudly.  
  
"Well, that's no good to me, now is it?" The supposed leader asked, a thin patience in his voice. "I want to keep her with us for a time before we deliver her. It was part of the bargain."  
  
Deliver? Bargain? Keep her? Lina did not like the sound of that.  
  
"Oh, she's powerless alright," crude laughter rippled through the crowd as a younger, shorter bandit was pushed through the group to face them. "Look what she did to Kenji."  
  
"Kenji?" The leader asked.  
  
"Turn around!" the bandits called. "Show him your 'badge of honour'!"  
  
With a red face, the bandit in question did as he was bidden, and Lina saw telltale spots of red spread out over his shoulder. This man had carried her, she realized, flushing with affront and embarrassment, and the blood displayed so brazenly on the flag-like pallor of his homespun shirt was hers...  
  
Intense rage shuddered through her more piercing than before as the men around her guffawed, mocking her most private and intimate business.  
  
"They did not wound you?" Morbidly distracted by the sight of her humiliation Lina fell backwards with the force of a blow, the first hint she'd had that she was being spoken to. She stared up at her abuser.   
  
"That is not blood from a wound, that is your woman's time?" He made as if to hit her again and Lina found herself nodding frantically, yes. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with this business now? When I said seal her magic, I meant using something a little cleaner..."  
  
"Squeamish, brother?" a new voice joined the fray, and Lina turned her head to see a shorter, more wiry, yet somehow more regal version of the man she had assumed to be the leader. "You always were interested in fancier ways of doing things. Myself I prefer the ways of nature, why put your faith in the caprice of magic when Mother Nature will get the job done more reliably, not to mention more cheaply. I don't care whether she has her courses, as a matter of fact I welcome the proof that she is old enough for what I intend to do to her."  
  
"You'd never know it by her tiny chest!" a wise-ass among the bandits snickered.  
  
Lina hardly heard the insult, though normally it would have tightened her heart with wrath. She had not heard anything beyond the last statement of the man now before her. He was the man in charge, and what he wanted...   
  
Her mind travelled back ridiculously to that long ago evening of another capture, faces rising like unbidden ghosts behind her eyes. Zolf the 'Mummy Man', and his monstrous cohorts. Outraged by her insults, he had not been able to find anyone willing, or able to rape her, and thanks to the burns she had inflicted, was in no shape to do it himself. The refusal of Dilgear, the half-troll wolfman, had been somewhat comical in retrospect, and she had told the story later, in a rare moment of good humour, laughing all the while. Laughing, how she had laughed, with no true notion of the near escape.  
  
Now however, she wasn't laughing as she stared at the short-statured bandit before her, took in his smirk. No fastidious troll-beast this - with visions of stacked goblins and petite cyclopses dancing in his head. No, before her was nothing so outwardly monstrous, and yet somehow a greater monster than any of them, come to her in a Human like herself, one who would be all too glad to take what she would never willingly give him.  
  
Shock still coursed through her, as she was lifted into wire-strong arms and carried into one of the tents.   
  
Once inside, her captor tossed her roughly onto a cot and followed her down, pulling the gag from her mouth. With him crudely atop her, their size differences seemed even less. A brief hysterical thought struck her that this man was ridiculously small to be a rapist, and she would never have guessed him the type if she had passed him in the street.  
  
But Luna had warned her not to judge by appearances. Lina did not want to admit it, but she was extremely scared in that moment, even the thought of her dreaded older sister coming to the rescue was not nearly as terrifying as it would normally be, though she would have slit her own throat sooner than admit it.  
  
That is, if the fellow leering down at her wasn't already planning to do that when he was done.  
  
When he was done. After he had... when she was... The grinding of her brain could force her thoughts no further past the point of What Must Not Happen.  
  
All the while her thoughts churned, Lina was coughing and swallowing around a tongue that felt like cotton. She spent long, precious seconds trying to recuperate lost moisture as the bandit leader stared down at her. Her brain fumbled, her heart was racing, this couldn't be happening... but it was. "You know I'm bleeding," she tried, not flinching from his gaze. "I can't believe you'd want to... be with someone like that."  
  
"I could wash you first," her captor replied, not seeming too concerned. "In case you haven't clued in yet, I plan to rape you, the blood inside you now is probably as wet as you're going to get for me. I've heard you were a shy maiden, unless the man you were with has deprived you of that, hmm?"  
  
"Yes," Lina lied, trying to sound convincing. "He has!" Viscerally, suddenly she wished it was true, Gourry's gentle face filling her vision, his smile of sweet innocence, the bliss after they had kissed in what had seemed to her a meshing of souls... What lessons he would teach her... lessons of joy, even though she was not quite ready for them... not, not... this demon in the guise of a man, parodies of emotions dancing across his features, taunting her with the knowledge that he might not be swayed... /Might as well not give him the satisfaction of knowing he's going to get *that* as well./ Gourry's face again filled her inward vision and she felt her resolve strengthen. /Gah, listen to yourself, you're not giving up, not yet, do you hear me Lina-chan! Think, *think*!/  
  
"Good," her captor agreed, "then you'll know what to do." He pressed himself against her, and though he smelled clean, Lina gagged at his nearness, and the way his hands caressed her legs boldly as they crept down to untie her ankles. "I do hope you'll fight me as much as you can - I've heard so much about your fire that I've longed to experience it firsthand."  
  
She lifted her leg to kick him. "I'll show you fire!"  
  
Laughing, her captor merely took advantage of her movements to settle between her parted legs, not quite touching her. "I think you're wearing far too many clothes." A knife was in his hand suddenly, and before she could protest he had slit open both her yellow bandeau and the rose and white tunic she wore beneath, exposing her newly developed breasts to his gaze.   
  
"Stop that!" Lina shouted, face flushing with angry shame as her nipples tightened in the chill air.  
  
"What's this?" The sight of her drew a pause. "Why, if I did not trust my men implicitly I would think you were an impostor, these," his hot hands immediately cupped her untouched flesh, "no one speaks of a Lina Inverse with beautiful breasts like these..."  
  
"There is a lot people don't know about me," Lina hissed with forced defiance, fighting a tremor in her voice as he continued to fondle her. "Just leave me alone and I might let you live."  
  
"Just please me and I might let *you* live," the bandit leader countered, using his knife to slit away the yellow codpiece of her pants - unconcerned with the red circle of half-dried blood already spreading there. He tore away the rest of the fabric, leaving the pants a wreck as he forced a hand roughly between her legs, caressing her through the equally stained fabric of her undergarments.  
  
Lina felt tears starting in her eyes, and struggled ineffectually in her bonds, but the rope still binding her wrists allowed him to hold both her hands down effortlessly as he continued to violate her - smaller humiliations made worse by the knowledge that there was even more to come. He found something sensitive and pinched - hard - making her yelp.  
  
It was not happening, it was not! It could not be happening, she was Lina Inverse - no one did that sort of thing to Lina Inverse. Not if they wanted to live. She forced her eyes open, not remembering that she had closed them, trying to escape a grim reality which was growing even more grin. A tear spilled free down her cheek and her heart thudded fear and fury, seeing him smile at this unwilling sign of submission, or resignation. /You can't just let this happen! You can't!/ Tightening her lips in contempt she stared at him as hard as she could, biting her lip to until it bled to keep from sobbing aloud as he pushed her underwear aside and slid a finger *inside* her, twisting it crudely, this way and that.  
  
"You're tight as a maid," the bandit leader murmured with undisguised relish, "it must be because you're such a small girl... either that or your swordsman didn't... break you in as properly as you claim."  
  
Lina fought as her eyes tried to close again, more tears spilling free. She could smell the raw, earthy scent of herself rising in the air, a miasma of sureality, the darkness of the blood, dark as the outrage threatening to consume her. "NO! You won't do this!" She fixed her eyes on his face, memorizing every detail, every sinuous smirk, every shift of his small eyes. She had killed before, Mazoku lords and enemies deliberately, most bandits and other human folk by accident, through excessive magic, but here before her was the first human Lina Inverse vowed to kill purposefully, and very slowly, with all the hatred that now trembled in her heart.  
  
His finger continued to dance within her, his whole hand pressing against her forcefully, touching places that seemed to recoil, or wish they could. He increased the pressure and Lina's eyes widened as she felt her bladder, once forgotten, now asserting itself with a new desperation. She needed to pee *right now* dammit! Geez, some people, at least he could have had the decency to let her go to the bathroom before raping her! The thought, so preposterous at a time like this, made her snort a small despairing, half-mad laugh.  
  
/You know.../  
  
It had always been a hard thing to subdue Lina for long, even when moments are at their bleakest. Claret became the colour of sheer perversity, inversity in her eyes, as if evil had somehow become a fine wine to savour. Oh yes, those eyes which had seen the deaths of greater men than this took on a wicked gleam that her assailant, caught up in his torments, was not wise enough to recognize. She had no magic, she did not have the use of her hands, but she had two things in her favour: her wits, and, as the bandit lord himself had so cleverly attested, the power of Mother Nature.   
  
Now Lina was a lady, despite what some said of her, or at the very least housebroken. So, even though her swimming bladder throbbed, so delineated in her body that she could have probably painted a still life of the organ, sight unseen, it actually took a moment of concentration to force herself to release it without the expedient of a handy garderobe, or a chamberpot, or a privy in which to take care of her business.  
  
Embarrassed by the necessity that had forced her to it, the look of shock and dismay on the bandit lord's face was nonetheless one to savour as seeming gallons of hot, pungent liquid spurted forth, soaking his hand, his waist, and Lina herself, as well as the cot she was sprawled upon. Gross didn't begin to describe the experience, but a distant, ribald corner of her mind shrieked in gleeful laughter. Damn, that felt good!  
  
But she had scant seconds, in reality, to savour 'that warm, fresh feeling' before she had to deal with the consequences.  
  
"You little *bitch*!" exclaimed the outlaw, recovering from his frozen state of shock to viciously backhand her sending a smear or her own blood and urine like a bizarre impressionistic painting on her pale cheek.  
  
The tears of reaction that stung Lina's eyes, however, were mitigated by a sense of satisfaction at even this small victory. She smiled innocently. "What? I thought you *liked* body fluids - I was just trying to help."  
  
Wrong answer.  
  
His hand a blur, the brigand struck her again, and again, and again, until finally she just lay there limply, black spots dancing before her eyes and a throbbing in her jaw, realizing that any more smartass comments would probably not be in her best interests right now.   
  
When his rage had been slaked from the beating, he tied her feet again, and wadded up a strip of stained cloth from her pants, stuffing it into her mouth. "I ought to kill you for that," he hissed, punching her low in the belly with a particular sadism that nearly sent her careening full tilt into the same realm of unconsciousness where she had lately left Gourry. "I may yet." Throwing the cloth flap back, he left the tent.  
  
Gourry. She tried to summon up his face into her mind, but his innocent blue-flame gaze seemed to mock her. He seemed so far away...   
  
So very far away...  
  
/Can't... throw up.../  
  
Weakly Lina rolled off the wet cot and onto the groundsheet of the tent, drawing her knees up protectively against her chest. The coldness of the ground beneath was a trade-off only marginally better than marinating in the scent of her own piss, which she was doing anyway, since he hadn't bothered to clean her. The cool ground did feel good on her right eye, which was already beginning to swell shut from his punishment of her defiance. She stared at the tent flap for a long time, her good eye open and staring, injuries stinging from the tears running down her cheeks. Their flow was impossible to check, though, unlike some, the sorceress who had been the Bandit Killer did not give in and encourage their passage in any way.  
  
She just let them be. 


	9. What Goes Around

Author's Note:  
Yes, that last part did get a little graphic, but you were properly warned, and this is an R-rated story. I am sorry for frightening sensitive people, but unfortunately this is the way the story is telling itself to me.  
  
As for the fate of Lina and Gourry - well, if you look at the title, it does not bode well... but I also believe in a happy ending, I just like to make my characters work for it. :)  
____________________  
  
  
  
The strong odour of charred flesh filled his nose, thick, choking smoke making him gag, stinging his eyes which watered profusely when they snapped open, taking in the clearing in front of him, lit dimly by their campfire, which was nearly out. The remains of their meal, the source of the smoke and stench, was reduced to charcoal.  
  
Gourry shot to a sitting position, then toppled over, losing his balance as he found himself tied. His head pounded, and throbbed still more as the memories came back.  
  
"LINA!" he shouted, the sound of her name tearing through his heart.  
  
But it was too late. She was gone. He had failed.  
  
Again.  
  
No! It couldn't be. It couldn't... not now, not when they had been... when they had been... So happy.  
  
He strained at his bonds and found them still tight - frantically he looked around for a way to free himself. His sword! They had left his sword, how odd - in fact little of their camp seemed to have been disturbed at all... they had taken nothing of their belongings, only what was most precious to him.  
  
Edging over to his sheathed sword, he worked it slowly from the scabbard, and slid his bindings along the cutting edge, nicking his arm in his haste. What did one more cut matter anyway, when he could feel the stickiness of dried blood on his neck and the slashes in his palms burned deep.  
  
He cut the bonds on his feet as well, and then waited impatiently for the circulation to come back. There was a bit of water in the kettle and he used it to wash the deep cuts in his palms, slowly working his gauntlets off to prevent the leather from adhering any more to the wounds.   
  
He looked around for something to bind them, and his gaze fell upon a spot of deeper darkness. Lina's cloak, he realized, abandoned on the ground, its red shoulder jewels gleaming dully in the dim firelight. It seemed unbelievable to him to see it, lying there, and to know its owner was not nearby.  
  
Lina... /I'm going to find you, Lina, don't worry, just hang in there./  
  
He found a few extra rags in Lina's pack, the ones she had cut from his pants. It still mystified him, why she might have wanted them. Maybe for bandages? It seemed the most logical solution, and they certainly worked for it, he thought, tying a strip of well-worn cloth over the palms of each of his hands. There. He picked up his sword and tested his grip, which seemed sturdy. He didn't want the wounds opening to bleed again and make the weapon slip at a crucial moment.  
  
He stuffed his belongings into his pack, and added Lina's cloak to her belongings, cinching the knot. Whatever else they had would just have to stay here, including most of the supplies they'd gotten from Sandra. Things could be replaced, Lina could not, and he needed to travel light.  
  
Dousing the fire, and taking only a small torch for himself, he set off into the night.  
  
The trail was relatively easy to follow - with such a large group as had ambushed them, it usually was. He wasn't the best tracker, by any means, but he'd learned to read the animal signs from his father and had picked up enough of their habits that he could hunt small game - following the careless trail of a noisy bunch of brigands was no challenge, even for him.  
  
Still, it did kind of bother him that the trail was this obvious. Were they trying to lure him as well? Or maybe there were so many of them they just didn't care.  
  
  
  
Lina lay in the tent, wet and shivering, cold enough now that she felt at least partial regret for the soaking she had given her would be rapist and herself. She could not remember ever smelling this bad in her entire life - not even after days on the road. Usually by that point every one *else* was so ripe they pretty much became immune, that, and the fact that their adventures were capricious enough that they usually ended up falling into water along the way if they did not have time to bathe formally.  
  
Right now, though, there was really no polite way to put it: she stank.  
  
As if on cue, her reverie was interrupted by the tent flap opening again, and a group of bandits entered, carrying what looked like a small wooden washtub.  
  
They left and returned moments later, dumping bucket after bucket of steaming water into it, until the tub was partially filled.  
  
Finally another thief came to her, and Lina flushed as she recognized the young one she had bled on before. She got a very good view of his boots before she forced herself up onto her knees to get a better look at him. She tried to speak, forgetting she was gagged. She choked.  
  
Her momentary benefactor tugged off her gag, and regarded her. "Do you have something to say to me?"  
  
Lina swallowed and stoked her inner reserves again. "Have you come to finish what you're leader couldn't? Do you want to rape me too?"  
  
"Not particularly," the young brigand told her, matter-of-factly, loosening the bonds at her feet and then her hands. Calmly he tugged off her boots. "Good leather - these will come in handy."  
  
"They're mine!" Lina snapped.  
  
"They *were* yours," the boy corrected, in a voice without inflection as he started at the hem of her pants and carefully began to split them up the seams. "Now they belong to the group." He used the knife to cut away the remainder of her tunic and her undergarments, oddly polite in the way he averted his gaze from her body. "Just like right now you belong to Tanaka - later, when he is finished you will be ours. I don't particularly want you, but women are not easy to find - I may get a turn near the end. We'll see how clean you are by then, I like my women clean."  
  
"Clean, huh?" Lina asked, "like you might like a pair of clean socks, or some clean underwear? Well, I've got something to tell you, I'm not a thing, I'm a *person*, do you hear me?" Her whisper was low and fierce as she leaned forward, regardless of her nakedness, to stare into his small dark eyes. "A *person* that you are talking about doing all these awful things to."  
  
"Bad things happen to people sometimes," the young outlaw told her, in what should have been a cold statement. Only it was not, it was... resigned, even... sad.  
  
"Is that all you have to say?" Lina asked in disbelief.  
  
Giving her an insolent look, the young man flicked the auburn thatch of her pubic hair with one grubby finger - his finger nail was a half-moon of black dirt. "Nice, I didn't think it would match."  
  
"Stop it!" Lina growled. Somehow the familiarity was even worse coming from this, this... skinny kid - why, she could probably have beaten him up even without her magic... if she had only been untied.  
  
"Stop it," the boy mocked, flicking her again, his voice animated with blind malice.  
  
And Lina couldn't help it anymore and sacrificed her preciously accumulated saliva to her temper, spitting as hard as she could straight into the young thief's grinning face.  
  
Without missing a beat, he responded in kind, only he had the advantage - not having been gagged for the past who knew how long. Spittle exploded like a fireball, drenching her face in contempt. "Go wash yourself," the boy told her. "There, in the tub. I've loosened your bonds enough that you should be able to do it." Getting to his feet, the youth turned to leave the tent.  
  
"I'll come back for you," Lina vowed in a voice of loathing, feeling the wetness running down her face.   
  
"And kills us all, I suppose," the bandit turned around, stalking quietly towards her, and squatted down again. "That's what they call you, Lina Inverse, the Bandit Killer, the Enemy of All Who Live. You killed my whole family, you know." The admission was so conversational Lina didn't absorb the meaning at first. "You're looking at the last of the Dragon Fangs. Name's Kenji - not that it's really important. I'm pretty low in the pecking order here, but I thought you might want to know my name before you killed me. No, don't say anything, I know your lines already 'Bandits are bad people, so they're fair game' or something, right? Well, you're right."  
  
Lina stared blankly at him.  
  
"Yes, you heard me right." Slanted dark eyes solemnly met hers. "Do you think we go into this career expecting that we're going to live to a ripe old age? Well we don't. What we're doing is wrong, and it is the law's job to punish us. They strung up my great-grandfather in Atlas City," the young brigand told her, with a note of pride in his voice, "and my uncle lost a hand. They would have been better off killing him - what they did was as good as killing him, only not so humane. We do what we have to do, and we pay for it when the time comes. That's the law's job, to extract the price - not yours. You're not in it to protect people or to keep order, you're in it for the same reason we are..."  
  
"You've got some nerve," Lina told him, barely able to keep from shouting, "lecturing me, when *I'm* the one who's sitting here, naked in this tent waiting to be *raped* by your leader."  
  
"Ah," the boy laughed, "so now you don't like it, hmm? When the shoe's on the other foot and you're the one getting had? Well, I know all about you, Lina Inverse, it's not just bandits you kill - you lose control of your magic sometimes, or maybe you just don't care, but you've sent a lot of innocent people to their deaths along with the bandits and dragons and spookums and whatever else you sorcery types go after... But I'm the 'bad guy' here. Do you know how many people I've killed in my life?"  
  
"How many?" Lina asked, unable to help herself.  
  
"Four - and they were all going to kill me, so it was kill or be killed. It was a fair fight. I did what I had to do. But right now, even right now when I'm looking into your pinched little face, that face that I've seen in my dreams for three long years and hated with every fibre of my soul... Even now I'm not seeing your face, I'm seeing theirs. They were not good men, but they're going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Do you even know how many people you killed in your lifetime Lina Inverse, did you even see their faces when you wiped them out with your cursed magic? Do you even know who they were, who they might have been if you'd just *let them have a chance*? No, you don't. And you never will. But you got away with it - you got away with murder, because you are the most powerful sorceress alive. That's the only thing that's kept you from dancing at the end of a rope like my great grandfather. But you don't have your powers now, do you... because sooner or later, even sorceresses can be brought low. So you can come back and kill me whenever you like, Lina Inverse, because I've already seen all I ever wanted to in this miserable life you made for me."  
  
"We make our own lives," Lina asserted. "Our own destinies."  
  
"Do we?" sneered Kenji the bandit, "so is this the destiny you willingly made for yourself?" He looked into her eyes as she said nothing. "Well who made it then, if you didn't want it? Maybe it was the same person who made mine. Do you know what happens when a boy in my business loses his clan? Well let me tell you... he seeks the most powerful one he can find and begs for its protection, offering them his strength, his skills and his life in exchange for their shelter. I was lucky to find this one - I didn't have much to offer. I'm not all that strong, and back when I was thirteen I was even weaker, and I had no special skills. I was lucky that Tanaka took me in - and only made me warm *his* bed until he got tired of me. Oh, don't be jealous, you'll get to experience it yourself pretty soon. Now wash."  
  
Lina stared at him in horror, and did a mental calculation - why Kenji couldn't be much older than she was, and was quite probably less and he... and they... Could they really do those things to boys too? But that shouldn't matter, should it he was a bandit and... his clan was going to rape her. He wasn't helping her - why should she care about what had happened to him? It didn't exactly teach him about compassion or anything. She forced herself to shrug. "Why should I?"  
  
"I've had just about enough of you!" Heaving Lina into his arms, the junior outlaw carried her over to the little tub and dropped her in the hot water.  
  
Lina screamed at the shock of heat on her cold skin, but gradually realized that she wasn't really burning, though the water was about as hot as she could stand. She glared up at the boy. "Hey, you could have burned me!"  
  
"That's not the worst that could happen to you," the youth told her unsympathetically, "if Tanaka doesn't find you as he wishes when he comes back in again. "You should feel privileged, he's gone to bathe for you."  
  
"Hah!" Lina scoffed, "that's only because *someone* didn't let me go to the bathroom before throwing me in here."  
  
"I wouldn't try any more tricks like that, if I were you - you're lucky you escaped with so little the first time. It's proof of how much he wants you - I don't exactly understand why, but there you go... Come on, now, I told you to wash. Fine... I'll do it for you." There was a crudely formed lump of homemade soap next to the tub, and the boy cut a sliver off with his knife, wetting it and running it over Lina's skin.   
  
She didn't fight him but she didn't cooperate in any way, letting her mind recede to a safe place inside of her. Despite his words of before, the young bandit took a surprising impersonal care as he washed her in places she preferred not to think about.   
  
Afterwards he wrapped her in a musty smelling blanket as he stripped the cot. When he had finished with this duty he turned towards her again. "I would warn you about pulling a stunt like this again, but I don't think it would do too much good, would it?"  
  
Lina frowned, the conflicting messages she was receiving from the teenager sending her already confused thoughts reeling. "What do you want? You keep telling me these things, and acting all mean, and then you give me advice? I don't understand you," she rubbed her swollen eye with one bound hand, wincing. "I don't understand any of this."  
  
"Maybe I just want it to be over," Kenji told her, "maybe that's all anyone ever wants. I will tell you this much - if you want to fight, if you want to bring more misery on yourself for your pride, go ahead and do what you want, the question of dying is not about 'if' but 'when'. The only control you will get is the same chance that any of us have - to find a way to affect the 'how'."  
  
"I won't believe that," Lina lifted her chin stubbornly. "Gourry is going to come for me. He can face all of you with a single sword and take you down."  
  
"Your mercenary? We might have let him live before, because it was you we wanted, but if he tries to interfere, he'll die too."  
  
Lina didn't like the sound of 'too'. "You mean you already know I'm going to die?"  
  
"Didn't I just say that?" the boy muttered irritably, "let me make it clearer - your days are numbered. In the single digits. Say your prayers, if you can pray to anyone at all without choking on the hypocrisy."  
  
"I make my own destiny!" Lina snapped, unable to stop herself from shivering.  
  
"You just keep telling yourself that," Kenji snickered bitterly, the soft, rough laughter seeming to linger in the tent long after he had gone.  
  
Again she was left to stew, shivering, naked and vulnerable in the blanket, although her bonds were not quite so tight, allowing her limbs to have normal circulation. Gourry... Gourry... Gourry... she didn't realize it at first, but she was mouthing his name over and over like a litany, like a prayer, like a chaos word to summon the last magic she possessed to her name. Once she had resented his determination to be her protector, but now, in this moment of absolute darkness, she needed him.  
  
/I don't care when he comes, I don't even care if it's... after, I'll deal, I swear by Shabranigdo and all the Lords of Hell I will.../ The thought finished itself in the dim unacknowledged recesses of her mind, /...somehow. Just... please, someone... just let me see him again.../ 


	10. Dawn Before Darkness

Author's Notes:  
  
1) Yes, the intent of this story was, among other things, to show some of the potential fallout for Lina's destructive behaviour. Lina is still my favourite character too, but yes, I wanted to see some payback, or some reaction to what she has done. Now I know this is not necessarily part of the genre, nor does it necessarily fit in with the Slayers universe, but that's what fan fiction is for, to explore new possibilities for our characters.  
  
Some people don't like the direction I've been taking, and I've even gotten a few polite e-mails instructing me not to make the story any darker, or do anything else to Lina but that I should try to go back towards canon because such darkness is not part of the Slayers Universe. And to you I say 'see above' and also 'Why?'. There are plenty of writers out there who do stick to canon already, so I'm sure you will have no trouble finding something more to your taste. This is a *fan fiction*, written for fun and not for profit. I'm enjoying the creative process, playing 'what if Lina didn't win all the time', and if other people are enjoying the reading of it, that is a side benefit.   
Which is not to say I'm not extremely appreciative of the reviews I've been getting - it really helps me to know that people are bothering to read it. :)   
  
Next question...  
  
2) Yes, other characters *will* eventually be showing up, but don't expect them for a while yet. Also, don't expect them to do what you think they will do. ;)  
  
3) Don't try to second-guess the title - it makes me think naughty-author-thoughts. ;)  
  
4) Who's gonna save Lina? Despite all that's happened I think in the end she's going to save herself. :  
  
_________________________________  
  
  
Gourry, meanwhile had caught a glimpse of a fire in the distance ahead of him, and had slowed his progress to a near crawl. It was a small camp, compared to some which he and Lina had raided together, but this time there was no chance of all out fireballed assault, courtesy of Lina. This time it was up to him, and her life depended on it.  
  
It was surprisingly easy for him to lure the sentries away, and yes, he killed them, a quick sword thrust ending their lives.  
  
In a flash of wit it occurred to him that he would get further with a disguise and so he quickly doffed his own clothes and pulled on the rough garb of the bandits, which was fortunately loose-fitting since he towered over them by more than a head. He used the clothing from the second to form a makeshift turban to hide his hair. From what he had seen of his enemies, they had all been dark-haired, and he didn't want to risk discovery.  
  
He drew closer to the camp, watching it from the bushes. There was not too much activity, certainly no one suspected anything - someone stirred the contents of a pot over the fire and the rich aroma of stew reminded him distantly of their ruined evening meal... but that was not important...  
  
There! Sharp eyes caught a glimpse of a young man leaving a tent across from the main fire, a bundle of rags held gingerly in his hands. Rose pink and yellow... unusual for a bandit, but very familiar for a certain sorceress. Lina was in that tent!  
  
He broke cover, impulse and protectiveness surging to the forefront of his brain in place of good sense. He was halfway across the camp, beside the fire, when a plump, heavyset bandit interrupted him.   
  
"You there, where have you been?"  
  
"Uh, me?" Gourry began to sweat. Okay, this was really stupid. "Umm, I was... picking up some loot I hid from before." He held up his and Lina's backpacks, praying the fellow bought such a lame excuse.  
  
"Fine then," the other agreed. "Just be sure to bring it straight to Tanaka's tent," he indicated the tent from which the youth had emerged, "wouldn't want him to think you were holding out on him."  
  
"Uh, sure," Gourry agreed, staring at the fire as he was suddenly struck with inspiration. He only prayed Lina would forgive him for it as he pulled her cloak carefully from her bag and then surreptitiously tossed it onto the fire beneath the simmering stewpot before hurrying away. If her exploding shoulderguards had shocked Martina, who knew what they would do for a bandit camp.  
  
He entered the tent, searching for enemies, but found none, only a blanket wrapped redhead who looked a little worse for wear.  
  
"Lina!" he exclaimed, for a moment forgetting to whisper.  
  
"Gourry," she looked up rapidly, and a smile illuminated her battered features. "If you aren't just a dream, get me the hell out of here."   
  
"Anytime," a sword stroke slit her bonds and then he looked around. "Where are your clothes?"  
  
"Don't ask," Lina told him with a twist of her lips. "I will take these though." He saw her stone grey boots beside the door for just a moment before she hurriedly pulled them on. "Now where did he put my talismans...?" He saw her open a small box that lay atop a camp chest. "There you are - "  
  
Just then a loud explosion rocked the camp, and the sound of rending metal and a piercing scream tore through the air, followed by frantic shouts of 'Fire!' 'Fire!'  
  
"Geez!" Lina shuddered, "What was that? Gah, nevermind, let's just get out of here."  
  
Not exactly eager to wait around either, Gourry split the fabric at the back of the tent and the two of them took off into the night.  
  
It soon became apparent to him that Lina was not running at full capacity, so without asking he hoisted her into his arms and continued to run.  
  
She didn't complain, merely sighed. "What was that noise back there anyway?"  
  
"My distraction... unfortunately it was also your cloak."  
  
"My cloak???" Lina echoed dangerously.  
  
"Yup, I had to throw it into the fire."  
  
To his surprise, Lina just sighed. "You thought of a distraction all on your own. My genius must be rubbing off on you."  
  
They kept going until nearly dawn, when his legs would no longer carry him, yet still he forced himself on, adrenalated purpose feeding him. There were people after her, she was in danger. As the sun rose he was able to see the marks of bruises and injuries on her blanketed body. The shadowed bluish blackness of one eye - someone had hit her! The very thought made him physically ill with rage.  
  
Finally when exhaustion would let them go no further, they made camp beside the same stream which had flowed, seeming to follow them through the forest. Gourry collapsed, eyelids feeling leaden, muscles aching, while to his surprise Lina became more alert instead of succumbing to fatigue.   
  
"I need a bath," she told him, rummaging through her bag. "Right now." Seeming satisfied that she found everything she needed within, she started towards the stream.  
  
It took a few minutes for his sleep deprived brain to formulate the words he needed to communicate. "I'm coming with you."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I'm coming with you," he told her quietly, "when is this going to sink in that you are in danger, here?"  
  
To his surprise, she gave his arm a weary pat. "Okay, come with me, but don't look. You watch my back and I'll watch my front."  
  
The stream was even icier than Lina remembered, and she washed quickly at the water's edge, rubbing herself down with soap until she resembled nothing so much as a cloud of fluffy lather. It might have been comical to look at, but Lina didn't feel funny at all. She felt... dirty, all over. She rinsed herself in the water and found herself lathering again, and again, repeating her ablutions until her skin itched from even the mild soap Sandra had made.   
  
Itch, itch... she forced herself to put down the narrow sliver of soap that remained and waded further into the water. Oh, it was like ice. She sat down, feeling the smooth stones settle beneath her slight weight, feeling the rushing of the water quickly dwindling to a dim sensation as the piercing cold dulled her senses.  
  
She placed her hands flat on the streambed and eased her legs out from beneath her so she was lying on her stomach, then dropped her face beneath the surface, staying there, supported by her arms, hearing the watery silence rushing all around her. Her hair wavered around her face like crimson seaweed, spreading out like a fan. Quiet, still and cold. Nothing could touch her here. She felt nothing. She was nothing. Nothing.  
  
Suddenly her world shattered as she was heaved bodily from her watery refuge, past the surface into the air, which was impossibly hot, steaming and balmy, sweltering around her deeply cooled body.  
  
"Gourry!" She swatted weakly at the big man who had come to her rescue. "You're being silly! I'm fine!"  
  
"Enough swimming," the blonde swordsman told her with a clenched jaw, setting her down on the old blanket, "put on some clothes, and then you are going to sleep for me until I say you can wake up." He turned his back on her again as she dressed slowly, forcing numb fingers to respond to her will. She had another pair of undergarments, and a spare tunic and pants, which she put on, struggling with the closures, and donning her talismans and belt haphazardly, more for the security of wearing them than for any real fashion.  
  
"I'm dressed," she called wearily at last.  
  
"Come on," Gourry held his hand out to her and after a moment she took it, the slight squeeze of his fingers barely tangible, yet so gentle it brought tears to her eyes. "I'll start a fire and you can have some more tea."  
  
She nodded gratefully.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Neither am I."   
  
When the fire was going and the kettle was set to boil, Gourry retreated off to the side just a little and Lina hazarded a glance his way... and found herself blushing again, her face flaming at the picture suddenly painted, seared, onto the canvas of her mind. Gourry was changing from his disguise back into his own clothes - of course that would make sense, why would he want to stay in someone else's dirty old clothes? So changing was the only option, but... damn it, why did he have to look so... so... naked and forbidden while doing it? In reality she didn't have time to see much, a few lines and muscular plains, outlined by distant firelight - the fact that he was indeed all muscle under there, just as the times she'd touched him would indicate.  
  
Gourry was *beautiful*, beautiful in a way that made her breath catch and her heart race... only now, a sickness also arose inside her. All those feelings she experienced once, looking at him, touching him, kissing him that last time, now they seemed tainted by her experiences. Oh gods, why, why now, when she had been so ready to trust him?  
  
Lina spooned Sandra's herbs into her cup - grateful at least that she had that much left. The perfume that Gourry had so enjoyed had not been among the survivors of their ill-fated expedition - granted, it had been sacrificed to a worthy cause, there was no way Gourry could have rescued her while loaded down with as much stuff as they had carried away from Sandra's apothecary shop. It seemed so inane, but she deeply regretted its loss, even more than the potential revenues from the supplies Sandra had given them. That perfume... she could probably find more of a similar formula, but still there was a knot in her heart that seemed utterly foolish in light of what she had just been through.  
  
What she had just been through. It seemed like a dream almost, except that unlike a dream she could not dismiss it so easily. Perhaps that was why she found herself lamenting a lost bottle of perfume rather than facing the greater issue of the loss of her innocence.  
  
As she sipped her tea, she felt strong arms come around her, realized instantly they were Gourry's and yet... fought them, tried to get him to let go. So he did. And immediately she pulled them back, knowing that she wanted them as they were, needed them; despite the revulsion that rose up inside her there was comfort there, too. Gourry would not do that to her, he would not violate her trust. He was her protector, and if she didn't trust him now, what was the point of the years they had spent travelling together?  
  
"Don't let go," Lina whispered her demand, rightness and wrongness, strength and weakness at war in her tiny frame, "don't let me go, I don't want to leave you, but I will if you give me the chance. Not because I want to, but because I have to, I have to *do something* even though... even though there is nothing I can really do. I don't want to leave you," she repeated, as much for her benefit as for Gourry's own, "so hold me, keep me... where I want to stay."  
  
  
  
Gourry listened to Lina's words, fraught with confusion. In his heart was the same - ever since he had seen her, naked and bruised, in nothing but a dirty blanket his mind had played over and over again the stories he had heard. You couldn't travel as a mercenary without hearing things, without finding out hard truths about the lives people led when they sold their swords to the highest bidder. Truths that turned the stomachs of men like him.  
  
He had never worked for the kind of men who permitted such abuse - but he had worked with some who had, they spoke in hushed tones he had tried not to hear of how they relished the additional 'payoffs' which came from unscrupulous employers.  
  
Had that happened to Lina? He felt deathly ill at the very thought... she was so strong, that sort of thing wasn't supposed to happen to her. She was Lina, she could blow up the world if she wanted - she nearly had a few times at that. You didn't do that sort of thing to Lina Inverse and live. That sort of thing didn't happen to someone like her.   
  
But maybe it had...  
  
"...Lina?" He finally forced himself to say her name, to ask, dreading the answer. "Did they...?"  
  
"No..."   
  
Her answer was too immediate for a lie, he was sure of that, but then why did her voice tremble?  
  
He saw Lina's head drop as she continued, saw her small hands twisting this way and that. "I mean... they didn't, I'm still... they didn't... you know... they only touched me a little, that shouldn't matter... should it?"  
  
Gourry stared into the fire he had made, stared and saw shapes, saw its colour reflected in the brightness of Lina's hair, slowly drying into its usual untamed furious waves. They had touched her, touched her in ways he would never have dared, most likely in the same ways he desperately wanted to, if she would only look at him with those brilliant scarlet eyes and tell him that he could. But they were not like him, they were not people who cared for her, who wanted to protect her, they had not waited hoping - longing - for invitation or permission... and now, here Lina was, asking *him* in a voice clogged with tears if it was really important since the violation had not been 'technical'. Of course it mattered, when she shook with fear, when she begged him to hold her, longing for comfort though she could hardly bear his touch - it mattered very much!  
  
"Of course it matters!" He found himself saying it aloud, much more violently than he had intended. She trembled anew as he raised his voice. "They did something you didn't want - no one could help feeling all the things you must be feeling right now. So yes, in that way it does matter to me, but more than anything it matters to me that you're alive..." he whispered, pressing his lips against her wet hair. "That's all that's really important to me. The rest... well, I know you, you're strong enough - you're stronger than me... I know that you can find a way through this. And you don't have to do it alone, either. I'm here for you, Lina. I always will be..."  
  
He felt her nod, but she made no other reply, and after long moments he felt her shudder once in his arms, slipping into an uneasy sleep. And he held her, staring a frozen blue stare into the dark. No one was going to come near her again.  
  
No one. 


	11. Red Flower, Reprise

Author's notes:  
  
*WARNING!*  
This part definitely qualifies for extreme adult situations, though not sex, but the topic of menstruation, as well as gynaecological difficulties are encountered rather intimately, so this is only for people who are mature enough to handle it.  
  
For those of you who are looking for more fun adult situations - there will eventually be sex in this fic, but just not in this chapter. Hang in there! n.n  
  
As always, don't own 'em, not making money, write more hentai doujinshi, someone, dammit! ^_-  
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Somewhere during the morning, when the notion of sleep was no longer teasing at him, but had become a blatant threat, Gourry vaguely had a sense of Lina easing herself from his arms and pushing him down, tugging one of their packs under his head for a pillow.   
  
He was too tired to protest, and she seemed to sense that, giving him an enigmatic smile. "Go to sleep, jellyfish," Lina whispered, "it's my turn to keep you safe."   
  
His vision went from her profile, crystal pale in the early light, to her small hands, flipping her dagger restlessly, over and over as it rested in her lap. Strange really for her to be interested in the weapon now - Lina hadn't carried her sword in a long time, even though she was quite good with it, preferring to focus on her sorcery exclusively.  
  
He thought about how he had found her earlier, in the water, all but a dead man's float, her hair spread out around her, its strands staining the water blood-red in the weak light. Despite the fact that his heart had leapt into his throat he knew almost as soon as he started after her that Lina was not trying to die. She was a good swimmer, and could hold her breath for a long time, using it to her advantage, usually to scare the daylights out of him, not to mention give him a good dunking, whenever they swam together.  
  
Still, the sight of her there in the water, in the cold, cold water... she'd been almost blue when he'd pulled her out, another thing which was rather strange: usually she warmed cold water like that with a fireball, Lina liked her creature comforts alright. But the stream *had* been running fast. He supposed the current would simply have carried the heat away.  
  
She saw him looking her way and reached out, touching his forehead, murmuring something under her breath. It must have been a sleep spell, for that was his last thought before his eyes closed and his exhaustion finally overcame him.  
  
  
  
  
Gourry walked, eyes down, as though nothing existed for him but the ground beneath his feet. No, not ground, he realized, wooden planking, rough-hewn, his boots made a scuffing sound over the timbers as he walked, one foot in front of the other. Step. Wait. Step.  
  
He was back here again, this place again...  
  
He advanced further, seeing Lina's boots again, feet slightly turned outwards as if she was dozing on her back. Another step provided a glimpse of her rose-pink leggings as they gently hugged her shapely calves. Another, and her little, pointed knees came into view. She was so cute!   
  
This was Lina, it was just Lina... So why did he feel this fear inside him, stealing his breath, making his heart race, dampening his palms in cool, itchy sweat?  
  
  
  
He woke up much more quietly than before, merely shuddered himself awake, mouth dry, chest tight, to the sounds of rustling parchment. His hands were clenched into tight fists, making his palms ache where he had cut them on the bandit's sword yesterday - such an eternity ago. The blaze of sunlight was burning behind his eyes. When he opened them, and his vision cleared of sleep's fog, it was to see Lina, examining a map. "The next town his two days away..." she whispered to herself, a slight frown creasing her ivory brow before she shook her head. "No, we can make it."  
  
He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep again as his thoughts whirled. Lina was the planner, the strategist, not him - he was just the soldier, following his banner, following the one he had sworn himself to forever. With a mind like his he definitely wasn't supposed to be a seer either, yet this was the second time he'd had this strange dream. Not that it did much good. Lina was in danger - he *knew* that. What he needed to know was who was behind this, and how to stop them.  
  
"Good, you're awake," Lina said, catching him with his eyes open again. She smiled at him wearily, then a little more brightly as he pulled himself to a sitting position. "We have a town two days away." The sorceress gave a long stretch, reaching towards the sky - he could hear her small bones snap themselves into a more comfortable position, or at least that's what he hoped. He could also see the way her newly developed breasts moved against the fabric of her shirt - he'd hoped distantly when she'd lost her clothing that he'd seen the last of that annoying yellow band, but it looked like she had a spare. Dammit!  
  
He forced his eyes upwards again, just in time to see a slight, almost thoughtful wince crossing her face. Her poor face... He knew she would heal, but oh, her black eye was a real shiner now. It occurred to him that it would probably look bad for them to be travelling together with her looking like that. But he knew he hadn't done it, and she knew he hadn't done it... so he supposed that was all that really mattered.  
  
"So how about some breakfast?" Lina asked through a yawn and Gourry found himself following suit. She patted her stomach thoughtfully, and he smiled to himself as he realized she was asking the organ itself, rather than him. "Yeah, I think I just want some trail bars too... poor Gourry really put himself out to rescue us, we shouldn't be mean and make him cook breakfast on top of everything else."  
  
He stretched himself, and got to his feet. "It's no trouble, Lina, if that's what you want?" This uncharacteristic behaviour was turning his world upside down. Normally Lina *always* wanted him to cook, or impatiently demanded he catch some animals or fish or *something* to feed her huge appetite. And normally he refused - well, not completely - just long enough to make her wheedle a little before giving in - even knowing that his own stomach was demanding similar tribute. But now that she wasn't doing that, it only reminded him of how things had changed, and he very much wanted to do something to bring things back.  
  
"No, it's okay," Lina waved her hand dismissively, "I'll just go wash up and then we can head out. I'd rather eat as we walk." She took a long swallow from the mug she had been holding, finishing off the dregs. He smelled that herbal aroma again - she was still drinking that brew she had gotten from the apothecary shop. He couldn't believe she trusted in the stuff after the last potion she'd gotten had made her so sick, but this one didn't seem to be having any bad results like before.  
  
Lina winced again, stood up too, rubbing her lower back reflexively. Gourry had to admit he felt a little stiff himself after his long stay on the ground, but it had done him some good. He felt clear-headed again, even if the nightmare did steal a little of his calm.  
  
A short time later they began their journey again.  
  
  
  
It was the afternoon of the second day, and Lina had stopped behind the bushes again for what seemed the eightieth time that day. Her already meagre supply of rags was dwindling as she removed another used one and replaced it with a clean cloth, wrapping the rest in another piece of old cloth to be washed later when they made camp, or - as she so fervently hoped, reached that town.   
  
She readjusted her clothing and stopped for a moment to catch her breath as her body clenched tighter, if such a thing were possible. It already felt as if there was a knot inside her, one that would never come undone. Her back ached and the pain of it raced down her legs. This was not normal. She did a mental calculation. No, this was definitely not normal. Her period was usually dwindling by this point, but instead it had gotten *heavier*.  
  
Only Sandra's tea made it possible for her to continue onwards. It soothed her a little when they stopped to rest, and it let her get a little sleep. But still... what was *wrong* with her? Even Gourry had begun to notice she was turning a little grey, though she'd so far been successful at evading his questions. She hated lying to him, but it was for just a little longer. Then everything would be alright again.  
  
Gods, she hated this, she felt weak and she *hurt* - not to mention the fact that couldn't cast a spell to save her life, a fact which had been more than adequately proven thank-you-very-much-to-whoever-thought-this-up. She raised her eyes skyward in irritation. Luna had always cautioned her against blasphemy - but that was easy for her to say, with the ear of Ceiphied permanently bent towards her, His Earthly Representative. Sure, Ceiphied was great, woohoo, yay and stuff... Yeah, and He didn't seem to give a festering pustule on a rat's mangy ass that the sister of His Knight had nearly gotten... nearly gotten...  
  
/Raped, admit it. You nearly got raped./ Lina shuddered as the thoughts she had been trying to suppress coursed through her. She had been totally helpless - she was *still* totally helpless, dammit! - if it hadn't been for Gourry, if it hadn't been for him she would probably be dead right now.  
  
Another wave of dizziness passed over her and Lina couldn't be sure whether her physical or mental strain was worse. /This is not me,/ she thought, balling her hands into fists on her knees as she struggled to martial her will, when all she wanted to do was beg Gourry to set up camp right here. But it wasn't *safe* that was why they had to continue on, find a town. Then maybe she would rest for a while, at least until this thing blew over and her powers had a chance to build up again. She forced herself to cling to that distant hope of respite, then submerged in a wave of loathing, clenching her fists tighter.  
  
This was *not* her, this was not Lina Inverse, Lina Inverse didn't weakly expire at the first sign of difficulty - not even the bandits, not even after what they had tried to do. No, Lina Inverse would go back and give them all what they deserved, fry them all to a crisp - even the little what's-his-name, Kenji, spouting all that crap at her. Like she'd gone in there *trying* to kill everyone... she hadn't! Death... happened sometimes. Especially when you lived like they did, on the other side of the law - the little bastard had even admitted it himself! Geez, she had just wanted the treasure, you know, rob from the rich, give to herself, and a little to Gourry too. The big guy sure could eat! But... Kenji... it wasn't her fault that stuff had happened to him, even things like that. Life was about how you handled the curves it threw you. The justification was hollow in her mind, but she clung to it desperately. What happened wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault he couldn't handle it...  
  
Like she could?  
  
Yeah, she could handle it. She *would* handle it. She would give them all exactly what they deserved, go back to their camp and blow it to smithereens, and use whatever treasure she found to buy herself some new clothes to replace what they'd ripped off her. She had enough money to replace it now, but it was the principle. She was of merchant stock, she knew better than anyone that this world was about debts, about keeping track of who owed you, and making them pay. Well she would make them pay, she would make them all pay. With quadruple interest.  
  
Except that would require magic. And that was one thing she didn't have at the moment.  
  
Lina Inverse had magic.  
  
So who did that make her?  
  
"Lina?" Gourry called, "you're being awfully quiet in there."  
  
"I'm coming!" Lina rejoined, pulling herself to her feet stoically, seeing vague spots of blackness dancing in her periphery.  
  
She *would* do this.  
  
  
  
"Lina are you *sure* you're okay?" Gourry asked her, for what seemed like the eightieth time that day as they walked along the road. The town was somewhere far ahead - they couldn't even *see* it yet, but Lina was nearly at the end of her rope... and her rags, too.  
  
"I'm okay, Gourry," Lina told the tall swordsman, trying not to pant. In truth she was *not* okay, but there wasn't really much point telling him that, since it would only upset him. She wasn't in the mood to try explaining to him this situation - or quite ready to deal with his feelings on the matter, since they would probably include anger. She would have bitten her own tongue clean through rather than admit it, but his anger was more than justified, and if their situations were reversed she would have clobbered him for putting himself at risk when... when she would have gladly helped him and protected him any way she could.   
  
Which brought her back full circle. She could take care of herself! She didn't need mollycoddling, or patronizing, or being told what to do... But would Gourry do that? He never had before. The most he had ever asked was that she consider his feelings before she did something. His *feelings*... Her heart did a little flip-flop, thanks to certain feelings of her own. She felt slightly euphoric, remembering that he cared for her - probably now more than ever thanks to Sandra's potion. Remembering their kiss... oh that pure moment of bliss she could never have imagined sharing with him, or for that matter with anyone... The bliss, the perfection still burned in her memory, though the horror of what had come after followed swift upon it, dousing the beautiful memories with bile.  
  
Lina stumbled, hardly aware that she had connected with the ground until she felt Gourry's strong arms come around her, lifting her to her feet again.  
  
"Lina," said the swordsman in his rare, no-nonsense voice, "you're not okay. You feel cold and wet..."  
  
"I'm fine," Lina began, trying to shrug off his attentions, only to have her words belied by a shiver as her body felt the contrast of Gourry's inviting warmth.  
  
"I love you, Lina," Gourry said, between clenched teeth, "but you're a damned liar." He had taken her knapsack from her and shouldered it himself before she could form a word of protest. "and stubborn too." Lina found herself heaved into his arms, cradled in a warm embrace as the swordsman began to walk again.   
  
She still hadn't formed an argument, had barely heard the rest of his tirade, her brain still hanging on four sweet words. "I love you, Lina" - did he even know he had said it out loud? Well, what did that matter - the truest words were often spoken carelessly, in jest. She nuzzled against him, getting a nose full of armour for her trouble, and swatted the metal irritably with her fist. How dare it get in the way? They would have to do something about that, oh yes...  
  
  
  
Gourry was concerned. No, he was flat-out worried.  
  
Lina had always been a heavy sleeper, but the way she had passed out just now, as if her last reserves of strength had been concerned with the effort it took for her to place one foot in front of the other - that frightened him. Her head lolled from side to side as he walked, and sometimes her eyes would open, but they no longer really seemed to focus, although she would mutter nonsensical things now and then, or sigh, and yawn widely like a sleepy kitten - and occasionally a few half-formed spell fragments would creep out, leaving him ready to duck and cover at a moment's notice.  
  
"I'm fine," she had said. Hah, as if white as a corpse was fine.  
  
She was staring up at him again through bleary crimson eyes and he swallowed around a lump forming in his throat. "What is *wrong* with you, Lina? Do all Zephilian girls act like mules, or are you just extra special?" Her nonsensical smile told him his words were not impacting.  
  
There was a single, waving strand of scarlet hair clinging to her cheek and he longed to brush it back, but his hands were full, quite literally, with his burden of adorable convalescent sorceress. Except she wasn't a burden... she was the reason he kept going. Even now, even greyish pale, and pasty as some sort of voodoo doll, she still made his heart turn over in his chest.   
  
On he walked, anxiously looking ahead, eager, no, more accurately desperate for sight of town. When he was not watching for signs of habitation, he was looking at Lina, who seemed to have slipped into a fitful half-doze which didn't look at all healthy to him. He's seen men bleeding to death on the battlefield with better colour than she had - and they had certainly been more alert.  
  
He was hungry, but the feeling was distant, suppressed by worry. Other physical needs were not so easily suppressed, however, as he felt the complaints of a full bladder sink into his awareness, demanding attention. The last thing he wanted was to put Lina down and tend to himself, even for a moment, but there wasn't really much other choice.   
  
He wandered a little ways off the road, where his activities would be safe from observation. Not that there had been any people to speak of, but he felt sure someone would show up if he dared to do anything personal in plain sight, luck had a way of doing things like that.  
  
He lowered Lina carefully to the ground and retreated behind a tree just enough to allow him some privacy, while at the same time eliminate the need for him to have her out of his sight for even a moment. He reached for the laces of his trousers, then paused, staring down at his left arm in mute shock.   
  
Red, it was stained red, dark, sticky red... He felt his mind writhing, striving to wrap around the vision before him, draw a conclusion from the bloody evidence. Lina! It must have come from Lina. He had been carrying her - this had been where his arm was touching her, but he had just assumed it was sweat building up. It was a fairly warm day, after all, and he was perspiring just about anywhere that something touched his skin.  
  
He finished his business in a hurried daze of mute shock - he would have preferred not to, but the pressure seemed to have increased with the stress. Lina was hurt! The thought spurred him on, and eternity expired in the seconds it took for him to get back to her side.  
  
He ran his hands over her body frantically, searching for the source of the blood, grateful for the modicum of battlefield healing he had picked up during his time as a mercenary. It wasn't much, but every man learned to at least perform a sort of triage to find the most seriously injured before it was too late. By comparison to some of his experiences this was technically easy - playing 'where's the wound' on a soldier drenched in the blood of his victims was much more of a challenge, but that was without counting the fact that this was not some faceless compatriot who happened to be fighting on the same side as he was. This was Lina!  
  
Head and shoulders checked fine, including underneath. Lina stirred a little as she felt him touch her, his movements quick and rough with desperation - he heard her whimper quietly in fear, the sound making his heart skip an anguished beat. He damned the bandits to the depths of his soul... Just what *had* they done to her, anyway?  
  
Moving down her body, into dangerous territory. This was *not* how he had dreamed of touching her - that was the closest to lascivious his thoughts could stray. /C'mon Gourry,/ he steeled himself, /you gave her a bath - is this so different?/ But it was - then he had been able to avoid certain things, now, he could not afford to, when his squeamishness could mean her death.   
  
He ran his hands over her hips, pressing down just a little - Lina gasped sharply, and Gourry felt his heart contract. "No... not this," it was a prayer to an unknown god, to anyone who would listen. It was merely a possibility, but since he was not a healer, he had know way of knowing for sure. All he did know was that, men with the sorts of injuries he now suspected were as good as buried, unless you had a priest on hand with a high level healing spell.  
  
But Lina had seemed fine before. And when he had pulled her from the stream there had been no signs of injuries on her body but a few bruises. He continued his search, sliding his hands under her hips, pausing when he brushed across a soaking patch in the cloth of her pants. His reddened fingertips confirmed he had found the source.  
  
Worse and worse. His heart thudded in his chest. He had been told that sometimes people bled like this when they were hurt inside, which sometimes happened when they had been hit, or had fallen, even when there were no visible marks, or immediate signs. Swallowing, he forced himself to check more carefully. Lina's legs hung open just a little, and he saw a suspicious darkness. Oh, he did not want to touch her *there* - that was not something you did to a girl without asking her, and especially not to a girl who had *someone else* do things to her without asking. Still, if he didn't find out what was going on, how could he stop it? If it could even be stopped at all.  
  
He moved Lina's leg a little to get a closer look, and saw a larger wet patch darkening her rose coloured leggings towards the front of her body. It looked a lot bigger than what he had felt underneath. The rose colour of her leggings was a foil for the blood, it was no wonder he had missed its visual cues. The smell of blood was stronger in his nose, and yet there was a strange, different quality to it - an earthiness that he realized had been tickling his nose all day. He had assumed it to be coming from himself - he was far from vain at the best of times, and after two day's hike he would be the first one to admit he could have used a bath.  
  
He brushed his fingers lightly across the cloth and found it even wetter than before, flesh warm, thick dampness clinging - he saw that red had transferred itself onto the dried leaf-mulch beneath Lina's hips, painting faded brown in shades of scarlet brightness, gleaming slickly. Even more disturbing, the colour was expanding gradually on the parched detritus of the forest floor, right before his eyes as he watched.  
  
"No..." Even as the denial formed on Gourry's lips, certainty shocked and sickened him.  
  
Slowly, but surely, Lina was bleeding to death. 


	12. Moonlore

Author's note:  
  
Hey guys, another chapter for you. As always, thanks for all the reviews, and especially your guesses as to why certain things are happening. It certainly gives me an idea of how you're seeing the story. Needless to say I'm not going to tell you whether you are right or not, but it is quite helpful.  
  
For those who are interested in some more concrete info on the health problem Lina is encountering, this link (http://womenshealth.miningco.com/library/weekly/aa051298.htm) has some good info - needless to say anything you find on the net is not nearly as good as the advice you can get from your doctor. As LinaNverse pointed out, this is not some light, fluffy little problem but can be quite serious.  
  
I'm keeping the mature content warning for this chapter and also adding a note for more gore and violence. Don't read this if you don't think you can handle it.  
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This wasn't happening, it wasn't! At the summit of a spike of pure fear, at the pinnacle of this terrible conclusion, Gourry's brain struggled in a final rebellion before a strange calm settled over him. Panic would not help Lina at all, and so he simply did not panic, there was no other answer he could allow. It was as if all thought processes but the most critical had shut down, his face was grim and expressionless, he did not feel, and yet feeling was the very blood in his veins, driving him into a place where nothing existed but the moment. It did not matter that the moment was a nightmare from the darkest recesses of his thoughts, that was distant, irrelevant. Yesterday didn't matter, tomorrow didn't yet exist, here was the only place, Lina the only person in his world.   
  
She needed him *now*. He needed her forever. Failure could not exist between the rock that she was to him, and the hard place that the world would be without her.  
  
Simplify, simplify, on the most elemental levels his brain screamed, but he damped down the noise. Irrelevant. Simple. One thought at a time. Question: How to help a person who was bleeding? Answer: Stop the bleeding. Query: Could this kind of bleeding even be stopped? Irrelevant. It must be stopped!  
  
He grasped the waistband of her leggings and slid them down a little trying to narrow down the cause of the bleeding, to get a better idea of how to stop it. Private details were shunted aside as Gourry's mind filled with cold purpose, her body an abstract to him, an adversary in this battle for her life as surely as any enemy he had ever faced defending her. It soon became evident that Lina had been trying to achieve the same thing as he was, judging by the layers of blood-soaked cloth pressed between her legs. A few tattered remnants of blue told him that these were the same cloth strips they had made together from his old sleeping pants.  
  
"Gods, Lina," Gourry whispered, unable to help himself, "how long have you been hiding this from me?" Something familiar teased his mind from a great distance, and he vaguely probed the beginnings of a thought - was it going to help him now? No? Later then. He would think about this later.   
  
He left the cloths where they were - removing them might very well aggravate the situation - and checked Lina's bag to see if she had more. All he found was a cloth wrapping several more soaked ones. More. He needed more. His mind frantically catalogued his belongings. He didn't really need a spare shirt at the moment, did he? A few frantic seconds later had the garment torn to appropriate sizes and folded into squares which he pressed into place, pulling Lina's leggings up over them to hold the makeshift 'dressings' in place.  
  
What else did you do when someone was bleeding? Slow down the blood's flow. How? Keep the affected part high up. Just as it was harder to walk up a hill than down it, so too blood had a harder time leaving an elevated wound than a lower one. Would it work? Did it matter? No, try it anyway.  
  
Gourry searched around for something appropriate, and finally settled by mounding the leaves and fallen pine needles of the forest floor until he had a large pile, and covering the whole with a folded up blanket from his roll. He opened Lina's and laid it over the strange bed he had created, and settled her carefully onto the pile, so her hips rested atop the mounds of leaves and blanket, placing them a fair bit higher than her head. He reached inside her clothing, over the new cloths he had placed - they were already slightly damp. He had hoped if he settled her for a little while the bleeding might slow enough that he could get her to the town they were headed for - someplace where she would be in more capable hands. That didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. It looked like moving her even a little had disturbed whatever it was that was hurt inside her.  
  
Alright, moving her was not an option. Next? Keep her warm. She was already shivering in her bedroll, and so Gourry began building a fire despite the warmth of the sun shining down on them. If she was like this now, in the cold of the night it would be twice as bad. He did not stop to consider if she would even make it that long.  
  
The fire was slow going, it seemed like just as he made some progress, his heart would race, and he had to stop and check on Lina for fear she had gotten worse. By the time the fire was burning independently it was nearly dusk.  
  
Lina hadn't changed for the better, but she also hadn't gotten much worse, though she continued to shiver and mutter to herself. Gourry forced himself to consume a few trail rations, though their taste was ashen in his mouth. Lina refused to wake, and without her cooperation he couldn't do the last thing he thought would help her - get a little food into her system to build up her strength again. He'd dribbled a little water between her lips, which she'd swallowed reflexively, but there wasn't much more to be done with her still unconscious - even the little he had managed could have made her choke if he had not been so lucky.  
  
Gourry heard her draw another rough, shaking breath. She was as close to the fire as safety allowed, and yet she still shivered as if she were naked in a snowstorm. He was not looking forward to the night, which was coming on so quickly, a sky nearly as red as Lina's brilliant eyes, promising beautiful weather which did nothing to cheer him. Night would bring cover for enemies. The bandits were quite likely still in pursuit, although Gourry still clung to the vague hope that the explosion caused by Lina's cloak had forced them to regroup. Unfortunately there was no real way to know exactly how much, if any, damage it had caused, at the time he hadn't exactly been interested in staying around to watch the show.  
  
He settled down next to Lina and brushed her hair back from her face. Her skin was still cool to the touch, but her breathing didn't seem to be quite as laboured now that she'd had some time to rest in one place without being jostled. "Lina," he called her softly, "Lina, wake up."  
  
She stirred and mumbled softly, but didn't open her eyes.  
  
"Lina," he spoke a little more loudly, using his secret weapon, "dinner time."  
  
"Not hungry..." mumbled the former walking appetite, "...'m cold..." As if to verify this strange truth, a large shudder ran through her slender body despite the proximity of the fire. What more could he really do? He only hesitated for a moment before pulling off his armour and settling himself gingerly in the bedroll beside her, one hand on his unsheathed sword. This was apparently not good enough for Lina, who shifted restlessly, ineffectively trying to burrow further into his warmth. She seemed frustrated by her lack of strength, making little, despairing sounds which tore at his heart. Worried she was going to set herself back by bleeding more, he moved closer still to prevent her from rolling off the incline upon which he had placed her hips, and placed his free arm around her, holding her against him.   
  
Gourry found himself smiling - even drained of all her physical strength, even unconscious, Lina's stubborn will had, in the end, prevailed.  
  
He held her in his arms as the sun descended beyond the horizon, the air cooling only minutely. It was warm inside their little nest, but the coolness of Lina's body seemed to absorb all the excess heat which Gourry should have been feeling. He would have preferred it a hundred times over for them both to be sweltering together in blessed normality, to hear Lina complain that she was too hot, but instead she continued to shiver, and now and then continued to futilely burrow closer.  
  
The blood did not seem to be advancing as rapidly on the occasions when he checked - the new layers of cloth he had padded her with remained mostly dry, not soaking through like the others had. This also meant he didn't have to feel as much like he was invading Lina's privacy each time he evaluated her condition.  
  
Now, in the darkness, there was plenty of time for him to think. He sent his mind back to the thought he'd dismissed earlier. He had known that women had something that men didn't - his mother had explained a little to him, although she'd left the details out, only mentioning that when he had a wife of his own she would tell him what she felt comfortable with telling him. She had told him one trick to help him be, as she put it, a little more sensitive, saying that he would always know that it was that time of the month for the lady in his life because she would be washing a lot of rags, and that sometimes a woman might be a little cranky, but she didn't really mean it. Then the fortune teller he had met informed him that priestesses and sorceresses lost most of their powers at that time, but the final piece missing had been...   
  
Could it be that it was normal for a woman to bleed? Maybe it was, but not like this... But if it was normal, and this was 'that time of the month' really meant, then that meant...  
  
Lina had kept it from him. Deliberately.  
  
The sting of anger and hurt was brief as he forced the emotions down. At the moment it didn't matter to him, nothing mattered to him but Lina's safety. But she *would* live, she had to, because he was going to give her a piece of his mind the minute she was well enough to take it - and the surprise, because it was going to a bigger piece than she seemed to think he possessed.  
  
A movement in the darkness interrupted his reverie, and Gourry tensed, clenching his hand around the hilt of his sword. Not this time! his nerves screamed. Not this time. He was ready. Ready to shed as much blood as it took to keep Lina safe. Again the shape moved, inhumanly quick and low to the ground. Not a bandit then, he suddenly felt certain, as a low, quiet growl reached his ears. Gourry growled back, under his breath, as his blue eyes scried the darkness, lenses of ice, making out a dim, four-legged silhouette.  
  
A wolf!  
  
Wolves had a bad reputation, but then, so did Lina. Gourry hadn't had much trouble with either one, himself - though Lina was definitely the more dangerous of the two, especially since the wolves he had encountered we shy and solitary by comparison. Even in packs they seldom went after people, unless their natural prey was not available. But Lina was an unusual variable - with the amount she was bleeding, they had probably been attracted. Great, just great. He continued to scan the darkness on all sides, moving slowly so as not to provoke an attack. After long moments, when no more eerie green eyes presented themselves, he concluded that this particular wolf was alone. No pack then, or perhaps he was sick and alone - which made him dangerous. Well, Gourry was dangerous too, he was protecting his mate!  
  
Green eyes flashed, the animal sat down upon its haunches, then crouched lower, trying to make itself less noticeable, perhaps preparing to attack.  
  
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Gourry whispered to the animal, "I know what you're thinking, you're thinking easy dinner right? Well, she's not, she's a lot of trouble, and I'm going to be even more trouble if you try. So do yourself a favour and don't. She's skinny, she's scrawny, and really not much good to you... she's a sorceress too," the swordsman confided. "So even if you managed to get a bite, she'd probably be so spicy you'd die right there. Give your stomach a break, okay, go find a nice rabbit... this one's mine."  
  
The wolf whined, and Gourry saw it get up, but it only circled, settling down in a spot where he had to crane his neck to keep watch.  
  
"I'm not going to fall asleep," Gourry told the creature. "You must think I'm pretty stupid, and I guess I'm not the brightest person, but I'm a lot brighter than you, dog-breath. Just go.... away!" He snatched up one of the smaller rocks he had used to ring the campfire and flung it at the beast, who yelped and retreated, briefly, before returning to his station.  
  
"You want me to come after you, don't you, boy? Think you can lead me off and then come back and snack on Lina while I'm off crashing around in the dark, trying to get you?"  
  
The lupine yawned, as if such base trickery was beneath it, and continued to watch him, its eyes all but irridescing in the fire's light.  
  
"Go!" Gourry tossed another rock, this one connecting with the beast's flank. It ran off yipping.  
  
Moments later, however, the beast was back.  
  
And it brought friends.  
  
Gourry swallowed as the dark filled up with eyes, and whispered, succinctly, as only a jellyfish could, "Shit."  
  
Instinct drove him as surely as it drove the wolves, as he saw with a blinding certainty that the time for toying was past. In a flash he was up, crouched protectively over Lina's form, grateful that the fire at least was protecting her back as the dark, shadowy shapes drew closer, tightening their circle around the swordsman and his unconscious charge.  
  
With a snarl the first creature leapt at him, and like a wave the others followed. Gourry swung his sword, left at right, cutting a wide swath through the creatures, but they kept coming, retreating as they became injured, their healthy companions advancing continuously to fill the ranks, laying siege to his defences with almost military precision.   
  
Sweat gleamed on Gourry's brow and arms as the warm evening turned blindingly, lethally hot. The clearing was a hellish scene of the damned, lit by orange and dancing shadows, demonic beasts of urine scented fur, of musk, of claw and tooth.  
  
Blood mixed in with sweat - his armour would have afforded him little enough protection, but rows of shallow tooth marks lined his arms and legs from where a few beasts cut through his guard. None had gotten near Lina, though, which was more than enough, as like a pawn he sometimes put himself where his sword could not be, sacrificing himself to keep them from touching her - she was already so weak, and the beasts could be maddened or sick. Gourry would never have suffered Lina to be harmed under the best of circumstances, but now the shock of an animal bite on top of everything else was an even greater risk.  
  
Shaggy furred bodies piled up around him, yet still the wolves kept coming. These were not normal wolves, who would have retreated by now, surely, with so many of them fallen - no, these were like the creatures from fairy tales and nightmares, eager for Human flesh.  
  
A heavy weight landed on his shoulders and he flung it backwards, sending the creature into the campfire in a shower of sparks, an odour of singed fur and blood, and a despairing, high pitched squeal as the badly burned wolf, so injured that it looked more like a rare roast than a beast, righted itself and scampered away, only to be devoured by its fellows.  
  
Not normal wolves at all. And more kept coming.  
  
Gourry rode on a current of pure adrenaline, close to feral himself as he fought to keep the snarling beasts away. Wielding his sword like he was mowing hay, Gourry beheaded first one creature, then another. "You might as well give up!" he yelled, at the top of his aching lungs, "I used to be an animal lover, but I'm not anymore!"  
  
Suddenly a collective series of yips and yelps sounded, and the attacking wolves turned tail abruptly, bursting into a quick retreat as though they had just then come to their senses. An instant later, Gourry found himself alone with Lina in the clearing again, only the bodies of the slain wolves attesting they had ever had company at all.  
  
"YEEAAARRRRGGGHHH!" Gourry raised his sword high, screaming rage and frustration into the dark as the beasts retreated. It was not triumph - they had been slowly, and literally, eating away at his defences, and in the deepest corners of his mind he'd been afraid he would not last. Now, miraculously, they were saved, as if by an unseen force.  
  
"Oi, Gourry..." came a soft, muffled whine from the blanketed mound that was Lina, "...could you keep it down? I'm trying to get some sleeeeeeeeep...."  
  
"Lina!" It was all Gourry could do not to fall on the small coccooned sorceress as his legs gave way in a mixture of shock and surprise. He lowered himself to his knees, or rather dropped like a stringless puppet, and saw Lina's eyes were open, staring up at him blearily.  
  
"You look like hell," Lina blurted.   
  
"So do you," Gourry answered, too tired to care about self-preservation.  
  
If Lina was insulted, she didn't give any indication, but her eyes sparked with confused agitation. "What the heck were you doing there anyway? You scared the daylights out of me!"  
  
"Saving your life," replied Gourry, "again. There were wolves."  
  
"Wolves?" Lina craned her neck, trying to see.  
  
"Wolves," confirmed the swordsman, grabbing one shaggy corpse by the tail and lifting its tattered hindquarters into view.   
  
Lina's eyes widened as she saw the blood and long scratches on his arm. "You're hurt!" she exclaimed, trying to get up.  
  
Gourry placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pressing her back. "So are you, it's better if you don't move right now."  
  
"I'm... hurt?" Lina whispered, staring up at his face and the canopy of trees above them. "What are we still doing here? Why aren't we in town yet?"  
  
"Because you passed out, Lina," he told her patiently, swallowing down his anger at her carelessness. "And now you're bleeding too much for me to move you..."  
  
"Bleeding?" Lina's voice went up a little at the end, and she shifted in her bedroll restlessly. "How...?"  
  
"No," Gourry told her, "don't move. It isn't safe." He looked away uncomfortably, adding, "I took care of it."  
  
"You...?" This time Lina struggled in earnest, and Gourry leaned over her, steadying her.   
  
"I had to. Don't be angry..."  
  
"Don't be stupid," Lina countered, a tired, limp fury colouring her voice, "it's just that time of the month - I thought you knew about that. No one can die from it."  
  
"It's true, then... you - girls are supposed to bleed?"  
  
"Yes, Gourry," Lina told him, rolling her eyes, "it's perfectly normal. We even feel a little uncomfortable. So you see, I'm just *fine*..."  
  
Gourry stared down at her, feeling anger slip closer to the edge, words grinding out between clenched teeth, "If you think bleeding through a few dozen layers of cloth, including my spare shirt is fine - " He paused, taking a deep breath, reminding himself that she was still giddy from lost blood, and probably didn't know as much about what she was saying as she seemed to. "If you think that's normal, then you obviously don't know as much about this as you think you do."  
  
Lina took a deep breath, sighed, then yawned widely, though her eyes remained half open as she regarded him. "I'm sorry," she said at last, in a small, agitated voice, "I should have told you... but I thought... I didn't know this would happen, I thought this would be just like any other time, a day or two, and it would all be normal..."   
  
"It's okay, just... try to stay calm. It's all going to be normal again, I promise," Gourry told her, a promise he intended to keep by any means necessary.  
  
"You mean you're not angry?" Lina sniffled hopefully.  
  
"Nope. I'm furious," Gourry answered, "but this isn't the time to talk about it. Right the only thing that matters is getting you better. We need to get some food into you so you can get your strength back."  
  
"Ugh..." The grey cast on Lina's face seemed to deepen. "If I eat anything right now I'm going to puke my guts up. Couldn't I just have some of my tea?"  
  
"No tea," was Gourry's immediate response, "you've been all but living on the stuff since we left the last town - "  
  
"But it makes me feel better," Lina pleaded.  
  
"But is it going to make you *get* better?" Gourry asked, raking his hands through his hair. "You like food, you should be beating me over the head because all I have to give you is a little dried meat and some of those grain bars with the raisins in them."  
  
"Gourry, if you try to feed me that I'm going to barf," Lina told him, enunciating each word as if she was speaking to a small child.  
  
"I'm... not... a... baby... Lina..." Gourry told her, in exactly the same tone, "I don't know a lot, but I know about this, I know about people dying - did you think I was just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs before I met you? I've killed people and I've seen people die... I don't want one of them to be you..."  
  
"I'm not going to die, yogurt brains," grumbled Lina sourly.  
  
"Gods, you're so stubborn!" Gourry threw up his bloodstained hands in frustration, only to have the bright vermillion of death capture his gaze, nearly making his gorge rise suddenly - normally the sight of blood did not bother him, but now, when they were so blithely discussing hers... He picked up some leaves and used them to wipe the blood from his hands. "You'd argue that the sky was black if I said it was blue, just for spite, but the really sad thing is that you'd have me going for a while before I figured it out." The swordsman swallowed convulsively. "I guess I really do have yogurt for brains. I know you always thought I don't have much upstairs, and I guess I can be a little, well, dense sometimes, but I was never so stupid in my life, Lina, not until I met you... I forget everything I've ever known when I look in your eyes."  
  
That last admission seemed to have done the impossible, and silenced her, because Gourry saw her look away, into the flames.  
  
"You don't know what you're saying," Lina's voice hardly carried over the crackling of the flames, its softness coloured by an unfamiliar note of uncertainty.  
  
"Yes I do!" Gourry exploded in frustration, the stress of the last moments - he did not know whether it had been minutes, hours, or days, but it felt like a combination of all three - coming alive within him. "You drive me *crazy*, Lina Inverse!"   
  
"Ditto," whispered the sorceress, teasing him with unknown vocabulary.  
  
Gourry scratched his head. "Huh?"  
  
"It means you do the same thing to me," Lina clarified in a voice of soft patience.  
  
"I guess that's fair," Gourry agreed. The time for being gentlemanly was not now, and the swordsman pressed his advantage, knowing in the back of his mind that Lina would make him pay for this as soon as she was well. "Now, I can warm some water for you, and we can soak the dried meat and make a nice broth... or I can cut the throat of one of these wolves and pour the blood into a cup, and you can have *that* for nourishment."  
  
"You wouldn't..." Lina's lower lip stuck out comically as she turned to look at him again.  
  
"Oh yes I would," Gourry threatened, his voice deceptively sweet, a part of him taking hope from their verbal joust. If Lina could snipe at him, the situation *had* to be better than he thought.  
  
"Some bedside manner you have," Lina muttered, shifting under the blankets.  
  
"Lina..." interrupted Gourry, crossing his arms and staring down at her, trying to look stern, when all he wanted to do was melt - and maybe climb back into the bedroll with her and succumb to an exhausted sleep. He could afford to do neither.  
  
"Geez Gourry," whispered the sorceress, looking up at him, "you were really that worried about me?"  
  
He looked into Lina's eyes, the soft sunset crimson of them, not quite like blood, and after a while the swordsman simply nodded as he began preparing Lina's broth. He didn't trust himself with any more words just now. 


	13. Only Time

Author's note: You guys are so smart! ^_^ And that's all I'm saying.  
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Lina stared up at the pitted wood of the inn ceiling. Exactly the same thing she had been doing for the past five days.  
  
Gourry had kept watch over her all through the night after she had awoken, and in the morning they were blessed by a small merchant caravan who gladly accepted to carry them to the next town in exchange for the pelts of the wolves Gourry had killed. Ironically they had not been so far away, perhaps a mile or two at the most. If they had just pressed on....  
  
She would be dead right now. That's what first the healer Gourry found had said, and then the midwife the healer had brought in for consultation when he'd discovered the nature of her problem. Lina still couldn't believe it, even though she'd had days to assimilate what she had been told.  
  
"We're not sure exactly what happened," the midwife, a young woman no more than Luna's age had confided. "Sometimes this just happens to young girls like you, while your body is still getting used to your cycles. Of course there are... things which you may have eaten or drank which could also bring something like this on. Were you trying to rid yourself of a child?" Green eyes had levelled bluntly with red.  
  
"No!" Lina was aghast, "I haven't even..." she cut herself off with a blush.  
  
"Really?" The young midwife seemed surprised. "Travelling with *him*," she nodded meaningfully, and not a little appreciatively - Lina suspected, with more possessiveness that she cared to admit - towards the closed door, beyond which Gourry waited nervously.   
  
The sorceress flushed more deeply. "It's not like that, I mean..."  
  
"Not yet?" offered the other young woman with a kind, open smile. "It's alright to have those sorts of feelings, they're perfectly normal. I wouldn't be employed so well if they weren't."  
  
"I... careabouthimverymuch," Lina mumbled, pulling a corner of the pillow over her face.  
  
"Well, you seem to be doing much better now. I don't see any reason why you can't show him how much you care once everything has gone back to normal. Just be sure to rest - and I mean stay in bed and rest - and eat lots of red meat, to build your blood up. You should probably avoid pickled foods and things with vinegar for the next little while - that thins your blood, which is not good when right now you don't have as much of it as you should. And you should drink lots of liquids like water and milk."  
  
She had repeated her instructions to Gourry and then left.  
  
That was five days ago.  
  
Five whole days.  
  
Five whole days of lying in bed, being fussed over by a jellyfish swordsman who had adopted the personality of a mother hen. First she had been too sick to care very much, though she had abhorred her weakness, then she had gotten to enjoy being waited on hand and foot.  
  
Now, she fantasized about escape. The bleeding had dwindled down to almost nothing, as if a switch had been flipped inside her, miraculously returning everything to normal. She was already beginning to feel her nerves twitch and sing with a distant awareness that heralded the imminent return of her magic. Yet here she was, incarcerated in a stuffy inn room like a disobedient child left to think on the error of her ways. The pout she unknowingly wore added to the comparison tremendously.  
  
"Boooooooooooring!" Lina wailed, her voice a drawl of slowly stewing insanity.  
  
"Breakfast!" chirped a certain canary-headed swordsman, throwing open the door to admit a whole retinue of service professionals bringing cart after steaming cart of morning nutrition.   
  
This was one of the three highlights of Lina's convalescent day, the other two being lunch and dinner, but let's stay with breakfast for now, since the sheer volume of carnage would be more than enough to astound all but the hardiest of souls. Cereals both hot (oatmeal) and cold (granola), fruit, buttered toast - white and brown, and an assortment of cheese made up the first course. After that followed the hard stuff, bacon, sausage, ham, eggs, and about four different kinds of... "Steak again?" Lina whined.  
  
"You like steak and you know it," Gourry told her, sitting down a safe distance from the bed as Lina set upon her meal with fanged pleasure, now and then handing more dishes to her and receiving the empty ones back. "Look, this one has bacon wrapped around it - " he yelped as he nearly lost several fingers along with the bacon-wrapped delicacy. "...see?"  
  
"I'm bored," Lina vied for conversational supremacy with a mouthful of hashbrowns, settling the matter by washing the lot down with a gulp of milk. She saw the 'cold heartless swordsman' look come into the eyes of her long-time travelling companion again and silently cursed Zelgadis for his influence on *her* jellyfish.  
  
"Now Lina..."  
  
"Don't you 'Now Lina' me, you insensitive turkey! You're not the one whose been sitting in this bed for five days - "  
  
"'Cause I'm not the one who nearly killed myself running around pretending to be okay while I was bleeding to death." Sweet and silken, Gourry's smile was also totally implacable. It wasn't fair! How could an invertebrate sea creature still conceal a spine of pure steel?  
  
"How long are you going to keep reminding me of that?"   
  
"Until I think it's sunk through that thick red head of yours not to do it again." Again a calm, infuriating reply.  
  
"Thick head!" Redhead or not, this time it was Lina who saw the colour. "THICK HEAD!? Listen Mister-pot-calling-the-kettle-black... black... hmm, ya know, I think you would look nice in black... FIREBALL!"  
  
It had been an instinctive reaction, but it worked nonetheless. Flaming red as Lina's temper, the small, fiery sphere, like the sorceress herself, packed a mean wallop inside a tiny package as roaring flames sent Gourry's chair careening backwards in a brief, nuclear bright flare. When the flames died down, a side order of blackened jellyfish cringed and waved a white flag that looked suspiciously like a pair of his undergarments. "Uhhhhh..." Gourry moaned, "maybe you are feeling better, then..." He tried to sit up and slumped backwards again. "Ow."  
  
"No," sarcasm dripped like treacle from the icy shards of Lina's voice, "ya think?! I've had enough of this *crap*!" She threw back the covers of the bed and stomped across the floor in the oversized nightshirt Gourry had picked up for her to alternate with her pyjamas and pulled her clothes from the drawer where they were being stored, long since cleaned and restored by an obliging laundress. "I'm going to go out and *do something*, dammit!"  
  
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" the bucket of extra-tasty, crispy jellyfish risked life and limb to fearfully enquire.  
  
"If you want to see another *day*, it is!" Lina snapped, with sharp, pointy teeth, and slitted Mazoku eyes, oh, and the cutest little forked tongue. She had scrambled into her clothes so quickly that any casual observer would have barely seen her move, and now she stood, hands on her hips, still glaring at him. "Now are you coming with me or not? 'cause I'm not staying here another second."  
  
As she picked up her bag and stormed from the room she heard his footsteps following.  
  
  
  
Out in the sunshine, walking on her own two feet again at last, she found her mood tilting again towards magnanimity. She fell back into step beside Gourry again as he followed her in the direction of farmers carts, and women carrying shopping baskets to the town's marketplace.  
  
Nothing was said by either of them as they walked, and Lina began to feel more than a little disheartened as she took in the stormy look on the tall blonde's face, and the way he deliberately used his gold hair as a curtain to shield his face from hers.  
  
"I'm sorry, Gourry," the words escaped Lina's lips unbidden, though apologizing was probably her last intention. Still, she was a little shocked to see the normally happy warrior in such a state. He never sulked so long before, not even on the many occasions when she and Amelia had dressed him in women's clothing. She found herself stammering another excuse as he didn't make any sound of acknowledgement, only a sullen nod to answer her. "I was just... really going nuts in there. You understand, don't you?"  
  
"You nearly died, Lina," Gourry whispered, softly, his voice nearly lost in the soft breeze tickling her ear and playing with her hair. "How do you think I feel about that?"  
  
Really, he was making his feelings quite plain. It also seemed quite likely it was going to take her a while to make this up to him. She spotted a candy-apple vendor across the way. "Hey, they have candy apples!" Her enthusiasm was not feigned, despite having just finished a full course breakfast. A half dozen of the candy-coated fruit would be a perfect finish, not to mention soothing to her confused feelings.  
  
"Great," muttered the swordsman at her side, a shrug of his armoured shoulders setting Lina's teeth on edge. Was he really that good of an actor? There was no way he could resist a tasty treat any more than she could.   
  
"C'mon," Lina tugged on Gourry's sleeve, pulling him towards the stall. "I'll buy you some - my treat!" Perhaps this would do it, she rarely treated him to anything...  
  
"No thank you," Gourry's voice was polite and expressionless.  
  
Lina resisted the urge to fireball him again, but that wasn't such a good idea. Truth be told, her wanton display of temper earlier had used up the still recovering reserves of her magic for the moment, although she could feel her powers recharging themselves all the time. It had never taken them so long before to come back. She knew Gourry was right, she knew the midwife and the healer had been right - she could feel the truth in her body, in the fact that while she was more than capable of being up and around, her strength was far from completely returned. How could she blame him for being upset? "Gourry... stop for a sec?" She paused and pulled him out of the flow of pedestrians, into the shadow of a shop's brightly striped awning. He stood there like a zombie until she stuck one hand under his chin, lifting it so she could look into his eyes. "Don't get used to hearing this because I'm not going to say it often, but... You're right, okay? You're right, I was careless, I should have told you what was happening with me, and if I didn't tell you that, I should have at least told you when I wasn't feeling well and I thought something might be wrong. You... you deserved to know."  
  
Gourry stared at her for long moments in frank disbelief and finally swallowed, roughly. "Thank you."  
  
Swallowing herself, the sorceress went on, "I know you want to protect me, but you can't protect me so much that I'm not really living any more. You can't expect me to stay in bed for the rest of my life because of one mistake. I have to live my life, Gourry, I'm too young to die yet, and especially to die in my bed. Besides, I don't think I'd ever want that." Lina gave her voice a teasing inflection as she tried to lighten the mood - judging by the softening of the swordsman's expression, little by little it was working. "Dying like that, with the kind of life I've had, it would be a bit of an anti-climax, don't you think?" She smiled up at him and placed her hands on his shoulder guards, standing on tiptoe, feeling her heart flutter a little with a strange sort of soft, wavering triumph that was, in its own way, as heady as the effort of casting a spell, as magical as anything which had ever coursed through her body. She shook slightly, and shied away from her original target, placing a quick kiss on the tip of his nose before turning away, blushing.   
  
Her face heated still more as she felt Gourry's hands settle on her shoulders, sending a minute tremor through her, half-revulsion, half-delight. The feelings of fear were still there, even as she fought them down, for she also felt the undeniable peace that came from being so close to him, from knowing that he cared about her. "But no dying yet okay?" Gourry requested after a long moment during which it seemed that both of them simply basked in the innocent contact. "I know it happens to all of us but... I think you've come close enough to scare me for a long, long time." He cleared his throat suspiciously.  
  
Lina turned around slowly, and looked up, breath catching as she took in the wondrous gentleness of Gourry's face - a look which she caught before he could hide it. No trace of vacancy, or vapidness, only intense warmth in a blue gaze which was far too clear, a warmth which suddenly suffused her from her head to the very tips of her toes. "Okay," agreed the sorceress, dumbfounded for once as her partner. "Ummm..." Suddenly her tongue untied itself and she rushed to fill the void of wordless emotion with something she could understand. "I was thinking of doing some shopping, okay? Why don't you come with me, you need another shirt, don't you?" She looked down again, realizing that talking about his shirt was probably not the best thing, considering how he had lost it.  
  
"That would be great, Lina," Gourry told her, giving her the sunniest of smiles.  
  
And Lina Inverse, who had never before cared much for what people thought of her, basked happily in the forgiveness of a jellyfish. 


	14. Hers

Author's Note: Okay, another short chapter, but yes, the lemon is coming. Soon.   
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They found a quaint little tailor shop in the market which offered a supply of both men's and women's clothing ready for immediate sale. Gourry had found a new spare shirt in the blue he favoured, and was now ensconced comfortably on a bench outside munching on candy apples - he'd decided to take Lina up on her offer once his mood improved - which left Lina staring indecisively at the decidedly uninspired selection of women's clothing the store offered. Limp pastels, and washed out russets, the occasional grey serge and homespun, not really much that inspired her. A lot of it, she dryly thought, would have come in handy during her 'rag crisis' but that was the extent of her admiration.  
  
A glimpse of black caught her eye, a crow amidst doves, and she reached for the garment, finding a simple black dress trimmed with red and yellow ribbons. The fabric was matte, and yet gleamed silkily around the bodice and the short, winged sleeves, the result of hundreds of black on black flowers stitched out in subtle iridescence. Its cut was simple, yet elegant, designed to fit snugly to the torso, with a modest square neckline. It was pretty enough, okay, it was gorgeous, but yards and yards of skirting made it totally impractical. Sighing, Lina moved on to look at the cloaks.  
  
"Why the long face?" The shop owner appeared at Lina's elbow as she stared up at a selection of cloaks and robes and other assorted outerwear.  
  
"Don't you have anything that a sorceress could wear?"  
  
"A sorceress, eh?" laughed the tailor, "well, a sorceress could wear anything she wanted. If she wielded enough power no one would gainsay her choice."  
  
Lina looked longingly across to the black dress.  
  
"Ahhh... I see you have found something you like." The tailor quickly ascertained, and retrieved the dress. "Only not quite? What about it doesn't meet your needs? I am willing to do alterations."  
  
"There's too much skirt," Lina said bluntly, "I was thinking I might like something a little... prettier, but that's way too froofy, I do a lot of travelling, and the bottom part would just get totally messed up."  
  
"Hmmmm, I see," murmured the tailor, taking in her current outfit, then motioning her to a curtained alcove. "Put on the dress, let's see what we can do for you."  
  
  
  
A comparatively short time later Lina stood on a stool, in a very much changed outfit. Most of the fullness of the dress had been cut away well above the ground, in a sloping uneven hemline which came to just above Lina's knees in the back, and to mid thigh in front, showing off her pink leggings - and, the tailor had gallantly added, her shapely legs. The ribbon trim from the hem now criss-crossed between Lina's breasts, supporting them and accenting them in a way her yellow bandeau never had.  
  
Lina stared at herself in the mirror, blushing as she saw that she now had cleavage - a modest amount, to be sure, for the neckline was not that low, but more than enough to prove, once and for all, that she was more than just a sorceress, that she was also... a woman. A woman? Could it be that the reflection in the mirror, that image of such an exotic creature, could truly belong to her?  
  
Of course it did! Lina couldn't resist an evil little chuckle. Gourry would just -die- when he saw this!  
  
"There's enough skirt here to make you another one just like it," the tailor said from behind her, spreading the material salvaged from the skirt of the gown onto a table. "If you don't mind a few extra hems here and there. Since you're buying that grey cloak and commissioned that other one, and a few spare pairs of those little pants of yours, I'll throw it in for nothing - the fabric's not much good to me as it is, but you'd make good use of it, I'm sure."  
  
Lina stepped down from the stool. "That would be great, thanks! Now my only problem is waiting around for you to be finished all of this. No offence, but I'm not really used to sitting around in one place for so long."  
  
"Well, then why don't you just come back?" suggested the tailor, "see some of the local sights and stop in on the way back. Here, this might interest you..." He handed Lina a sheet of paper. "This is our pride and joy, it's a major tourist attraction."  
  
Lina read the advertisement, "Hot springs and health spa?"  
  
"They aren't as good as Mipross Island," the tailor said, "but they're a lot closer to home. I've been there a few times myself. You and that young man of yours would know what to do in a place like that, two young lovers..."  
  
"We're not..." Lina stammered, remembering that night in the clearing with a blush, only to pale again, as the pleasure of her thoughts was railroaded again by what had occurred shortly after, a neverending feedback loop, leading nowhere but despair. Would that be all she could ever have, that moment of tarnished beauty that gleamed so brightly in her mind she could hardly stand to look at it, as it forever attracted and repelled her thoughts?  
  
"He's sweet on you, if you didn't know," the tailor smiled as Lina's blush came back again. "Oh, so you did... I remember what it's like to be so in love with a girl that you can't think straight. He's got it bad..."  
  
"That's none of your business," Lina told him, though without much conviction as she caught a glimpse of gold and realized Gourry had been waiting outside all this time. She smoothed her suddenly damp palms on the skirt of her abbreviated 'dress', and absently handed the tailor a few coins as advance payment for the rest of the work he would do. "I'll be back for the rest." Gathering up her new cloak, and her pack, she made her way to the shop exit.  
  
Gourry dozed on the bench in front of the shop, slumped peacefully, his golden hair drifting over his body in the gentle breeze. His eyes were closed, his expression so innocent he might have been a ludicrously overgrown little boy napping there.   
  
Lina sighed, watching him, entranced by the soft, smiling curve of his lips, as if he dreamed of something pleasant. His lips had *felt* soft too, she remembered, soft against hers, in a kiss which managed to be at once gentle and devouring. The dark memories crept forward on the heels of the light, but Lina wrapped her will around them like a serpent, strangled them, crushed them until they lay dormant again. Dwelling on those things meant the bandits had won, had won even though she had been spared still worse, even though she had escaped, even though she was now free, and had the power to destroy them growing again inside of her. No, even those thoughts did not belong, thoughts of revenge, when an angel slept before her, unknowing, as if he had fallen from a cloud to be with her on earth. An angel? She had been to the astral plane herself and never saw such wonders, her mind rejected whimsy for logic, yet here was something entrancing and precious. If asked she could not, for all her merchant blood, have named a price that would buy him from her.  
  
The realization came over her rapidly beating heart in a painful ache which was somehow not entirely unpleasant. /You've got it bad, Lina,/ she thought, /Oh, you've got it so bad.../ And it was getting worse. Was all love like this? Was it always this euphoria, this nameless longing? Or was that merely the love she had been infected with? Did it matter now, when her lungs ached with every breath she took into herself so deeply, as if she was trying to absorb the sight before her into every pore, as though just looking was not enough, could never be enough?  
  
Lina bit her lip, thinking of how that last kiss had felt - thinking only of that, banishing all other thoughts until she could almost taste the indefinite spice of him again. She was trembling now, the light breeze sending goosebumps rippling through her flesh, not with cold, but with total *awareness* of the man before her. He was beautiful... he was so beautiful... and she wanted....  
  
Timidly she settled down onto the bench beside him. Why did he have to sleep when her mind was as whirling, seething mass of thoughts and emotions and feelings she knew, and did not know, and wished she did? She rested her hands on her knees, half-starting again and again to wake him only to draw back, freeze like a doe in the sights of a hunter. What had happened to her bravado on the store? She looked *good* dammit, and she wanted to see Gourry's jaw drop when he saw just how good. That strong, handsome jaw...  
  
Lina's hands clenched and unclenched themselves some more until suddenly, effectively, her right one was imprisoned, enclosed in Gourry's warm grasp. She looked over at the swordsman, whose eyes were still closed, though the slow smile spreading across his face was a sure indication that he was very much awake. Gourry's thumb brushed slowly over her bare knuckles, and Lina bit her lip, shocked by the intensity of sensation elicited by such a simple touch. She hadn't bothered with her gloves today, even though she had repaired them herself during the last, increasingly impatient days of her enforced bedrest.  
  
"How were the candy apples?" Lina ventured, trying to distract the swordsman from driving *her* to distraction.  
  
"Sweet," Gourry purred - he purred! like some lazy, golden cat - and Lina felt somewhat more disturbed by the satisfied drawl of his tone punctuated by the renewed brush of his thumb, as if he somehow wasn't talking about the fruit at all. He slid his big hand beneath her own, meshing his fingers with hers. She was amazed how perfectly their hands fit together, despite their difference in size. "And red," the swordsman opened his eyes, giving her an enigmatic sidelong look. "Did I mention red?" His other hand brushed a strand of red hair away from its flirtatious dance near her cheek, and the sorceress felt her mind lose its final, desperate clawing grasp on reality. "How was your shopping?"  
  
"I ordered some new stuff," Lina gratefully felt her mouth taking over at the behest of her struggling mind - fortunately one part of her at least remained quick. "We'll have to come back to pick it up later. I also got something new for today..."  
  
Gourry's answer was to tug on her hand, coaxing her from the bench to stand in front of him, "Let me see..."  
  
She came out in front of him and stood there, watching him avidly for a reaction. Her face was heating again, and she fought to keep her hands at her sides instead of pulling them up against her face in a futile effort to conceal her blush. Generally the more you tried to hide something, the more apparent it became.  
  
Soon, however, Lina forgot about her blush, forgot as she fell into Gourry's eyes. He was staring alright, a part of her, deep down, had known he would, understood in a way she almost wished she didn't, that he somehow, miraculously, was every bit as enchanted as she was. He was looking at her, and Lina felt a thousand feet tall, a goddess - at last, yes at last, for she was young, and just a little vain, except that it was not vanity as most would have said, only her well-worn mask of bravado, since deep down inside she was as insecure as any girl could be. Yes, she felt like a goddess with this man - Gourry, it was him, he was *staring* - staring at her, but it was not at all what she had thought it would be. Where was the power, the exultation? Instead, came only the strange thought that she mustn't hurt him, mustn't betray him by any means for the naked longing there in his eyes was more powerful than she thought any human emotion could be. Had a right to be.  
  
Gourry's mouth moved, but no sound emerged, she felt his gaze sweep all of her, lingering in some places which ought to have angered her, ought to have caused her to blast him into his next incarnation, but somehow he made it alright, she could feel it, deep in her soul that he didn't mean her any insult, that his admiration, if not entirely innocent, was still somehow pure. He made it pure, with the emotions in his eyes, it was pure because it came from him, because she wanted his approval... wanted to be beautiful for him, as he was beautiful to her.  
  
"Lina..." At last he spoke, but, alas, poor kurage, for his tongue was no match for the eloquence of his eyes, alternately hidden and framed by the dancing waves of his hair. "Wow."  
  
"You like it?" Lina knew damn well he liked it - she would probably have been able to guess as much even if she was blind - but it was the best conversation she could come up with at the moment. "I thought it was time for a change."  
  
Gourry smiled up at her, and then realized he was still holding her and pressed his lips to the back of it. It was so totally corny... so totally... romantic... "Don't ever change Lina," the swordsman told her, giving her hand a squeeze before letting it go, "not even for me. But... I hope you won't mind if I say that I like the view."  
  
"I don't mind," Lina said, and laughed, just a little uncomfortable. Where had this shyness come from? This was not something she liked either, feeling all giggly and weird as if this wasn't the same man she'd been travelling with for the past three years. It was Gourry. Just Gourry.  
  
Her Gourry.  
  
Ack! But no. No. She had decided something, she remembered. Decided it back in the clearing, before... before their kiss, before those other things which she WOULD NOT THINK OF RIGHT NOW. She had decided that it required more energy to fight than it did to give in. That she had wanted something like this some day. Scratch that. She wanted it *now*. And Lina Inverse didn't mindlessly wait around for something she wanted, not treasure, not magical items, not food, and certainly not... the man she loved, the man she could see loved her.  
  
She had explored temple and ruin, astral plane and earth, seen demons meet their fiery doom, blown up mountains... She could handle this too.  
  
Lina remembered the flyer suddenly, and pulled it from her pack. "Gourry, since we have to wait around anyway for my clothes to be done... I've got a great idea..."  
  
He didn't stand a chance. 


	15. She's ba-ack!

*A big rock has been sitting here, quietly for the last four months, gathering moss... when suddenly, the rock tips over, and from beneath it crawls... a fan fiction writer. Yes, it's Flarn, looking very mouldy and tired, and smelling of neopolitan ice cream...*  
  
Okay, after a long creative slump, I'm back. The story's back, too, the lemon's coming - very soon. A big thank you to everyone who sent me those nice e-mails asking me to finish the story - it was nice to know that other people are as concerned about how this puppy will end as I am.   
  
I will finish it, you bet your computers I will. These visions must be shared, although you may not thank me as the story progresses further, but for now, bask in your sweet illusions... *evil grin*  
__________________________________  
  
  
The hot springs were not far outside of town, resting atop a small mountain which could be seen in the distance. Gourry was not especially surprised that Lina wanted to go there - if she was not systematically hunting down treasure or magical items, or eating, she usually enjoyed being pampered and feeling like the centre of the universe. In fact, he felt grateful that Lina was still in relaxation mode, despite her earlier restlessness. She was in her usual fine, feisty spirits, perhaps, but her colour was still more than a little pale. He hated to think what she would have done to him if it had become necessary for him to gainsay her, should she have decided on a more strenuous plan, rather than some time spent in much needed rest.  
  
Fortunately, the gods had decided to be kind to him.  
  
In more ways than one.  
  
He gave Lina another sidelong glance as she walked beside him, feeling only the faintest hint of guilt that his greater height afforded him such a good view of probably the best part of her 'new look'. Were the gods really being kind? Or were they still out to get him? Lina was certainly having her revenge on him for all those times when he had called her flat-chested, or otherwise teased her about her stature. Not only did he know differently, but now the difference was blatantly displayed by *that dress* - modest by most standards, compared to the clothes Lina usually wore it was positively indecent! To say nothing of the indecent thoughts it was provoking... gods, the way those enticing, maddening ribbons meandered over her slender curves, wrapping her perky chest, as if she were some sort of cute-sorceress-turned-birthday-present...  
  
Gourry gritted his teeth, and forced himself to look straight ahead, not that it would do much good. He was only going to look again, his eyes drawn helplessly back towards her as if he were no more than a puppet on a string.  
  
The weirdest thing of all was that she didn't kill him when she caught him looking. And she had caught him. Several times already. But rather than incinerate him where he stood, she had merely bitten her lip on an enigmatic smile that was somehow infinitely more scary than the thought of any physical retribution.  
  
"Lina?"  
  
"Ummhmmm?" the sorceress purred, stretching her arms upwards, a sure sign that she was for the moment relaxed and content. His eyes couldn't help but be drawn to her again, and to the outline of her breasts moving against the fabric of her dress.  
  
Now that he had her attention, Gourry realized that he couldn't exactly do much with it. Certainly not ask the questions that were now on his mind. If she hadn't killed him yet, she wouldn't spare him if she knew the direction of his thoughts.  
  
"Ummm, nothing..."  
  
  
  
Lina chuckled inwardly as Gourry went back to pretending he wasn't staring at her every five seconds. He was doing a crappy job of it too. Once upon of time he would have been sooooooo dead.... Visions of destruction teased at her mind's eye, and made her smile as she caught Gourry's not so subtle look again. Yes, once she would have killed him, but that was before she realized something very important.  
  
Just as the bandits had tried to take power from her, here the power was hers. It had always been hers.  
  
Gourry was her friend, Gourry cared about her, and would never do anything she did not wish for. But he wanted... he wanted *her*, wanted her, and did nothing but look at her, like a puppy dog hoping for a bone, those big blue eyes meltingly warm, clear as the sky. Why had she not seen it? Still, it was something at least, knowing that Gourry might just have it as bad as she did.  
  
  
  
Upon arrival Lina and Gourry were whisked away almost immediately by white clad attendants. As Gourry's shouts of denial "Hey, I didn't sign up for all this girly stuff!" faded into the distance as he was ushered into the men's area of the complex, his travelling companion, much more agreeable, allowed herself to be conducted through the labyrinthine white stone corridors. Latticework and sculptured reliefs of stone figures seemed a part of every single surface Lina saw, and, together with the silent staff in their snowy tunics, created an effect of almost dreamlike purity, otherworldly peace.  
  
"It used to be a temple," the small, dark woman who accompanied Lina explained serenely, as if in answer to her thoughts. "The ancients believed that the gods  
came to the spring on moonlit nights and made love on its steamy embankments, so they built this temple here to honour them. "  
  
/Made love?/ The abstract qualities of the reliefs on the wall suddenly came into focus, and Lina felt herself blushing as the strange positions of the figures suddenly made perfect sense.  
  
"...I don't know whether or not the legend is true," the woman was saying, "but we here at the springs like to think that if it was, perhaps a little bit of the divine was left here for our patrons to enjoy..." Suddenly realizing that her charge was no longer paying attention, the attendant stopped for a moment, taking in Lina's somewhat guilty blush. "It's your first time, isn't it?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," Lina looked for a suitable place to rest her eyes amid myriads of stone bodies which seemed to writhe before her gaze in lifelike abandon. "I've never been here before."  
  
"Well, no one leaves here without feeling like a god or goddess at least once during their stay. I am sure you will enjoy yourself quite a lot."  
  
Before long they reached a quiet room containing benches and several locked chests. "You can place your belongings here and change into one of the robes."  
  
And then the pampering began.   
  
For the morning session she was scrubbed with salt until she turned pink, then her whole body was coated head to toe in a concoction that smelled suspiciously of yoghurt and lemon juice, and afterwards wrapped in cloths, while her hair was drenched in still more lemon juice and chamomile tea to enhance its colour and left free, spread out over a straw hat with the top cut out of it. In the whirlwind efficiency of the spa staff, Lina didn't have time to process the sensation of what seemed like dozens of impersonal hands grooming her before she suddenly found herself alone again, stretched out on a bamboo lounge and left to bask in the late morning sun like some sort of mummy while the various substances took effect.  
  
She hadn't expected it to be quite like this, but now that she was here, she found she was getting to like it. Scrubs, soaks, mud packs, facials, Lina had never realized so many treatments could exist, let alone how many of them involved food. Her stomach rumbled vaguely at the thought, and she hoped there would be a break for lunch... Still, she felt so relaxed at this moment that it almost didn't matter... and soon she drifted into a peaceful sleep.  
  
  
  
When Lina awoke, she couldn't see. No, she wasn't blind, but something cool and slick rested on her eyelids, preventing her from opening her eyes. The smell of cucumbers made her stomach complain restlessly again. Experimentally she reached up, not any easy task with her hands, which were also wrapped in cloth, and plucked one of the objects from her eyes. It *was* a cucumber! Hunger nearly overcame decorum before she spotted one of the spa attendants seated in a chair nearby.  
  
"Ah, good, you're awake." It was the same small, dark woman who had escorted Lina before.  
  
"I'm hungry," Lina complained.  
  
"We'll feed you," the woman promised, as Lina's eyes filled with hopeful stars, "after you're rinsed."  
  
"Awww, man..."   
  
Being pampered was hard work.  
  
  
  
After she finally had lunch, Lina sighed as expert hands massaged the tension from her muscles. /I deserve this,/ the thought asserted itself a little too vehemently in her mind, which, despite her posture of repose, was anything but quiet, screaming at the hands of a stranger touching her, reminding her painfully of her close call nearly a week ago. /I deserve this and I'm not going to let some dirty bandits spoil it!/  
  
"Miss Lina," her masseuse chided her gently, "you must try to abandon this tension... you seem about to relax, and then I can see the stressful thoughts come back - they are written plainly on your face for anyone to see."  
  
/I am TRYING AS HARD AS I DAMN WELL CAN,/ it took some effort for Lina to keep the shout internal, and still more to avoid fireballing the woman who was, Lina had to admit, only doing her job. How could she know what Lina had been through?  
  
"You're not used to people touching you." The pointed, accurate observation startled Lina somewhat, close enough to her own thoughts to make her more than a little uncomfortable.   
  
"My family wasn't the most... demonstrative," Lina mumbled, not sure why she felt compelled to make this admission.  
  
"I see... and I would guess you're not used to a man's touch either...?" The woman let the end of the sentence hang for long moments as Lina blushed but did not speak, struggling not to ruin her plans by getting herself and Gourry kicked out of here. "Forgive me, I am being most presumptuous, but I saw that young man with you, and I assumed..."  
  
"Assumed what?" Lina's voice was cold, dangerous.  
  
"Well, you must know he's very..." The masseuse had a talent for leaving sentences hanging, omission conveying a far greater wealth of indiscretion than the bluntest speaking ever could.  
  
"Very what?" Lina was rapidly losing patience.  
  
"Handsome!" chirped the masseuse, oblivious of the danger she was in, "all the girls who are working on him can't stop talking about what a hunk he is, and how it's too bad he's taken. Wait 'til they hear he isn't, oooh, but maybe I'll just keep it a secret... if you know what I mean?"  
  
Lina took a deep breath and let it out. Took another. Let it out. Nope, no good, she needed to vent. 3... 2... 1... Like a ticking time bomb, her trademark Inverse rage exploded through her and suddenly Lina was standing on the massage table towering like a fury over the hapless esthetician. "AS A MATTER OF FACT HE IS TAKEN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SO UNLESS YOU WANT A FIREBALL WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE YOU'LL SHUT UP AND FINISH MY MASSAGE!!!"  
  
  
  
Two hours, and one shell-shocked masseuse later, Lina stood before the hugest mirror she had ever seen, surveying her transformation. Her hair after numerous conditioning and colour-enhancing treatments, had been braided and left to dry, and now hung in surprisingly docile waves all the way to her slender hips - several thin, braided strands held it's weight back from her face, and two tiny braids, intertwined, crossed her forehead like a circlet of nobility.  
  
Her skin glowed like a pearl - everywhere she had been buffed by sponges, polished like a jewel of any rough or dry skin she had gained on the road, and then rubbed with oils and lotions until her whole body was smooth and silky.  
  
Her finger and toenails had been dyed with a clever henna mixture that had been carefully blended to stain them only minutely, lending them the faintest shell pink hue.  
  
At last she had been dressed in a gauzy robe of white, with wide, trailing sleeves, complimented by a wide, white belt which laced up the front from the top of her hips to just beneath her breasts, accenting her slender waist and highlighting her feminine curves. And she did have curves, dammit - see, here, in this mirror, here was the proof for all the morons who persisted in saying she looked like a boy. At least Gourry was no longer among them.  
  
A secret smile spread across Lina's face... it was almost a pity she wouldn't get to blast him for it anymore. But no... why do that, when things could be so much more exciting? Or frightening, Lina shivered and dismissed the thought, going back to her contemplation, which was much easier, for the moment.  
  
She stretched out her hand, watching as her reflection did the same. It was even more of a revelation than her new dress had been. "Could this really be me?" Odd, she wore no gold, no jewels, no fancy clothes, just simple cloth, and for once Lina felt she could outshine Amelia in all the regal splendour of her father's court and her royal birth.  
  
"Miss Lina?" asked an esthetician, "Do you like it?"  
  
"It doesn't look like me," Lina whispered, and it was true, it settled in her heart like a weight - this wasn't her, the smile, it knew too much, more than she did. She, Lina Inverse, whose ruby eyes had met the blood-filled gaze of Shabranidgo Himself, who had felt the collected knowledge of the Claire Bible sweep through her being... and yet, she knew nothing about being in love. She couldn't, she just couldn't...  
  
Couldn't? No, that was even less like her.  
  
"I think it does, Miss Lina," the attendant murmured, "you just haven't seen this part of you yet."   
  
"Alright," Lina told the other absently, still caught up in the surreality of the moment. "So what are me and this new part of me supposed to do next?"  
  
"Dinner - and your swordsman gets to see the results of the transformation."  
  
  
  
Lina was led out of the main complex, out into a garden, lit by the setting sun. White clad couples sat at tables amidst the foliage, a few candles lending their glow to the slowly encroaching dusk. She easily found Gourry for he sat alone, unpaired, waiting for her, but even without that distinction, his long blonde mane set him apart from the rest, glittering like fine gold in the fading light, tiny strands illuminated, metallic bright where the light caught them.  
  
His normally windblown hair had been brushed mirror smooth, a faint corona of light resting on it like a halo, and pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Like the rest he wore white, but unlike the rest, who appeared to be wearing someone else's oversized pyjamas, Gourry looked like a prince in his borrowed clothes. White, though totally impractical, became him immensely, highlighting the golden hue of his sun-kissed skin, making his naturally broad shoulders seem even wider, despite the lack of armour. The shirt he wore was casually laced, almost too casually, as if he had just thrown it on and not bothered to finish lacing it. A few strands of hair, too short for the queue, escaped and danced in the evening wind across the bright of his nose - the big man puffed, trying to blow them out of his face in exasperation - the task engaging him for several long moments - wearing a frown of unwarranted concentration that made Lina's heart turn over.  
  
A silly prince perhaps, but... dammit, royalty did have a reputation for inbreeding didn't it? Maybe she was looking at the secret heir to some vast and wealthy kingdom, but prince or not... He was hers. The decision was still so new, the acknowledgement, the warmth, the *heat* so raw that Lina couldn't move forward for a moment, couldn't find the strength to advance and claim her seat at the table. And of course, she had to be blushing. Again.  
  
It was that moment that Gourry chose to turn and look her way. His eyes, widened as he saw her, she could lose herself in those eyes. Gods help her, she had never wanted anything so much but to do just that.  
  
"Lina..." She saw him mouth her name, though the sound of it was carried away by the gentle breeze that swept through the garden, teasing sweetness from the flowers. The scent of roses and lilacs filled the air, an intoxicating incense, perhaps that was all that made Gourry take a deep, shaking breath as she forced herself to walk towards him. Walk, not run.  
  
/Be normal, be normal,/ she willed herself, but the day had long since spiralled beyond her control or understanding. It was all new to her from this point on. /Come on, new things are exciting./ Exciting, yes, it was the excitement that made her heart pound and her mouth feel like she had eaten a plateful of cotton for lunch instead of cucumber sandwiches.  
  
She neared the table - felt nothing but awkwardness, though Gourry stared as if he had seen nothing but grace. The look in his eyes did make her uncomfortable as much as it excited her - a part of her couldn't believe it was her he saw, and Lina actually spared a glance behind her to be sure some other, bigger breasted female was not preening. But they were alone - or might as well have been, for all the other diners were absorbed in only one thing: each other.  
  
/Might as well join them./  
  
Lina slid into her chair, thankful she didn't do something goofy like trip or spill their water goblets or something equally mortifying. The table was set with a white table cloth, silverware, and a single, white rose in a silver vase. She took the cup of water at her place and sipped it gratefully, arching her brow meaningfully over the rim as she felt a little of her old belligerence screaming to get out. /What's he lookin' at anyway?/  
  
So she asked him. "What are you looking at?" Lina had meant it to be sarcastic, something distancing to chase away the strange look in Gourry's eyes and the strange tightness that had returned to her chest, return them to that normal, familiar place, where they were buddies at best, and at worst competitors for food. Then, at the last moment, she softened it, remembering her promise to herself that this time things would be different. It was hard though, to roll out the welcome mat when all the time she had spent with this man she had spent finding a thousand different ways to say 'Go away!', none of which the jellyfish had ever gotten.  
  
Thank goodness.  
  
If he had understood, if he had left her...  
  
Then she wouldn't be in this situation, so it was his fault. So there.  
  
Making that point, Lina crossed her arms with a quiet, smug 'hmph' for the voice inside her head as she waited for Gourry's reply. Maybe he'd say something stupid so she could yell at him for a good reason - arguing with herself just wasn't as satisfying somehow.  
  
You like arguing with him.  
  
Shut up.  
  
You like arguing with him because deep down you would rather be doing something else with him that you don't want to admit to. Like kissing.  
  
SHUT UP!  
  
Great, now the big doofus didn't even need to open his mouth to make her blush. Just great.  
  
"Do you want to know what I'm looking at?" Gourry's soft, wistful tone caught Lina off guard, and she looked down, seeing his bare fingers 'walking' across the table towards her. Her own stood coyly for a moment, then, under the cover of flirtatiousness, pulled out a mallet and bashed the offending digits that had come calling.  
  
Gourry yelped and drew back.  
  
"Sorry..." Lina whispered, "reflex."  
  
"Did I just hear that? Did you just say 'sorry' again?" For someone who was as dumb as a post, Gourry sure could be observant sometimes.  
  
"No," Lina stuck out her tongue, "it must have been the wind."  
  
"Come over here and do that." Gourry winked.  
  
Lina stared. "You didn't just say that."  
  
"I sure did!" The swordsman winked again.  
  
"Is there something in your eye jellyfish?" Lina began dangerously, on the verge of totally losing it. "Maybe some of the SAWDUST IN YOUR HEAD FELL OUT!" Her voice had risen an octave in pitch, and several decibels in volume and suddenly the garden around them was deathly quiet.  
  
With all eyes turned to her, Lina had an uncharacteristic bout of stage fright. "Ummm heh heh heh..." Ever so gingerly she unwrapped her fingers from around Gourry's throat and inched back to her chair. "Rough courtship? Hee hee hee, ehhhhhhhhhehehehhhh... uggggghhhh..." She smacked herself on the forehead as the other couples went back to their dinners. "What the hell possessed me to say *that*?"  
  
Incredibly, when she had the nerve to look at Gourry again, he was still smiling - if anything his smile had brightened considerably at her outburst. "Now I know you're feeling better," he whispered. "That's my Lina, and I'm glad to have her back."  
  
  
  
(It's good to be back! To be continued, you know the drill...) 


	16. Healing

Author's note:  
Sorry for another short chapter, but I'm already working on the next part. The lemon is really on its way, but Lina is still trying to overcome her maidenly modesty. Isn't she just the cutest thing?  
  
Uh... now Lina, put that fireball down, okay... ummmm, help?  
  
_______________________  
  
  
Lina looked down at her hands for a moment, then across the table at Gourry, lifting her gaze from beneath her lashes, still a little overwhelmed by her outburst and her slip of the tongue, not to mention the swordsman's reaction to it all. She laughed uneasily. "Oookay... Well... that's good, I guess." She *was* fooling him a bit, that was very good, as far as she was concerned.   
  
"Can you promise me something, Lina?" Gourry asked softly, smiling at her still - if she wasn't so keyed up from the emotional tsunami that had been carrying her for the past week, she might have been able to bask in that smile, in the softness and warm flame-blue of his eyes.  
  
"Maybe," Lina told him warily, "but it'll cost you. My promises don't come cheap, you know!" She forced another giggle, rising higher on a tide of mysterious stress, a feeling that pulled tight in her belly, yet at the same time pooled like slow-melting candle wax.  
  
Gourry shook his head, and toyed with his fork, the movement sending his overlong bangs back into his eyes. He blew them back irritably.   
  
Lina giggled again, this time more easily, covering her mouth. "You sound like a horse when you do that."  
  
"Pbbbbbbbbbt," Gourry blew again, this time deliberately imitating the equine she had compared him to as he quirked a grin. "I eat like one too, but you know that already."  
  
"Yeah," Lina agreed, tilting her head, and smiling playfully, "you eat all my food, but you suck at pulling a carriage. I don't know why I bother keeping you around."  
  
"It's 'cause you like dressing me as a girl," Gourry pretended to pout, and Lina felt a tremor go through her at his feigned displeasure and the way it shaped his beautiful mouth - all she could think of suddenly was that she knew what it felt like to kiss that mouth, that if no one was watching, she might, just might, have thought of kissing its mutinous curve away.  
  
It wasn't fair. "What were you going to ask me to promise?" The question was still dangerous ground, but not as dangerous as the paths her thoughts were currently treading.  
  
Gourry gave her a blank look and scratched his chin for a moment.  
  
"You didn't forget," Lina groaned. It would be too much, here they were, almost talking together like normal people - he wouldn't, he couldn't spoil it now by going all air-headed on her.  
  
"Just testing." Gourry chuckled, the vacant look fading away as he gazed at her.  
  
"Oh, you!" It was Lina's turn to pout, but she couldn't even feign anger for long. Boy, for a member of the seafood family, he really seemed... smart tonight. Strange. "So?"  
  
"So?" Gourry echoed, shrugging blondely and tilting his head.  
  
"Stop playing with me, Gourry," Lina instructed in a voice of expressionless danger, taking a sip of water as she regarded the swordsman evenly. All this dancing around was frankly beginning to worry her. What could he have to say that he kept delaying it, drawing it out like a painful tooth extraction?  
  
"I was just going to ask you to promise that you wouldn't fireball me," Gourry began, his voice soft and rough, "if I told you how beautiful you look tonight."  
  
Lina's breath caught for a moment. "Beautiful, huh?" Her momentary blank stare was not feigned as she searched for something to say. "Well... uh, it's good to see you finally realize just how lucky you are to be travelling with a beautiful sorcery genius like me," she said, managing at last to flippantly toss her hair and give Gourry a wink. Inside her a vortex of something not altogether comfortable spun out of control. "It sure took ya long enough!"   
  
Gourry didn't do anything except nod seriously. Cripes, he was sincere - she knew he had been looking at her before, and he had appreciated her new outfit, but that had all been sort of playful. Safe. The way he was looking at her now was anything but safe, and the feelings she was having as a result were downright perilous.  
  
She looked around the garden hoping for a distraction. Waiters were coming around to each table, giving out little baskets that contained... "Oh look, bread!" She snapped up a small dinner roll at light speed, and forwent biting in favour off stuffing the whole thing into her mouth. "MMMM!" she exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically, even for her, as she held out the basket to her suddenly-too-intense dinner partner, with a spunky chipmunk-cheeked grin. "Wuhnt suhmmh?"  
  
Gourry shook his head, and Lina chewed self-consciously until she managed to swallow the roll. "Are you sure? They're really good!"  
  
"Well, if you really think it's okay..." Gourry reached forward towards the basket warily, as though expecting her to suddenly turn on him and blast him for his presumption. As he reached for a breadstick, his shirt cuff pulled back, and Lina could see the angry red of healing lacerations, which Gourry had told her he had gotten the night they were attacked by wolves. It was a night she did not truly remember as anything more than a collection of sounds and disjointed dreams since it was also the night she had nearly died.   
  
She'd almost forgotten Gourry's injuries in her convalescence, and then become used to the bandages - the healer had dressed the wounds almost as soon as he'd finished seeing to her, and she'd never had a really good, really lucid look at the damage. And there had been a lot of damage, just the mere fact that they'd had over a week to heal and still looked this awful filled her with shock and dismay. "Hey!"  
  
Gourry pulled his hand back, relinquishing his prize. "It's okay, you can have it! Don't kill!"  
  
Her face darkened for a moment as she looked across the garden, then back at Gourry, who was giving her that whipped puppy look which had once filled her with so much glee because it proved her superiority. Now it only irritated her. She didn't stop to wonder why, how could she when these feelings she was having were churning away inside of her like acid, eroding her defences, peeling them away, revealing something raw and vulnerable beneath. "No, not that, yoghurt brain, your bandages! Why did you take them off?!"  
  
"Ohhh, that..." Gourry grabbed the breadstick again and bit into it before Lina could change her mind. "They wanted their healer here to take a look. She said I should leave the bandages off for a while to let the wounds get some air, and she had a few herbs to put on to speed up the healing. I've been cleaning them like I was supposed to, but one was looking a little infected, so..."  
  
"Infected!?"   
  
"Lina, I - ackkkk!" was as far as Gourry got with his explanation, as Lina grabbed him reflexively by the neck and he began to choke on his mouthful of roll.   
  
Lina saw Gourry's blue eyes go suddenly wide with fear, bulging almost comically, as he gave a last gasp and his breathing cut out altogether. "Uh oh, ummm, don't do that, okay? Uh oh." Feeling her own share of panic, the sorceress sprang to her feet and hurried around the table to tall blonde's side, thumping him hard on the back.  
  
The piece of roll made a hasty exit as Gourry gave an agonized shout, his eyes now watering with tears of reaction.  
  
"Hey, what's your problem?" Lina wondered irritably, a little surprised, to say the least. "I was just trying to help - I didn't hit you *that* hard..." Spots of blood began soaking through the whiteness of Gourry's shirt. Or maybe she did... "Oh crap," Lina whispered in sudden realization, "oh Gourry, I'm sorry... I didn't know. They got your back too?"  
  
Gourry nodded, hissing in a pain-filled breath. "They aren't that bad... just a little... tender still."  
  
"Tender, my ass!" Lina interrupted, close to the limits of her thin patience. "You're bleeding, and you've been this way long enough. I'm going to fix you. Come on."  
  
"Lina, I don't think - "  
  
"No, you don't think, jellyfish, and you'd better not start now when all I want you to do is LISTEN TO ME AND DO AS I SAY!" The wind rose up at that moment, almost echoing the sorceress' dark fury, sending the loose strands of her hair whipping wildly around her head, fanning outwards in snakelike tendrils, all but standing on end, vibrating with the tension pulling at her slender form.  
  
Glutton for punishment that he was, and generally unimpressed by cool special effects, Gourry closed his mouth for only a moment before he tried again. "What about dinner?"  
  
And then Lina opened her mouth and said three words. Three special words that Gourry never expect he would hear from her. Three words that convinced him, once and for all that things had changed and, whether for better or worse, they would never be the same again: "Dinner can wait!" Lina held out her hand. "Come on."  
  
She drew Gourry out of the garden and back the way she had come, towards a break in the hedge that led back to the main buildings. At the entrance to the garden, she paused to regard the astonished faces of the other diners. "What are you looking at?!" Everyone went back to their rolls as Lina left in a huff.  
  
Rough courtship indeed.  
  
  
  
They made their way back towards the main building of the spa in silence. Lina pushed open the door that led into the antechamber. "Inside."  
  
They were in a round room of latticework panels, and more carved reliefs, a huge mosaic of a rose done in shades of coral, carmine, and olive stone painstakingly inlaid into the gleaming floor. Tapestry cushioned benches lined the walls, ready to receive visitors and make them feel comfortable while they waited.  
  
"Sit down." Lina told the swordsman. "And show me where you were hurt."  
  
"Lina..."  
  
"Now."  
  
Sighing, Gourry pulled his shirt over his head. Rows of long, shallow gashes lined his forearms, causing Lina to draw in a breath. "I don't know if this is such a good idea, Lina..."  
  
"Let me see your back."  
  
The swordsman turned a little on the bench and Lina tentatively pushed the curtain of his hair aside, flipping it over one shoulder to get a better look. She gasped at what she saw, dozens of small lacerations, like whip marks, scourged his lower back, though fortunately his shoulders had been spared thanks to his armour. The source of the bleeding was unmistakable. It wasn't a deep cut, but it was wide and painful looking, an area the size of both her palms where the skin had been torn away and then clumsily stitched back by someone who obviously didn't know what they were doing.  
  
"I'm going to go back and *fry* that healer," said Lina, from between clenched teeth. "I've seen unemployed tailors do a better job than this."  
  
"He didn't do it."  
  
"He didn't?"  
  
"No, it was one of the merchants who picked us up the day after. I'm not surprised you don't remember, you were pretty bad... I didn't even notice I was bleeding until the guy pointed it out. He wanted to fix it, and he had the stomach for it, so I let him. Most of it was all pretty minor, but this one kept wanting to open up."  
  
"Idiot," Lina whispered, almost to herself. "Even if I do a Recovery now, it's going to scar bad."  
  
"So?" Gourry shrugged, "I was a soldier, remember? Soldiers have scars..."  
  
Something, an indefinite quality in the big man's voice brought Lina up short when she would have scolded him more. Her hand hovered over the lacerated flesh, a strange, ghost of a caress that never touched his skin as she noted the other, faint white lines etching the marble-sculpted beauty of him, lines that she really hadn't considered properly before. Scars... At least one looked like it might have been very bad once, might have been enough, once, to have put their first meeting in very serious jeopardy. To think she might never have met him, the thought seemed so impossible now.   
  
"The things you get yourself into..." She shook her head, examining the skin which was faintly red, the areas between stitches oozing watery blood. The wound did not look especially good, and probably hadn't benefited from her unintentional rough treatment. "How'd you get this one anyway? It's a little high up for wolves."  
  
"One jumped my back - they were pretty strange wolves."  
  
"Well, don't worry about that," Lina said with forced cheerfulness - Gourry had received far worse injuries, but never before had she been unable to at least try to protect him, and each little laceration, however minor, seemed like a wound in her own soul. "A few Recovery spells'll have you as good as new."  
  
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Gourry looked at Lina over his shoulder as she rubbed her hands together. "Your spells just came back, and you haven't been well, you should keep your energy yourself to heal, not waste it on me, I'll be fine."  
  
"Don't argue with me."  
  
"I will argue," Gourry replied mildly, "someone has to talk sense here."  
  
"Ha," Lina barked a short, derisive laugh, "That will be a first if it's you! Now hold still..."  
  
Gourry turned around and caught her hands in his. "I'm not letting you do this."  
  
Lina would have none of that, however and twisted her hands from his grip, holding them up warningly, her garnet eyes sparking with anger and stress. "So help me, Gourry, either you will let me heal your wounds or I will *cauterize* them with a nice fireball!" The smile she wore was more of a grimace of carefully restrained rage. "Either one will use up some of my energy which you seem to want me to save - and at this point I think I'd enjoy them both equally, so go ahead. Try me."  
  
"Fine, fine!" growled Gourry, turning away from her, crossing his arms defensively as he ungraciously presented her with his injuries. "Do it."  
  
For a half second Lina was tempted to use the fireball, but instead she settled carefully onto the bench beside him and laid her hands gently over the largest wound, biting her lip when Gourry sucked in a breath of pain. She began casting Recovery, channelling what she could of her diminished energy into the swordsman's body, forcing it to heal.  
  
The room was quiet, only his restless breathing breaking the stillness, the sound heavy and angry.  
  
"How does that feel?" Lina asked, sweat forming on her brow as she watched the skin slowly knitting.  
  
"Alright," Gourry replied.  
  
"Good." Lina bit her lip again, and frowned hard, forcing all her concentration into the spell, and not into wondering how she could make him laugh with her again the way they had been doing not so long ago.  
  
/Stupid jellyfish. He was hurt because of me, because I was the one being stupid. Why can't he see I *have* to fix this?/ 


	17. A different kind of passion

Sorry it has been so long since the last update, but it seems like things were working against me. First fanfiction.net needed to be resurrected, and then last Tuesday I went in to get an extra hard drive put into my computer and they ended up killing my old one. ;_;  
  
And this happened just as I was getting ready to post part 17, and the lemon sequence that followed, neither of which were backed up. *sob!* But I have re-done part 17, and I think it's better than before, so I'm confident the lemon part will be the same... unfortunately it's not done yet. n.n;;;  
  
I will be posting the lemon separately in the NC-17 section to spare people who might not want to read much harder than an R rating.  
  
A few warnings for this section - nudity and such, we'll say it has a nice lime flavour. I hope you all agree. :)  
  
____________________  
  
  
Gourry listened to Lina's soft breathing and felt the energy she channeled into him as it slowly healed his wounds and erased his pain. Energy that had been hers.  
  
He felt warm where her hands touched him, and it was more than a bodily heat. It was like the energy itself was filled with her fiery spirit. But if that was right, he should have been burned to a crisp. Instead he felt comfortable and cared for, despite the fact that he didn't agree with her wasting her strength.  
  
A short, unbidden laugh escaped his lips as the irony struck him: another place, another time, and he would have given almost anything for the feeling of her hands on his bare skin. It was not often Lina touched him, and when she did it was seldom gentle, but the rare moments when it was were all the more precious because of it.  
  
Gourry tried to hold onto his anger at her stubbornness - it would have made things easier, certainly - but Lina's undivided attention poured into his being, filling the aching void of anger with a tenderness that hurt nearly as much. He closed his eyes and sighed, losing himself in the feeling of her questing over his skin, unerringly finding each place where he hurt without needing to be told, and soothing the pain away.  
  
"Finished," she told him at last, taking her hands away. He heard her take a deep, shuddering breath.  
  
Pulling his shirt on, the swordsman turned around, studying Lina's face. She was paler, as he had feared, and faint blue shadowed her eyes, but the look in them was still defiant, daring him to say anything.  
  
Gourry remembered her earlier threat of a fireball and thought it would be best if he didn't. He lifted his hand, more than half-intending to do something really risky like touch her cheek, but Lina surprised them both by flinching. He could see it in her eyes, an admission of... something. Things still weren't entirely right with her, he knew it, she knew it, and she knew that he knew it, that was what he saw, a communion suspended between heartbeats, in the moment before she looked away. He got to his feet and gave her a shaky smile which she returned a little too firmly. "Come on, let's go finish dinner."  
  
  
  
Dinner didn't finish as easily as it had started out. It became more about food - in and of itself nothing unusual for a meal the two of them shared, except that Gourry noticed Lina eating with what could be called less enthusiasm and more sheer desperation. Oh, most people would probably not have been able to tell the difference, but most people did not know what Lina had recently been through. What had the healer called it? Massive... hemorrhoids? No, that it wasn't it. Anyway, some big word that started with an H and meant that Lina had nearly bled to death. And then, to top it off, she'd wasted her newfound strength healing him.   
  
He could see he had been right - it had taken too much out of her, and now she was trying to compensate. He helped in his own way, and actually tried to sneak food from his own plate onto hers - of course Lina assumed he was doing the opposite and proved she still had strength enough to beat him soundly for his trouble.  
  
That had been bad enough, but it was by no means the worst of this day that had started off so well.  
  
/No,/ Gourry thought, rubbing his bruises as he took in the room the would share, the single room with a double bed they were supposed to share, /this is the worst./  
  
Their belongings were arranged carefully to one side, sealing their fate. It was no mistake.  
  
Lina was speechless next to him, which surprised him enough, he had expected more violence perhaps, but she strangely said nothing. Of course they had been in this situation more than once, and usually they took it in stride, but... with the way she had behaved at dinner he had been expecting a lot more noise.  
  
Then again, maybe she was building up for a nice big boom. His heart in his throat he listened carefully, but couldn't detect any sub-vocal incantations that would herald him being handed his backside on a magical platter as had happened so many times before.  
  
At that painful reminder, he decided it would be best if he played it safe and got out of the picture for a little while. "Umm, I think I'll pay a visit to the baths, Lina," he offered casually. "Since you fixed me up I can use them... you know, no open wounds and stuff..."  
  
Lina shrugged.  
  
"Uhhh, you know... don't wait up for me, okay? Just take the bed when you're feeling tired. I've got my bedroll, it'll be okay..."  
  
There was still no reply from Lina, so he grabbed a towel and the spare room key. "Don't forget to lock up!" Counting himself lucky, Gourry beat a hasty retreat, but paused until he heard the snick of the lock being turned, and then headed up the hall, safe from Lina, and glad that she was safe too.  
  
  
  
  
Gourry had no trouble finding the baths despite the maze of corridors - the strong mineral scent made it simple for him to follow his nose.  
  
He took off his clothes and washed up before moving into the bathing area proper, taking a look around. It was empty, and candles set in brackets around the wall dispelled the darkness and glinted off the clear, steaming waters, making the room both intimate and inviting. The baths were left open all night for those who wished to have a midnight soak, but Gourry hoped no one else would be joining him. He needed some quiet time to himself after all that had happened.  
  
Dropping his towel, he sank gratefully into the steaming water, letting his hair trail out behind him on the marble floor. The heat seeped like a blessing into his bones and he felt relaxation steal over him for the first time in what felt like years, though in reality it had been little more than a few weeks since they had started having adventures of decidedly the wrong sort.  
  
He wondered what Lina was doing right now, and hoped she was getting some more rest. It had been so easy to forget she had only escaped from her enforced convalescence today, but that was Lina, only she, of all people, could burn the candle at both ends, give more of herself than most people could manage, and yet still somehow seem all the brighter for it.  
  
She amazed him, most people would not be shining after what she had experienced... But she was not completely alright. His thoughts settled on what he had seen earlier, after she had healed him. She was not alright, but a small girl who had faced down monsters and hell lords without blinking, wouldn't she be alright in time? Of course she would! But... all the same, Gourry wished he could have more to do with the process, wished he could do something to help, wished he knew of anything he could do to help. There wasn't much, not when Lina wasn't the type to really confide... No wonder Xellos liked to hang around with her so much, the close-mouthed bastard.  
  
He would just have to do what he had always done, stay close to her, and protect her, but... It was his flawed protection that had gotten them in this mess in the first place. Gourry struck the water unconsciously with his fist as he remembered his second failure with a particular poignancy. If he had just... had just... not let her kiss him. Oh yeah, brilliant, like he could have done that, even his self-recrimination had a twisted sort of guilty pleasure wrapped around it. She had tasted like spice and honey, and he could have no more refused her than he could have cut off his own hand. She had tempted him to her own doom, that was the irony, and if it hadn't been for the interruption, and its terrible cost, he would have had no regrets about it whatsoever.  
  
But he had regrets. In spades. Because he had let himself be distracted, something awful, something unspeakable had happened to Lina. Memories scarred his brain, the trail of sweetness forever leading into bitter darkness... Her kiss, the fire in it, the way they had been so close, not needing words. If it had not been for what came after, if they had been left alone in the dawning of that strange new wonder, what words might have been said after all? Lina had kissed him first, had climbed into his lap, clung to him with all the force and passion she normally channeled into anger or spells - he could still feel her, smell the scent of her hair, flowers spiced with the smoky essence of the nearby fire. Would he have been able to taste the smoke on her skin?  
  
Even now the memory burned him, yet at the same time hung above his head, a sword of guilt, even greater guilt for it only half-stole the pleasure of the memory from him. If only... if only...  
  
Gourry closed his eyes as tears stung them, escaping unbidden though he tried to hold them back. They burned down his cheeks, lost amidst the sweat and steam of the baths. /Lina... I wish you would talk to me. I need you.../  
  
He let his head fall back in defeat, chest aching with his helplessness. Somebody give him a sword in his hand and an enemy to fight, not these shadowed memories that invaded his thoughts, the specter of a nightmare that had come true for him and for the woman he loved. How could he fight something like that?  
  
A faint ripple lapped at his chest, and he froze, realizing that someone had come to join him and he was no longer alone. Oh well, these were communal baths and it was late anyway. He should probably get back to the room and see how Lina was doing. Maybe if he was lucky she would be asleep and he could hold her again, the way he had been doing for the last few nights. He was always gone before she awoke, but at least it was something, to gather her close to his heart when she cried out in the grasp of vicious dreams, dreams that haunted him as surely as they haunted her.  
  
He opened his eyes.  
  
And froze.  
  
She was here.  
  
Lina was here. Sitting across the pool, her skin beginning to flush from the hot water, the more intense hue of a blush across her cheeks threatening to darken to match her eyes. Her hair had been braided and wrapped around her head to keep it out of the water. And she was as naked as the day she was born.  
  
"Lina...?" Gourry stared hard, wondering if he was hallucinating.  
  
"Ummm, hi," the hallucination replied, with incredible accuracy, "I thought a soak sounded kinda good so I came to join you..."  
  
Okay, if it was really Lina, which it appeared to be, then he was in serious trouble. One, she was naked in front of him, though admittedly he couldn't see much because the water came up past her chest and hid anything personal. Two, he was naked in front of her, although again, anything that would offend her maidenly modesty was also hidden from view. But those were two reasons that he should get while the getting was good.  
  
"Oh, umm, that's okay... I was just leaving..." Turning around hastily before he could be accused of lechery, Gourry made to leave the water.  
  
He heard a splash behind him, as if someone was getting up hastily, then thrashing through the water towards him. He didn't dare turn around as Lina's voice halted his escape. "Don't go..."  
  
"Lina?"  
  
"Please..."  
  
Slowly, he turned around. Lina was standing in the middle of the pool, not five feet away from him. And he could see a lot more now that she was standing, her breasts hovering at the surface of the water, slightly buoyant, drawing his gaze, giving him an eyeful of very cute, very perky sorceress, before he could realize his peril. Amazingly, she didn't kill him, merely sank down into the water a little lower, so they were hidden again, looking up at him with wide red eyes. "I thought maybe we could... talk..."  
  
"Talk..." Gourry sat back on the ledge again. This was a little too eerily close to what he had been wishing for, and, while he couldn't complain, he did wonder exactly what Lina wanted to talk about that could possibly motivate her to come find him, naked, in a pool of water, with no clothes on, naked... in the same water as he was naked in... wearing no clothes... The paradox set his brain into a momentary feedback loop, and he had to shake his head to clear it. "What did you want to talk about?" said his mouth, saving the rest of him from much pain as his brain struggled to catch up.  
  
"Well..." Lina started towards him again, and Gourry felt distinctly uncomfortable.  
  
"Lina, what are you doing? Err, on second thought... maybe we can talk about this back at the room, okay?" Gourry made as if to leave again. "I... really can't deal with you like this. It isn't you're fault, but don't ask me to pretend I'm just sitting here talking with Zelgadis... I can't do it, Lina. Pretty girl," he held out one hand, "guy who looks like a rock," he held out the other. "I might be a jellyfish, but even I know the difference."  
  
"No, wait..." Lina stopped him again. "Not yet. Please, just turn around and listen to me because I need to say this and I need to say it now."  
  
Again Gourry turned around, something in the urgency of Lina's voice sending shivers down his spine. What did she want? All the gods of this place knew exactly what *he* wanted with her standing there naked in front of him - she had stood up and forgotten to cover herself again in her urgency to keep him here for gods knew what reason, and he was trying desperately to keep his eyes safely on her face. Despite what he'd said, he could be a gentleman, but that didn't mean it wasn't pure torture to stand here with her so close, knowing that looking was outright dangerous and touching impossible.  
  
"What you said before..." Lina continued, "do you think I'm... pretty?"  
  
Gourry raked his hands through his hair. "Didn't I just say that? That's why I need to get out of here, when you're so pretty, and I can't look... can't get close to you... I will always protect you, Lina, and you will always be safe around me, but right now I need to protect myself, because I'm going insane... Please, just let me go, we can talk later, I promise..."  
  
"But... What if I *want* to be close to you?"  
  
Dipping his finger into the water, Gourry meticulously cleaned first one ear, and then the other. "Sorry Lina, I guess I didn't clean my ears out well enough - what did you say?"  
  
"I said I want to be close to you." Lina was blushing, and her eyes shone with emotion.  
  
"I don't think we're talking about the same thing here."  
  
"I think we are," Lina answered quietly, "what I'm talking about is no clothes, and ummm, seeing where that takes us."  
  
The swordsman felt the bottom seem to drop out of his stomach. "You're not saying what I think you're saying."  
  
"Yes, I am. You know what I mean..." Lina was blushing furiously now, and with Lina fury was not merely a flowery, meaningless adjective, but a hint of spice to her shy admission and his continued questioning of her. "Don't make me say it."  
  
"Uh uh, Lina, if you can't say it, you can't do it." Gourry didn't know where this new resolve of his had come from, but then he didn't know where Lina's sudden notion to... to... want him had appeared from either. Yes, she had kissed him before, but *this*...  
  
"Alright, fine! I want... ummm, you know, the horizontal tango, or whatever, you, me, on a bed, ummm... DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DAMN PICTURE, JELLYFISH?!"  
  
Both of them were a little surprised by her sudden outburst, and stood blinking at each other as the echoes of her shout faded away.  
  
"Lina, you..."  
  
"Yes! Yes, I do!" Her lip was set into a firm little pout, the look of a sorceress accustomed to getting her way. "I'm a big girl, I know what I want. You've seen the girls in the village, they're younger than me and they've been married for years already... I think it's about time I found out what the big deal is."  
  
Gourry swallowed. Of all the things Lina would have come to talk to him about, this was not one he would have guessed. Especially not after... Oh gods. "Lina... what are you saying?" He couldn't help himself and took a step forward, laying his hands on her shoulders and looking down at her, his throat tight with emotion, heart pounding a tattoo of self-recrimination - he had actually been taking her seriously, considering her offer. But that couldn't be what she really wanted. "How can you... after the bandits, when they... when they almost..."  
  
"No." Calmly, Lina placed a finger on his lips, silencing him. "Don't say it. Don't say another word. I am not talking about that. I'm talking about us. Believe me." She looked up at him, and he could see the clear fire of her gaze, burning with lucidity, thawing the fear inside of him. "Gourry, if I let that affect me, it means they won, even though they didn't... even if they didn't do everything they could have done. And I can't allow that. I can't let it get between me and something, well, let's just say it's gotten to be rather important..." Her laugh was a little shaky, but she continued to look up into his eyes, forcing him to hear her words, see the meaning behind them. "When the bandits... when they were going to... when I thought it was going to be them, and not... not someone I liked or trusted, someone who cared about me... All I could think about was you, and how different it would have been if it was you, if you were there, with me, if we... I didn't just want you to rescue me, I wanted you to be there, with me, showing me that it could be good, that it could be something special... I still want that, even after, no, even more, and I want it with you."  
  
Gourry swallowed hard. "Lina..."  
  
"Don't say no, Gourry Gabriev, don't you dare say no..." Abruptly she rose up on tiptoe to claim his mouth, launching herself into his arms, pressed wet and without barriers all along his shaking body, attacking his lips in a fierce, biting kiss that seemed to pull at his very being. Just hard enough to be painful, it was also just soft enough that it betrayed its underlying tenderness and left him uncertain if he ever wanted it to end.  
  
They both needed air, and so finally they did part, and Gourry was left staring down at her and rubbing lips which felt more than a little bruised. Lina was looking up at him expectantly, a slight frown creasing her forehead as she studied his face for a reaction. Her breath was coming fast, and she was trembling, as if she had just finished the casting of a high level spell...  
  
And in a sense she had.  
  
On him.  
  
His thoughts were churning, overwhelmed by emotion, led by reactions that demanded action rather than the use of what little brain power remained to him after such an attack on his senses. He was at a loss with her at the best of times, but now... "Lina, you should go. Right now." /Preferably before you see the state you've put me in, and I end up a flash fried jellyfish again./ He surreptitiously ducked a little lower in the water, just in case.  
  
"You don't want me." Her tone was accusatory, but he could hear the strains of suppressed hurt emerging beneath. "How could you kiss me like that if you don't want me? What kind of a - "  
  
"Lina, shhhh..." It was his turn to put a finger to her lips, though with the way Lina's eyes were filled with suppressed ire it was a wonder she did not bite the digit off. This was also not the time to point out that she had been the one to kiss him, though he had definitely enjoyed it, even if it was a little rough. "Easy Lina, don't jump to any conclusions yet, okay? Just listen... How could you think I don't want you? Because I do, I want you, I want you so much, and that's why you should go. Just go back to the room, and think along the way if this is really what you want. I'll come along in a little while when you've had a chance to think. And if you have to change your mind, that's okay, I'm yours anyway Lina, always. Don't feel you have to..."  
  
"I'm not going to change my mind," Lina told him, the firmness of her tone offset by her omnipresent blush. "But I guess it would be better if we carried on somewhere a bit more private. Okay... ummm... See you in a bit..." Shyness had overcome her usual confidence and she looked so cutely flustered it was all Gourry could do not to take her in his arms again, but he allowed her to escape, which she did, very quickly, leaving him time for one last observation.  
  
The view from the back was nearly as cute as the view from the front.  
  
  
  
Gourry got dressed in a daze, and found himself before the door to their room with no clear memory of how he had found his way there. He wouldn't have even been sure this was the right room, since everything pretty much looked the same, except for one critical difference.  
  
There was singing coming from within. Lina's.  
  
  
~The silver boat floating in the night sky  
is rocking along the waves of love and hate.  
My small breast is burning  
And my heart is flying towards you.~  
  
  
The sound of her laughter stopped him when he would have knocked. "Small? We're not so small anymore, are we? So he'd better be appreciative or he's getting a fireball where the sun doesn't shine..."  
  
The swordsman frowned. Apparently Lina had taken his teasing a lot closer to heart that he had expected... But what was a little teasing between friends, especially when she was always calling him a jellyfish? He had thought she understood, he had certainly learned during his time as a mercenary that trading friendly insults was the way among comrades in arms - and the lower the blow, the higher the esteem and respect and friendship behind it. But then... he hadn't exactly realized at the time where his feelings were heading - that this girl he scrapped with over food and just about everything else would end up being so much more than a companion, but someone who would steal his heart as easily as she fireballed bandits for their ill-gotten loot.  
  
No matter what her destructive capacity, or the fact that she could beat him up with one hand tied behind her back, Lina was still a girl, and while he didn't think she would appreciate it if he started treating her differently, he was definitely going to show her in no uncertain terms that she was also perfect to him in every way.  
  
If she still wanted him.  
  
He knocked the door, and it became very quiet inside the room, so quiet that suddenly it seemed he could hear the pounding of his own heart, each beat slowing down the passage of time, until finally he heard the snick of the door being unlocked.  
  
The door swung inwards just slightly, and Gourry pushed it open the rest of the way, stepping inside and locking the door again before turning around.  
  
Lina stood across the room, wearing the same amount of clothing she had worn in the baths, which is to say nothing. She had an arm across her breasts, and a hand lower down, and an expression of defiance in her eyes that belied the shy gesture, daring him to look, or to look away - though at this point either one appeared equally dangerous. "I haven't changed my mind." And then, she uncovered herself, stilted movements that betrayed her nervousness though she didn't lower her gaze from his as her arms came to rest by her sides, her fingers twitching restlessly. "So..." she asked in a small voice, "am I the most beautiful sorcery genius in the world?"  
  
Gourry didn't speak for long moments - he was too busy savouring the privilege she had accorded him. Then he smiled. "So, am I the stupidest jellyfish swordsman in the world?"  
  
He had meant it to be a joke, something to lighten the mood which had gotten way too tense suddenly, but it seemed to fall flat as Lina's eyes hardened, sparking like flint struck with steel. She started advancing towards him, the fire growing brighter in her eyes, and he thought he could see her lips move, and a faint, shimmering something gathering in one of her hands.  
  
The swordsman took a step back, and then another, this had to be some horrible dream, some nasty joke the universe was playing on him. "Now Lina..." He continued to back up until he connected solidly with the wood of the door, and his eyes grew wide as dinner plates as he realized this was the end.  
  
Or was it? For the destructive sorceress, the dra-mata, the Enemy of All Who Lived, had stopped in front of him, and moreover, she was *smiling*?! "You might be," she said, "if you don't kiss me right now."  
  
And so he did. She was giggling as he pressed his lips to hers, and he drank first her laughter, and then her moans of pleasure into himself, savouring them like the finest wine, awed beyond words, beyond his capability to express or understand, that Lina Inverse, the most amazing woman who had ever lived, was letting herself become part of him. 


	18. The first lemon

Hi everyone - I just wanted to let you know that the newest Chapter has been posted, but it will not be appearing here. As it is a lemon (strong sexual content) I posted it separately under the NC-17 rating since I didn't want the rating of this story to go up any higher.  
  
For those who are interested, you can find it here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=896274  
  
Otherwise, the story will pick up right here with the morning after of L/G's first time, and many more hair-raising adventures. 


	19. Moonlight Reflections

Author's Notes:  
  
Thanks to Kaitrin for doing a wonderful beta job again. :)  
  
I'm warning you in advance there are references to post-coital cleanup. ;) But nothing really graphic.  
  
And on another note, to give credit where credit is due, a while back I was RPing on an anime MU* and I got into a conversation with the person playing Lina at the time who had some interesting notions about the effects of black magic on the human body. Her opinions made so much sense to me that I incorporated them here, and actually stretched them a bit further. You will see what I'm talking about if you read on.  
_____________________________  
  
  
Lina felt a completeness like she had never known as she rested in Gourry's arms. His whole body was sheltering hers, his head resting on her chest, the silk of his hair tangled in her fingers as she stroked it absently.  
  
It had been so wonderful, an indescribable ecstasy she had never thought she could find outside the realm of magic. She had been so very wrong. She had shattered, could still feel the pieces of herself, broken into a million fragments and trying to reunite. The experience had been unimaginable, it had swept through her, consumed her, left her not able to do much more than lie there and shaken by the experience which had been, in its own way, as powerful as the first time she had cast the Dragon Slave.  
  
How had she gone so long without this? Suddenly it all began to make sense, those days where nothing was going right, when she yelled at Gourry constantly, or fought with him, when everything he did made her frustrated though she couldn't understand why. It had been because she had needed something she hadn't entirely understood, because she had needed this. With him.  
  
Purring like a contented cat, her lazy lover finally lifted himself from her body, disentangling their limbs before rolling onto his side and gathering her against him.  
  
They lay together in companionable silence, broken every once in a while with a blissful sigh. Lina had never felt so relaxed in all her life, until...  
  
Gourry bolted upright in bed with an incoherent exclamation of dismay, smacking himself in the forehead. He sat there for a moment, and Lina recognized the typical (and adorable when he wasn't pissing her off) dumbfounded expression he generally got when an idea or concept finally made its way through his thick skull. "Uh oh," he breathed, a little more succinctly. "Ummmm Lina? I think we have a problem..."  
  
The sorceress sat up very slowly and regarded her companion. "What sort of problem?"  
  
"Well, ummm, you know how what we just did can make babies, right?"  
  
"Right..."  
  
"Well, I just remembered I was supposed to pull out before I... you know... and... I... kinda, ummm, forgot?" He cringed and phrased his fearful admission like a question as if that would somehow lessen the severity of her retribution.  
  
"Oh that..." She flopped back on the bed as Gourry did a double-take, obviously expecting severe pain. "It's no big deal. It could have been a problem, I guess, if I wasn't the greatest sorcery genius in the world." She knew the irony in her tone was there, though the big man probably missed it. In fact, she would bet anything that his first thought would be...  
  
"There are spells for that stuff?" Gourry asked, wide eyed.  
  
"Well, yeah... but I don't need any." Lina really hoped he'd just drop the subject right there.  
  
"Now Lina... my brother told me it only takes one time. Did I mention I was an uncle?"  
  
Lina smacked herself in the face. "Maybe, but... it's different for sorceresses like me who use a lot of black magic."  
  
"I don't get it."  
  
"Black magic kills stuff, right? Well, a little here and there doesn't do too much, but when you use high level black magic like the Dragon Slave, a little stays behind inside you... And a baby's life can't get started with all that dark energy around. It just won't happen."  
  
There was a moment of silence as Gourry processed the information. "So you can't have a baby?"  
  
"I... don't really know." She remembered so many years ago, when as a girl of ten she had cast the Dragon Slave for the first time. Up until that point her parents had been supportive of her magical training, figuring she had better be instructed in the ways of properly using her talent in order to curb her destructive tendencies. She had been sent to a Sorcery Academy to be formally instructed, and Luna, who had been born with an even greater natural talent than Lina, and an actual sense of control the younger Inverse lacked, had supplemented her education with some of her own experience.  
  
Lina had excelled, learning in the space of one year what typical students acquired in three or four, but despite her progress, she felt her training held her back, putting too much emphasis on ethics and control, and not enough on the good stuff, the spells themselves. So she had studied a little more on her own, picking magical locks on the school's vaults of more arcane lore, and had learned the famed Dragon Slave.  
  
It had been so very hard to hold off casting it until she was safely away from the school. But, as she quickly found, there was no really safe place to cast the Dragon Slave.  
  
Her first attempt had taken out more than an acre of forest, utterly terrifying the townspeople, mortifying her parents, and sending Luna into a righteous fury. It had taken her a long time to live that down, not to mention recover from the bruises her sister had inflicted trying to help Lina to understand the problem with what she had done.  
  
The lecture had been long and full of moral recriminations, as Luna's lectures typically were, but one dire warning had stood out from the rest. "There's a reason they don't want sorcerers casting powerful black magic before they're adults, let alone before they reach puberty. Or did you even think of that, Miss-Know-It-All? You're calling on dark lords for the power to cancel life and you're channelling that force through your body - do you have any idea what that stuff does to you? You haven't grown yet, do you want to stay short like that forever? Do you want people looking at you when you're my age and thinking you're a little girl, or maybe even a little boy, because your body never changed? Do you want to be able to have kids some day?"  
  
"I don't know," Lina had admitted to the last.  
  
"Well you'd better decide before you start casting any more spells like that, or you're going to make a mistake even bigger than this and I won't be able to come along and clean it up for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got another debt to work off..."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
Lina could still remember Luna, standing there in her frilly yellow waitress uniform, somehow making the frippery look menacing, her long violet bangs blowing in the breeze, now and then revealing glimpses of the crimson eyes she shared with her younger sister. It would have been easier to take if those eyes had been filled with contempt, but it was far worse than that, for they held pity, and a disappointment Lina felt sure she could never lift. "You're a merchant's daughter, Lina, same as I am... do you think Mom and Dad actually make enough money to send you to that fancy school of yours? And now you've gone and blown up most of the forest that the people of this town have depended on for firewood and hunting for generations. Some people don't have it so easy Lina, this place," Luna spread her arms, indicating the charred devastation, the gleaming, black glass nexus at its centre, "was their livelihood. No one is asking for repayment because you're still a child, but I'm going to do what I can and earn some money to keep those people from starving or freezing to death come winter. Thanks to what you did today, I'm probably going to be working as a waitress for the rest of my life."  
  
Even now she rolled her eyes at the martyred speech. What else could she have expected of the Knight of Ceiphied, and furthermore the apple of their parents' eye. Luna was always so perfect, she always tried to do the right thing, and usually succeeded. It seemed as if she could do no wrong. Everyone loved and admired her, no one feared her, except for Lina herself.  
  
She had tried to make up for her transgressions, but it seemed nothing Lina could do would ever be good enough. Even before this incident, nothing she had done had ever been good enough, but at least then she had still been able to hope that she could do something that would make her family proud of her. Something that would make them see she was more than just the one in Luna's shadow...  
  
"Lina?" Gourry asked. "You got really quiet there."  
  
She forced thoughts of her older sister down.  
  
"Just thinking... If I wanted a baby I'd have to find a really safe place to stay so I could give up using magic for a while." Lina had done more research into the topic on her own, not wanting to endure another one of Luna's lectures. Yes, it was dangerous to use black magic so young, and the dark powers had a limiting effect on a sorceress' fertility. Some had managed to have children by avoiding any magic use, sometimes for up to a year or more before they could conceive, let alone carry a baby to full term. At the time the thought of children had been so far away it didn't seem to matter, and the whole concept of the act that would bring them into the world had not sounded especially fun. But now she wasn't so sure on the first count, and had definitely changed her mind when it had come to the second. "Someday, maybe..."  
  
"I'd be there," Gourry said, "I'd protect you and the mini Dragon Spooker." He said it with such feeling that Lina couldn't bring herself to beat him for using her hated epithet.  
  
"I bet you would, Jellyfish," she answered with a fond smile.   
  
"And if it happens that you... err, if it ends up you were wrong..."  
  
Lina clenched her teeth. "I'm not wrong."  
  
"I know, but if you were..." Gourry whispered. "I'd be there too."  
  
It all felt so strange, so perfect to think of him however many years down the road, still at her side. She needed him. It was that simple. Lina had never needed anyone before. She had no idea what it would mean to her, but... what had Sandra said? 'You will learn to live with these strange new feelings' - not that there was much of a choice. There was no cure. And Gourry... he didn't even know. Oh gods.   
  
Her eyes squeezed shut as a single tear escaped, falling unbidden, tracing the side of her cheek before disappearing into her hair. He didn't know. The poor guy, he was so dense he probably thought he had felt this way all along, and she had acted on her feelings without even telling him. The fact that he was probably as helpless to fight it as she was did nothing to assuage her guilt. She would tell him.  
  
"I love you," Gourry whispered settling back down and pulling her against him. "I've always loved you."  
  
Lina bit her lip, and squeezed her legs together tightly, trying to soothe the ache of emptiness he had left. She would tell him. Tomorrow.  
  
Slowly the candles burned down as she listened to Gourry's breathing slow, becoming deep and even. It was a long time before she joined him in slumber.  
  
  
  
"Lina..." The sound of her name finally pierced her sleeping mind, though she had been distantly aware of it for some time. Someone obviously wanted her attention, and had no intention of leaving her alone until she woke, so at last she struggled towards consciousness with an irritable groan. If this wasn't very important, someone was going to learn the hard way that they should let sleeping sorceresses lie.  
  
"Huh?" Blearily she rubbed her eyes and looked around the room. The candles had burned themselves out, and only a thin sliver of moonlight from a high, slotted window pierced the gloom. Beside her, Gourry dozed. Then who had called her?  
  
"Lina!" The anguished plea of her sleeping bed-mate answered her question.  
  
"Must be having a nightmare," Lina thought, sitting up and casting a light spell.  
  
Gourry wasn't moving, but the expression on his face was one that Lina had never seen, sad and afraid at once. "Lina..." His head moved restlessly on the pillow. "Lina... what are you doing there? Why won't you answer me, Lina?"  
  
"I'm here," Lina swallowed around a strange feeling tightening in her throat, and brushed a strand of sunbeam hair back away from his face. "I'm here, it's just a bad dream."  
  
"Lina!" Suddenly Gourry shot upward in the bed, cold sweat breaking out all over his body, eyes wide and white with terror. He slumped as he realized he was awake, and took in great ragged gasps of air as if he had been underwater for a long time and close to drowning. He sat there, breathing hard, slowly coming back to the world, shaking visibly. Lina wondered what he could have seen to leave him so unsettled. He had been calling her name.  
  
The shadows cast by her lighting spell played over his body, creating deep wounds of darkness in his cheeks and ribs, taking away all the strength he normally exuded, leaving him hollow and gaunt, almost frail, a shadow himself.   
  
Gourry was so much bigger than she was, so much stronger, physically. He could carry her on his shoulders as if she weighed no more than a feather; he could carry her in his arms for hours without tiring. Lost inside the raw places within her that she kept carefully hidden, in the grottos of the soul where her emotions ran so deep that she seldom dared let her thoughts touch them, she had always known what the man before her was. For when she had dreamed of princes in her girlish fantasies they had all been like him: proud and golden, with eyes that were clear and pure, and shone with the light of the soul within.  
  
Like the prince from her dreams, Gourry had always seemed so strong. He was her protector in a way that was far more complicated than strength or steel. It had always seemed like nothing could touch him, that he could stand against a storm without flinching, that he could endure anything.  
  
Lina had never seen Gourry the way he looked now: his face etched with unnamed fear and a confusion he seemed desperately trying to pierce. For the first time, Gourry seemed... vulnerable.  
  
Unfamiliar emotions rose within her, welled up from the deep liquid inside of her most dangerous places. Primal emotions, they were wrapping around her soul, clenching her heart in a fist, their power overwhelming. Though she did not move, she felt every part of her yearning towards Gourry, seeing a need in him that terrified her, called out to her.  
  
Why did she hesitate? She had already done unspeakable things for this man, risked the death of the entire world. She knew with grim certainty, straight down to her bones, that she would kill in any way possible whatsoever it was that tried to harm him or take him from her.   
  
Was it so different, really, to protect him from physically tangible threats or to shelter his spirit from the moments of fear and doubt that everyone faced? She had taken him into her body, why was she struggling with the notion of taking him into her arms? Simple, because the one had been walking across a narrow bridge, the other was throwing herself off the bridge and into the chasm it spanned, not knowing if she would ever reach bottom, or would go on falling forever.  
  
Passion had been easier than she had thought it would be, a little too easy, child of the fire within her, kin to her anger, her spirit and her magic. She had taken some comfort from the fact that it didn't have to mean anything, even though she knew all too well that it had meant everything.  
  
She needed him. Try as she might to dismiss it, the conclusion slapped her in the face again and again. She needed Gourry, and as much as she needed his warmth, his companionship, his touch, she needed to give him the same in return and have her gift accepted.  
  
That was what frightened Lina most of all.  
  
This conclusion reached in an eternity of seconds was no comfort to her. The physical loss of her innocence seemed incidental compared to the knowledge that her emotional innocence had been swept away even before that, borne on a tide of love, anger, fear and pain, all because of the man who sat before her.  
  
What could she do?  
  
She rose onto her knees and gathered Gourry against her, resting her chin against his hair and feeling his arms come around her waist, holding her tightly. "It was just a dream, silly," she told the swordsman, rocking him gently as if he were no more than a child, instead of a grown man twice her size. "Everything's gonna be okay."  
  
He sighed, his moist breath tickling her skin, and she stroked his hair, feeling its softness under her fingertips. They remained together, contentedly, and Lina felt her eyes slipping closed again, lulled by his warmth and closeness more than she would care to admit. It felt so good just to hold him.  
  
"What does it mean when you have the same dream three times?" Gourry asked after a long silence during which Lina had been certain he was going to fall asleep rather than tell her what had been troubling him. Just the mere fact that he could remember having had a dream before was somewhat surprising to her.  
  
"Well..." Lina released him and settled back in the bed, looking at him searchingly, wondering what that big, supposedly empty head of his really held. Every now and then he really could surprise her.   
  
"Our dreams tell us things," she began carefully, being sure to pause at appropriate intervals to give him time to absorb the information. Getting information into Gourry's head was like getting wine into a wineskin - it had do be done slowly and deliberately to avoid spills. She hazarded a glance at her 'pupil', expecting to have to whack him to refocus his errant concentration, but instead his eyes were clear and fixed. Was he actually *paying attention*? "It can be as simple as something that's bothering us, something that we don't want to admit, or it can be really weird, silly things that just make no sense, just our mind sorting through things that happened to us. But sometimes people will have dreams that mean something even more important, sometimes dreams can be messages."  
  
Gourry shuddered. "Don't tell me that, Lina."  
  
She shrugged, but inside she felt a twinge. "Why not? It's only what I've been told."  
  
"But..." The swordsman shifted his weight a little, rubbing at his eyes as though trying to wipe an unknown vision from them. "You just said dreams are really weird, so how do you know? How do you know what the message is trying to say?"  
  
Lina edged a little closer and slipped her arm around his shoulders - it still felt awkward and silly to be doing that, but he looked so lost that she couldn't help herself. "Maybe you should just tell me about your dream and we can figure it out together."  
  
The blonde raked his hands through his hair. "It doesn't make any sense, Lina. I keep having this dream, and each time I have it, I see just a little more. It's you. You're the only thing I see in my dream. I'm coming towards you, and you're stretched out on the ground. I want to see you and make sure you're okay, but I can't, it's like something is stopping me, holding me back. I can see your boots, and then your legs, and then just a bit further, but I always wake up before I see all of you. I feel afraid, and sick every time I have the dream. It feels like something awful is going to happen, but it doesn't tell me anything about what it could be."  
  
"Maybe it's just a dream," Lina offered. "I had a dream about losing you after Phibrizzo had captured you."  
  
"And what happened?"  
  
Lina couldn't tell whether Gourry was joking, or whether he really didn't remember, but he looked so serious that she didn't feel right yelling at him the way she might have. She elbowed him playfully instead. "Silly, what do you think? You're sitting here beside me now." The sorceress frowned and drew up her knees. "I mean, I guess it's pretty easy to say now, but I thought..." /Why am I telling him all this?/ She paused and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment against a sudden rise of new emotion. Was this how it was going to be from now on? It seemed like she had let one little thing through her armour and now cracks were appearing all over the place.  
  
"You thought?"   
  
Lina sighed heavily, sending the wisps of her bangs dancing. Argh! Trust Gourry to get fixated on a topic just when she would have been glad of a little vacuous blonde inattention. "I thought I might never see you again." The words came out in a rush, much as her breath had, as if maybe if she said them fast enough they would be gone before he could hear them. "...that maybe my luck had run out, but after everything was over, I woke up in your arms."  
  
"You told me that I stole your innocence."   
  
Lina blinked in astonishment. Whoa. He did remember some of that. Of course a blush was not far behind. "Well, I was kind of, you know... everyone *saw* us," she finished lamely, the excuse she had been making to herself all along sounding especially dumb now that it was actually spoken aloud. Yes, it sounded silly, but it was still the way she had felt. Maybe she even still felt that way...  
  
/I guess I really didn't think this through,/ she admitted to herself. But there really hadn't been another choice. She *had* wanted him. Badly. She had not even realized how much she had wanted him until he had touched her, and set her, mind, body, soul, on fire. That and her near miss with the bandits had scared her. If she was going to have a new experience, it was going to be on her terms, dammit. So she had done it. And it had been everything she had hoped, and more. Lying in Gourry's arms, discovering new feelings as they explored each other, she hadn't even thought of what she had nearly lost, except for a brief moment, and then her wonderful protector had done what he had always done with anything that had threatened her safety or happiness, he had made it all go away.  
  
"So, what are we going to do now?"  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Now that it's true," Gourry whispered quietly. "Are you going to pretend it didn't happen, or fireball me if I try to show the world how I feel?"  
  
Ouch. That hit a little too close to home. For a guy with the brains of a jellyfish he sure knew her well. "I... I guess that wouldn't be fair. I mean, you can't exactly be blamed for stealing something when it was given to you."  
  
"Huh?" Gourry scratched his head. "What did I steal?"  
  
"MY INNOCENCE!" Lina found herself shouting, and then shrank back into the covers, realizing that it was probably not the best thing to announce in the dead of night while the rest of the known world slept. She took a deep breath and began again, more patiently. "I was saying that you didn't steal my innocence because I *gave it to you*. Understand?"  
  
"Right," Gourry nodded. "Innocence. Got it."  
  
"Right," Lina agreed, "now that that's settled..."  
  
"It is?" Gourry looked really confused this time. "I must have missed that part. What did we decide?"  
  
Lina was tempted to make up a story, but she sighed, defeated. "Okay, we didn't... I just... don't know what to do right now."  
  
"Well, I just want to know, Lina, because I don't want to pretend to be just your friend now, when in my heart I feel so much more. It was so good to be able to finally show you how I feel. I don't want to give that up because you're scared that someone might know that you feel close to someone."  
  
A pang of guilt swept through her again. "Gourry, there's something I need to tell you."  
  
Something in her voice must have alerted him to be wary, because Lina could see the tension suddenly go up a notch in the swordsman's frame. He lifted his gaze to hers searchingly, and Lina felt her heart cramp in her chest. "Don't do this, Lina," he begged her softly. "I can see the look in your eyes, you're planning something, and it scares me because I can't fight you like this. You're always going to win."  
  
"It's not about winning," Lina whispered, "it's about being honest with each other. I'm afraid that I wasn't really honest with you. There was something very important that I never told you." She covered her face rubbing at it hard as though she could wipe away the blush infusing her cheeks. Her heart pounded, and she debated the wisdom of what she was about to say countless times as Gourry waited for her to speak again. "I'm in love with you..." she murmured into her hands, hoping the words would be muffled enough that she could have a clear conscience about telling him without him actually understanding the dreadful implications.  
  
Hands still pressed against her face, she peered anxiously out between her fingers to see how he reacted. The impact of her words would have been breathtaking under other circumstances, first the mute shock, and then the slow dawning realization widening his eyes and sending a smile to light up his already beautiful face. "But that's... Lina, you love me...?"  
  
Lina nodded, biting her lip. "But... it's not so simple." And she went on to explain about the letter from Sandra, and the fact that their feelings were the product of the potion. Gourry listened to her words without speaking or asking a single question - she might have wondered if he was truly understanding what she was saying, if it was not for the growing hardness in his eyes as her explanation went on.  
  
"It's not like there's much we can do, really, but... you deserved to know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I..."  
  
"No!" Gourry's fist slammed into the mattress, startling her.  
  
Lina stared at the crater left in the ticking with wide eyes, her mind trying to grasp his sudden vehemence. Gourry had never lashed out like this. "...No?" she repeated, trying to understand.  
  
"No, I don't believe you!" The swordsman clarified, his eyes steel, his breath harsh. "C'mon, Lina, you're smarter than me, is this lame story the best you can do?!"  
  
"It's not a story, jellyfish," Lina replied patiently. "Here, I'll prove it." She left the bed and went to her pack, nestled in a corner, and rummaged through it, looking for the bag of tea and the note she had kept within. The whole bag was empty before she realized. "It's not there."  
  
"What's not there?"  
  
"The tea Sandra gave me."  
  
"That junk?" Gourry's tone was as fierce as his eyes. "It's not there because I threw it out."  
  
Lina felt the sudden wave of fury engulf her, and didn't know which to be more angry at - that he had thrown out her belongings without asking or that he had unwittingly disposed of the evidence she needed. She took a deep breath and let it out, then another, and only the thinnest margin kept her from fireballing him then and there. "The note was in there." The words were clipped out from between her clenched teeth. "And *why* did you throw out my things without *asking*?"  
  
"Because I thought if I asked you'd want to keep it," was the swordsman's infuriating answer.  
  
"Duh! It was mine!" Lina shook with the strain of suppressing her anger, but Gourry showed no signs of backing down.  
  
"It was also what you were drinking when you got sick, Lina, and you nearly died!" A soul-deep strain of anguish cut through the anger in his tone, razor sharp.  
  
"That had nothing to do with me getting sick, it just happened!?! And don't you *dare* touch my things again without asking! I keep the stuff that belongs to me until I decide I want to get rid of it, okay!?"  
  
"Well, it sounds like you want to get rid of me!" The heat of Gourry's words surprised them both.  
  
Lina felt her heart skip a beat in sudden panic - how had they gotten onto such dangerous ground? What had she done? "Gourry..."  
  
"I'm not letting you do this, Lina!" Gourry told her, in a tone that would accept no argument. "You tried and you tried to keep me away, but then it looked like you finally got as tired of this I was and you let me in! I'm not letting you give that up, and I won't be pushed away ever again. The Lina Inverse I know isn't scared of anything - why should she be so damn scared of falling in love?!" The swordsman threw back the covers and stalked to his backpack, and Lina felt none of the exhilaration she normally found when they fought. Every line of his magnificent body was tense as he yanked out his travelling clothes and dressed briskly, then tugged on his boots.  
  
Where was he going? "Gourry, I..."  
  
"Not now, Lina, I need some air." With some relief she saw him grab a spare key before he let himself out. She heard the key turn as he re-locked the door, the sound as jarring to her as if he had slammed it.  
  
She sat, staring at the closed door, feeling an ache in her chest that refused to be swallowed down. /I'm not going to cry over that stupid bait-for-brains, I'm not!/ The nerve of him, accusing her of trying to push him away when she was only trying to tell him the truth.  
  
But was that really all she had been trying to do?  
  
The sorceress lay back down, burrowing into the warm spot Gourry had left and grabbing his pillow, hugging it fiercely. There was no point in thinking anymore, she was just going to sleep this whole thing out. Lina squirmed a little... the warm spot was also slightly... damp.  
  
Her cheeks flared fireball red as she realized that was where they must have... Umm, yes. Gingerly she peeled back the top sheet, morbidly curious despite her embarrassment. She would have missed it if she hadn't been looking, a faint smear of telltale pink. Luna had explained to her that some girls bled their first time, but it usually wasn't as much as men were traditionally led to think, unless the guy happened to be a totally selfish idiot in bed. Luna had also said that some girls didn't bleed at all - especially if they were as physically active as Lina, so the trace she could see was a bit surprising. Of course Gourry was a big guy...  
  
Thoughts of jellyfish brought the swirl of emotions back full force, and also... come to think of it, she did feel a bit... sticky, and perhaps a touch sore.  
  
She got out of bed and went to the washstand, splashed a little water into the bowl, got a cloth and sponged herself off before applying the briefest of healings. There, that was better, but she didn't feel much like sleeping anymore.  
  
/Stupid jellyfish.../  
  
Lina went to her knapsack and pulled out a few trail bars, stuffing them into her mouth and chewing irritably as she stared at the bed they had so recently occupied.  
  
Was he stupid? He had gotten upset with her, yes, but was that really so strange when she had basically told him that their feelings weren't real? What would she have done if the situations were reversed? Thoughts of a light tempura batter and a pot filled with boiling oil set her giggling unexpectedly, and she found herself softening. /Yeah, I guess I would have fried him good. Having him tell me some story about us not really being in love after I gave myself to him totally.../  
  
Lina felt her throat thicken again - the trail bars had tasted like ashes to begin with, and now they were more like gravel as she swallowed the remnants down. She crossed to the bed, sitting down hard as the realization set in. Without any real proof, she had to admit the story must have sounded pretty hard to believe. /You know... could it... maybe I really hurt him by saying that./  
  
She swiped angrily at filling eyes. Nah, he was too dumb to be hurt!   
  
"The Lina Inverse I know isn't scared of anything," Gourry had shouted, "why should she be so damn scared of falling in love?!"  
  
/Too dumb to be hurt? Yeah, and only a real dummy could have figured something like *that* out/, a sarcastic voice in her mind shot back. /Whatever he doesn't know, he *knows* you./  
  
/I'm not scared of falling in love!/  
  
/Aren't you?/  
  
/Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!/ Lina hit herself in the head a few times until the voices quieted. She did *not* feel like dealing with this just now.  
  
Well, Gourry had gone off to get some air... Maybe she would just go and have another try at the baths. Hot steamy water was just the thing for flagging spirits.  
  
Decision made, Lina pulled on the dress she had worn earlier, and hung the room key around her neck.  
  
She stopped just long enough to slip into some sandals and pulled open the door - only to trip straight over a very large jellyfish speed bump wedged into the doorframe. With a shout of dismay, she saw the floor come up to meet her, but her descent was halted as a pair of strong hands grasped her waist, helping her regain her balance.  
  
"What the hell - !?" Lina began angrily, the adrenaline of her near miss setting her already jangling nerves on edge. "I thought you were going to get some, air huh? What kind of stupid air are you going to get in a hallway, yoghurt head?"  
  
Still seated in the doorway, Gourry looked up at her, blue eyes peeking coyly from beneath the wheat gold fronds of his bangs. "I thought I wanted to do that, but then I thought it wasn't a good idea for me to leave you when we were both still upset. I didn't want you to come out here and think I was gone away for good."  
  
"I wouldn't think that!" Lina snapped. /Yeah, just like you weren't going to cry about it in there.../  
  
Slowly, Gourry got to his feet, and stood looking down at her. She could still see the hurt and confusion in his eyes, but as he continued to examine her his expression softened into affection, as if just looking at her could make him forgive anything. She trembled as he placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her into his embrace again. It felt so warm, so good, and so right... why was she still so confused? "You're not going to scare me away, Lina. You might as well get used to it."  
  
She pulled away after far longer than her dignity would have liked, and far shorter than any other part of her preferred. How had she gone from the heights of passion, to the depths of despair, and now, to a bittersweet place somewhere in between? "Gourry..."  
  
"Shhhh..." he placed a finger against her lips, then guided her back inside the room. "Let's just get some sleep." He picked her up in his arms again and carried her back towards the bed, setting her down on the mattress again before stripping out of his clothes and joining her.  
  
Lina couldn't find it in herself to fight him as he pulled her close and held her in his arms, as he whispered to her gently that everything would be alright, just as she had done for him. She hadn't undressed herself, but the moment was too fragile for her to contemplate disturbing it right now.  
  
She had a last thought before a restless sleep claimed her for the remainder of the night. If this was the effect of a love induced by a potion, then the gods help those who stumbled into the emotion all by themselves. 


	20. Just when you thought it was safe

Author's Note: Another part for you guys, and again, a big thank you to Kaitrin for the beta read, and to everyone for their comments and reviews. :)  
  
________________________  
  
  
Despite his interrupted sleep and the excitement of the night before, Gourry woke first the next day. For a long time he just lay there, reluctant to disturb Lina, who was cuddled against his side, one slender arm thrown possessively across his chest. She was clutching a strand of his hair in her fingers, as if to make doubly sure he would not go anywhere.  
  
Yesterday morning he'd had no idea that that the day would end the way it had, with him and Lina together in every way possible. They'd done it, they'd made love. It had been scary at first as he tried to do things right, and get Lina relaxed enough to enjoy everything, but after a few tense moments things had gotten a whole lot better. 'Better' was an understatement, but it was hard to come up with words powerful enough to describe what it had been like.  
  
What came afterward had been the really scary part. His chest tightened again at the remembered pain as Lina first got him to lower his guard by admitting that she loved him, only to use that opening to drive home a crippling blow, telling him all those incredible feelings were supposed to be the result of some dumb 'potion'. Maybe she wasn't trying to hurt him, but if their conversation yesterday had been a sword fight, it would have found him stretched out dead on the floor in a pool of his own heart's blood.  
  
Which was what it had felt like anyway.  
  
He didn't know whether it made it better or worse that, even though he had accused Lina of making up the story to push him away, she seemed like she believed what she was saying. She was a good liar, a little too good, but whatever her mouth said, her body had never lied to him.   
  
When they had made love, her reactions could not have been more honest, she had given him the gift of herself, and her pleasure in what they had done. Could a potion have made all that possible? Gourry didn't know much about magic, or the powers of plants and herbs and other 'mystical stuff', but it was hard to believe everything had come from nothing but that.  
  
"I do trust you," she had said to him, "that's why we're here." They had been travelling together for over four years now. They had been through so much together, and he knew Lina had trusted him before this, just as he had trusted her. With his life. Something like that didn't happen overnight. They were friends, now more than friends, but for him it had been a lot more than friendship for a long time. Potion or not, he loved her.  
  
But if he felt like that, then maybe...  
  
"YES!" A surge of joy propelled him upwards, only he had forgotten Lina's grasp on his hair, so his shout of triumph quickly turned to a muffled expletive of pain.  
  
Lina herself awoke with a surprised screech, and gazed at him balefully, making him realize that perhaps he should have been a little more discreet in his happiness. Still, he was so pleased that her menacing look did nothing to deter him.   
  
"I've got it, Lina!" he exclaimed.  
  
"What you've got is a fireball coming to you if you don't explain why you had to shout like a deranged baboon in my ear," muttered the sorceress, who was even less of a morning person than he had previously thought. "I was sleeping, in case you didn't notice."  
  
"But I know!" He had reached a conclusion all by himself and he was so proud he could hardly contain it. "I know! It can't be a potion that made us fall in love because I loved you before we ever met Sandra!"  
  
"Oh." He saw the heat diffuse across the bridge of Lina's nose, blotting out the nearly translucent dusting of freckles that kissed her skin with a faint hue of cinnamon. He hadn't known what to expect from her reaction, but it wasn't a one syllable comment.  
  
He saw her rub hard at her eyes. "Are you sure?" Lina asked in a small voice, "I mean, you didn't do anything until after we had been to visit Sandra. You didn't say anything and it's almost two years since..."  
  
Was she thinking what he thought she was thinking? "Almost two years since..."  
  
"...since..."  
  
"...you kissed me," they finished at once, and stared at each other mutely.  
  
"You remember?"   
  
Again they were in synch and Lina looked away, the flush across her cheeks deepening. He reached out, cupping her chin and guiding her face back. "Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"I don't know..." she admitted, "the time never seemed right, I guess. I didn't think you remembered either."  
  
"Lina, I forget a lot of things, but I would never forget something like that... it just..." He swallowed. "I mean, you clobbered me so it was kinda obvious, or at least it sure looked like you wanted me to forget... And I would do anything for you, anything you wanted... Even..." He paused, biting his lip, not wanting to say what he was going to say next, even though he knew it was true. "...even forget last night if that's what you needed... I don't want to go back to the way things were, but I can as long as I can still be with you. That's how much I love you, Lina."  
  
"I..." Lina ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "I don't think I want that... but... Gourry, do you really think it wasn't a potion?"  
  
He stared at her.  
  
In true red-headed fashion, her temper spiked at his poor reaction time. "Argh, what am I doing using your name and 'think' in the same sentence anyway?"   
  
He put a hand on her arm to let her know he had been paying attention and tried to hide a smile - sometimes Lina could be so cute when she was mad. "You know, I *can* think, Lina..." he pointed out, teasingly, "just, sometimes it takes me a while. And yes, I don't think it was a potion at all." This was where he cursed his slower thoughts. If he wasn't careful, Lina would explain circles around him again before he could make her understand. Sometimes he wished that she could just see inside his head, and know for sure that it wasn't *all* yoghurt in there, even if there was a little clogging the gears... He didn't have a hope of out-witting Lina, but maybe he could still convince her if he didn't let her overcomplicate things. There was no proof that there had been the potion, but there were several facts which both of them could agree on. "Why did you kiss me that day?"  
  
"Welllll..." the sorceress drew out the word as though trying to prolong the inevitable, "Sandra's letter said the potion was irreversible... so I thought I might as well enjoy it..."  
  
Gourry grinned. "Well, that's interesting, but I meant before that..."  
  
Lina traced her fingers in the sheets, a thoughtful frown creasing her brow, then looked up and idly smacked him upside the head. "Hey, *you* kissed *me* that time! What kind of a girl do you take me for anyway?"  
  
The swordsman only chuckled at the blow, which earned him another - she wasn't putting much strength into it, and that's why he was laughing, because he knew it was Lina's old way of being affectionate. "Okay, okay, why do you think that kiss happened?"  
  
"Well... I thought I was going to lose you, and then instead I lost... myself... but then I came back, and you were there and it seemed..."  
  
"...right," he finished. "It seemed right, didn't it?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"And you liked it. I know I did."  
  
"What are you getting at?"  
  
"You're the smart one, Lina, you figure it out."  
  
"You think I loved you anyway."  
  
"Why did you stay with me once I gave back the Sword of Light?"  
  
"Well, you lost it because of me and I figured I owed it to you to help you find a new..."  
  
"Right right right... they would've come to get the sword from me even if we'd never met each other. I'm not going to force you to say something you're not ready to say, but I'll be here when you're ready."  
  
Lina flopped back on the bed. "But why... why would Sandra tell me there was a potion when there wasn't one?"  
  
Gourry frowned. That was a good question, but deep down he knew it was already settled, he had felt it when Lina was in his arms. She had come to him, trusted him... he would just have to be patient with her. But he would have never had that chance at all if something had happened to her, and that too, seemed to be connected with Sandra somehow. "And why," he wondered aloud, "did she give you poisoned tea?"  
  
"It wasn't poison, Gourry, it was a remedy she said she used herself for... that time of the month. She was trying to be nice to us after her husband screwed up. I thought you liked her."  
  
"I thought I did too." Looking back, nothing the apothecary had done had seemed suspicious to Gourry... she had seemed open and friendly, like somebody's mother. And she didn't do anything to make Lina feel that she was anything other than trustworthy. Of course, Lina had also been sick the day they went to visit, so maybe that had affected her judgment and her ability to see things clearly. "But you got sick, and she lied -"  
  
"Uh uh." Lina sat up, shaking her head, and held up her hands. "I'm not going to listen to this. I know you were really worried about me, but it's just guessing, you have no proof..."  
  
Gourry smiled. "Just like you have no proof she was telling the truth about the potion."  
  
The sorceress continued talking over his interruption. "...maybe I just drank too much, maybe it would have happened anyway, the healer said sometimes this just happens to girls for no reason, and - " Lina suddenly closed her mouth and sat there with a stunned look on her face.  
  
"Lina?"  
  
"...she also asked if I had taken something to get rid of a baby..."  
  
"But Lina," Gourry pointed out slowly, "you already told me you weren't pregnant... and that maybe you couldn't..."  
  
"OF COURSE I'M NOT, AND OF COURSE I HAVEN'T TRIED!" Lina bellowed, her hair standing on end. She took a few calming breaths and spoke very slowly. "But I guess, if something like that were in a drink, and even someone who wasn't pregnant drank it, it could be very bad for them..."  
  
"Poison," Gourry agreed, relieved that Lina was finally getting it.  
  
"I don't know, but now that I think about it," Lina mused, "that's at least two problems right there that I can be sure I wouldn't have had if I'd never met Sandra. First that tonic I tried, and the letter she sent me, and if you do add the tea... You know, you could be on to something." She slammed her fist into her palm, "And I think we deserve some answers! We'll go back to town, pick up my things from the tailor's and then retrace our steps to - "  
  
"No." The word was out of Gourry's mouth even before the thoughts had formed to support the statement. But the visceral fear was more than enough as his mind caught up. "Did you forget the bandits? They could be on our trail..."  
  
"They could have caught up with us while I was on bed rest," Lina pointed out.  
  
"I don't like this, Lina." Gourry felt a strange prickling sensation on the back of his neck, more convinced than ever that something was very wrong. He had to protect Lina, but he didn't know what he was up against - it didn't look like he could do it alone anymore. "We should go to Seyruun."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"We're near there, and we haven't seen Amelia since the winter festival... Don't you want free food?"  
  
"But I just spent the last five days in bed, I don't want to go somewhere else and sit around... Besides, one of the bath attendants said there was a sister shrine to this one that in ancient days might have had a copy of the Claire Bible." Lina's voice went up at the end from excitement. "And if there is... well, I can't pass up this chance to discover it, now can I?"  
  
"But Lina..." Gourry pointed out reasonably, "you already saw the Claire Bible."  
  
"But Gourry..." Lina mimicked his beginning briefly before exploding, "the Claire Bible is the *collected knowledge of the ages* - all of it - not some dinky little picture book you can buy for a copper piece and throw away afterwards! There is more knowledge in there than you could study in a thousand lifetimes, and I only got a short time with it, only enough to learn a little information and one spell! What did you think I did, absorbed all of it in one go?!"  
  
The swordsman thought about it for a moment. He didn't really understand this part of Lina, knowing things for the sake of knowing them, or because it would make you more powerful. He struggled to find the words to explain how all he really wanted or needed to know was sitting in this bed right in front of him, all angry red fire and brightness. She was so much that he wasn't, but that's what made them work so well together. He thought some more, and saw Lina frowning at him. "Well... yeah," he concluded finally, "I guess I did. You know I don't know anything about that stuff, so I guess I figured you learned everything."  
  
Lina blushed and chewed on her lip. "Well... I didn't, okay? So I'd like to have another chance."  
  
"Lina..."  
  
"If I tried to hide from every person or creature with a chip on its shoulder, Gourry, I might as well just die right here, because that kind of life wouldn't be worth living." She patted him on the shoulder. "Besides, I have my powers back now - there isn't much out there with the kind of death wish it takes to cross me!" Her stomach made a growl that sounded almost like agreement and Lina laughed. "You're being a big worry-wart, even my stomach says so! Now let's see about getting some food, after last night I'm starved... Err... yeah..." She had a funny expression on her face as she bounced off the bed and rummaged in her bag, pulling out her new black tunic and a pair of her pink leggings. She turned her back on him as she changed, but didn't yell at him to leave.   
  
It was something, he supposed, a sign that she was a little more comfortable with him, after all.   
  
Sighing in defeat, Gourry got dressed for breakfast, too. 'Not much' that would go after Lina meant that there were some things that would try, but there was no point in telling her that, even after all that happened, it seemed she could still thrive on danger, and it would probably just make her more excited.  
  
  
  
They broke their fast at the resort before heading back down to the town below.   
  
Lina seemed especially talkative, dancing around him as he walked, twittering with excitement like a small bird. Every time he would try to ask her something she would respond with a joke or a playful elbow to his ribs. It was pretty obvious that she was trying to distract him, but it wasn't really working.  
  
Ironically he had too much on his mind, or he would have enjoyed her antics as he usually did, but he knew there was still a lot of hard talking ahead of them. It must have showed, because after a while Lina's laughter became more forced, and she would dart off ahead of him for a few feet before doubling back as though trying to expend an excess of nervous energy.  
  
Sentences became more abrupt, and then for long minutes she wouldn't talk at all.  
  
The mood grew gradually very tense.  
  
By the time they made the walk, and then retrieved Lina's new clothes from the tailor, it was close to noon, which necessitated a stop for lunch, which ended up being a massive roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings, one of Lina's favourites.   
  
The resultant feeding frenzy and the squabble over the meal was bigger than it had been for some time - and it seemed to Gourry he had to fight for every morsel, including the ones on his own plate. Not so unusual, all in all, except that for some reason this time it felt like he was fighting for a lot more than food.  
  
After they had eaten, Lina pulled out her map and spread it on a relatively clean spot on the table.  
  
Gourry's heart sank still further as she began to chatter about the ruins she was still bent on exploring.  
  
"If we take the road to here... and then branch off onto this trail right here..."  
  
"Lina, I told you, the last place we should be right now is prancing through the woods alone."  
  
"I could Raywing us in most of the way," was Lina's offer of concession. "I know bandits can't fly."  
  
"But what if they have bows? Lina, you're not *listening* to me."  
  
"No, I'm not listening to you. What happened to 'I'm going wherever you're going'? Do you want to part ways here, is that it?"  
  
"Huh?" Gourry pulled at his hair, confusion and frustration racing his veins. "When did I say that? I just want you to let go of this stupid plan. We don't have to stop travelling forever, just give this some time to blow over... There's plenty of other stuff we can do. Maybe we can find a caravan to escort - they might want extra protection from a sorceress..."  
  
"I don't know when we'll be back this way again, Gourry," said Lina between clenched teeth. "I've always believed that if you want to do something, don't say 'oh, I'll do it someday' you have to do it *now*, because sometimes now is all we have."  
  
Lina seemed very, very anxious to go on that trip, and Gourry tried to understand. Maybe she hadn't learned everything there was to know in the Claire Bible, but she'd already said that no one could. Of course, Lina, being Lina, would have to try... or maybe sell it for something. Why wouldn't she just listen to him? "But you saw it once already, that's more than most people get, right?"  
  
"I'm not most people," said the sorceress. "I'm going, and if you don't want to come with me..."  
  
"Lina!" Gourry tried not to scream. "That's the second time you said that, and for the second time I'm going to tell you I am not leaving you! I don't know what's gotten into you. I don't want to keep you away from what you want, but I want to keep you safe. I'm standing here trying to tell you that but you're just not hearing me. I don't know, it seems like we're fighting about two different things here, and you don't plan to tell me what the problem really is."  
  
People in the inn's taproom were starting to look at them with undisguised interest, wondering if this apparent lovers' quarrel was going to come to blows.   
  
A few bets were quietly exchanged, though apparently not quietly enough, because Lina overheard a few murmurs and threw up her arms in frustration. "Now look, you've made a scene! Is this how you respect my feelings, by screaming out to the world that we're...? Gah, I can't believe this!" Gathering the parchment and the rest of her things together hurriedly she stormed from the inn.  
  
Throwing a few coins in the table, Gourry followed, nearly plowing into her as she stopped abruptly on the inn stairs.   
  
"My purse!" a woman shouted, "Thief! Someone call the guards!"  
  
The villain, a brown-clad blur, was pushing his way through the crowds, and looked to be making good his escape.  
  
"I am so sick of this CRAP!" muttered Lina, a menacing glint in her eye, as she shoved her bag and the map roughly into his hands. "Raywing!" She shot off into the air, on the trail of the miscreant, for whom Gourry felt a twinge of pity.  
  
The criminal never stood a chance, as Lina quickly overtook him. In the distance Gourry saw a flash of red as the irate sorceress swooped downwards like a hawk about to snatch a tasty rabbit, disappearing from sight. Then the screaming began as flashes of magical energy shot up like fireworks, illuminating even the bright midday sky. Lina normally treated criminals violently enough, but she was so riled up from their disagreement in the inn that he probably should try to catch up to her before she decided to overkill him with a Dragon Slave and level the whole town.  
  
"Excuse me, sorry, 'scuse me," Gourry elbowed his way through the people and towards the disturbance.  
  
A few streets down he found her, at the centre of attention, at the centre of trouble, at the centre of pure chaos, the story of her life. She was perched atop a rather charred looking bandit, heedless of the muck and filth of the streets around them, her new black cloak - barely a few hours old - stained with manure and spread out around her like raven's wings, like the mantle of Death itself. A salty blue mist of obscenities poured from her lips as she ripped out handfuls of the man's hair, and twisted his ears so hard it looked like they were going to come off in her hands.  
  
This behaviour was rather unusual. Normally Lina was a fry-and-go kind of girl, and it was seldom she liked to get her hands dirty when a spell was so much cleaner, for her if not for the victim in question.  
  
"Who sent you?! Who sent you and where the fuck are the rest?" Lina yelled, slamming the bandit's face into the cobblestones with each new demand, making it difficult, if not impossible for him to answer anyway. "Tell me and maybe I'll let you die quickly..."  
  
Sent? The rest? Gourry stared in puzzlement for a moment then noticed the crowd was moving back, making way for a troupe of guards.  
  
He took a step forward protectively, and hoped Lina had a really good reason for what she was doing. Not that it mattered. He was going to defend her anyway.  
  
"Miss?" The commander of the troupe tried to attract Lina's attention, but she continued obliviously beating her victim. "Miss?"  
  
Gourry relaxed slightly when it didn't seem like Lina was the one in trouble, but it worried him that she didn't seem to know that someone was talking to her. "Lina?" He moved closer to her and reached out, putting his hands on her shoulders.  
  
She snarled, turning to face him, and he saw the wildness of fear in her eyes for a moment before her vision unclouded. "Gourry?"  
  
"Here..." He helped her to her feet, and off the bandit, who was finally unconscious, thanks to one too many blows to the head.  
  
"Miss," the commander tried again, clearing his throat, "ummm, do you know you just captured a wanted criminal?"  
  
"That doesn't surprise me." Lina's voice was strained, but there was a note of sarcasm there that made Gourry feel a little better.  
  
"There's a reward for his capture."  
  
"Reward?" Okay, Lina couldn't be that badly off, because her eyes lit up to almost their usual brilliance at the mention of coin.  
  
"I'm authorized to provide it to you, just stop by the jailhouse once we've got this fellow put away. Don't you worry, he's never going to bother anyone again..."  
  
Lina grunted, her voice became expressionless once more. "What are you going to do?"  
  
"Well, he was wanted dead or alive. Since he's still alive, we'll hang 'im tomorrow."  
  
"I see..." Lina said, nodding, then suddenly her whole body became tense again and she pivoted, casting, "Freeze Arrow!"  
  
There was a shrill scream, and Gourry saw a rag-clad boy of about Lina's age frozen to the ground in mid-stride as if caught in the act of running away.  
  
"Well, would you look at that!" exclaimed the guardsman, "you're just raking 'em in, there little lady! There's a bit of a reward for him too... petty theft."  
  
Lina looked away strangely. "Are you going to hang him too?"  
  
"Nah, his crimes weren't that severe, a flogging and a night in the stocks is usual for this sort of thing. He'll have a chance to better himself, though his kind usually don't. Bragg, get a torch to thaw him out, then bring him to the square..." The man patted Lina on the shoulder. "Thanks, whoever you are, you just made my day a whole lot better..."  
  
"It's Lina, Lina Inverse..."  
  
The man gave a low whistle. "Now I see why they call you the Bandit Killer. I know some people don't care for your methods, but... sometimes it's what those sorts of vermin need. No mercy. Gotta keep the streets safe for the law-abiding citizens somehow, and sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire. You're a good lass - stop by later with your man and I'll give you your money..."  
  
Gourry felt a hint of pride at the way the guard referred to him. 'Her man' - yep, he was hers alright - now if he could just get her to admit she wanted it that way too...  
  
He waited for Lina to shout a denial, but she merely nodded and turned around, walking away from the scene and back towards the inn.  
  
The swordsman trailed behind the sorceress at a distance, feeling very uncomfortable. First Lina was angry, and then she had lost control completely. And now this strange silence. "Lina..." he called, but she kept walking.   
  
He followed as she picked up the pace, moving into the crowd as if she wanted to get away from there as quickly as possible. At the next alley she turned the corner and he briefly overshot her before turning back. She was leaning against the wall, breathing slowly and deeply, but he could detect the roughness beneath, something she appeared to be trying to control. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were so bloodless they appeared grey.  
  
"Lina..." His heart thudded in his chest. "What's wrong? Are you... sick again?"  
  
She opened one eye and gave a shaky, mirthless chuckle that did nothing to convince him. "No, it's not that... I'm just a little... surprised, that's all." Both eyes closed again. "I'll be okay. Just gimme a minute, and don't let anyone come back here."  
  
"No... Remember what you said, you said you wouldn't hide things from me anymore." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "What happened, Lina? I'm not asking you to tell the whole world, okay? I just want you to tell *me*."  
  
"It was them..." Lina refused to meet his eyes, and her voice, addressed as it was to his boots, was so quiet he almost didn't hear her; then he wished he hadn't as her next words froze his soul. "The cutpurse - I was just going to catch him and scare him a little, but as soon as I saw his face, I knew. He was there... him and the boy whose feet I iced. They're from the same group of bandits who captured me." 


	21. Answers bring more questions

Author's Note: Well, it's still going and I'm running out of notes. What happened to the wild speculation I used to get, huh? ;)  
  
Actually, I do have something I turned up doing some research:  
http://www.turningpointservices.org/If%20She%20is%20Raped.htm  
  
This is a guideline for husbands, fathers, and friends of rape victims. It's a great resource that seems to say very meaningful things about good ways to show support and be sensitive to the needs of people who have survived this very personal and de-humanizing form of violence.  
  
I had Gourry reach some of the conclusions suggested by the documentation, because I think he is sensitive, and if he isn't big on thinking, he sure is on feeling. I think he would, ultimately, recognize Lina needs *him* more than she needs him going off endangering himself looking for revenge.  
  
Besides, Lina's capable of taking care of the revenge part on her own. ;)  
  
_______________________________  
  
  
Gourry's hand went instinctively to his sword even though there was no one around he could use it on. He could feel a sick, cold anger sweep through him as the blood left his face - if he looked the way he felt he was no doubt as grey as Lina was. "Were they the ones who...?"  
  
"No, there was only one guy..." She shook her head as if trying to clear it. "He was the top dog, so he'd get everything first... They were going to get a chance once he was done though. Everyone was." Heedless of her stained gloves she swiped a hand angrily across her eyes, whispering frantic, half-formed phrases under her breath. "...not now... please not now... Dammit!" Her voice broke on the edge of the word as, with an angry stomp of her foot, she pivoted away from him smartly to face the long expanse of the refuse-strewn alley.  
  
"Lina?"  
  
She didn't turn around, only shook her head mutely and waved her hand, signalling him frantically away before clapping both hands over her mouth. A tremor darted through her as she stood there, and then another.  
  
She was crying, he realized, even as she struggled in a losing battle against the tears - the most she could do was to sob in silence.  
  
His throat closed around words that wanted to come leaping out. He wanted to tell her it was okay, but it wasn't, it was not okay - he was scared, and Lina, even though she was so very strong, obviously hadn't put anything behind her at all. Why hadn't he seen it?  
  
Not that there had been many hints - he'd never had to deal with anything like this before, and Lina had tried to face the situation the way she typically tackled any problem, by treating it like a small thing, and stubbornly bending it to her will. It had looked like it was working, and he had admired her resilience, but in the end all she must have been doing was burying it.   
  
He wanted to hold her, but he didn't know if she would like that right now. She hated to show weakness to anyone, and that was as much what this whole thing was about. It wasn't her fault, but Lina was so independent, and proud of being able to take care of herself no matter what. Then, to find herself in a situation where someone was taking advantage of her and she couldn't stop it... What must that be like?  
  
"Lina," he whispered, "I'm here."  
  
A small, choked off sound escaped her.  
  
"I don't know what I can do, but I'm here for you. Anything you need, I..."  
  
The sorceress shifted a little, took a few steps back, reaching out blindly behind her with one hand as though afraid to turn around, afraid of what she would find and yet unable to resist. Her fingers clamped like a vice around his arm, then slid downwards, finding and seizing his. That was all she would do, it seemed, for she stood there just as she was, never turning around, just holding his hand with one of hers while the other still covered her mouth, muffling the sounds of her pain.   
  
She still looked so alone, so forlorn, but there was a connection between them, acknowledged in the almost painfully tight way her hand was clutching his. It was as though she was trying to wring all the comfort she could from this inconspicuous link, while pretending she didn't want or need it.  
  
"I'm being so stupid..." Lina swallowed hard, biting off the sob that rose again on the last word. "They didn't even... they didn't... I thought if you and me, if we... did it... it would make it all go away. And it was... great, you were so great, but it didn't... I still feel like they took something away from me... something I can never get back... and when I saw them again... I got so mad... and scared... I couldn't even cast another spell... that's why I was hitting him, because I couldn't... I used to be so strong, and now look... the sorcery genius crying like a baby because some stupid bandits got the better of her..." She covered her mouth again and trembled wordlessly.  
  
"You know, Lina," Gourry whispered, "just because you need to cry doesn't mean you aren't strong. You're not like some girls, you don't cry a lot, this is only the second time I ever saw... But everyone needs to once in a while... and this... what happened, it's not, I mean, if there was a thing no one could blame you for crying about, this would be it... Anyone would." He rubbed at his eyes with the back of his free hand. /I am./  
  
"But why couldn't it wait 'til I was somewhere where I didn't... where people couldn't see... I mean, anyone could come down here and... I wish we could go back to the inn."  
  
"Would you like that - maybe have some quiet time for a little while?"  
  
He saw her nod. "It's late to be starting out anyways..."  
  
"Okay, I'll see about getting us a room."  
  
Lina took a few deep breaths. "Two."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Two rooms, please. I... I'm sorry, but I need to be by myself for a little while."  
  
Gourry swallowed and nodded, even though she couldn't see. "Sure Lina, whatever you need."  
  
  
  
A short time later found Lina lying on a bed, staring up at the ceiling, much as she had been doing for most of the last week during her convalescence. She wondered if she would ever get out of this town.  
  
She'd stripped off her cloak and changed out of her dirty clothes - they lay in a heap in the far corner of the room, their vague stench irritating her nose. She supposed she should ask Gourry to scrounge up a laundry tub and a washboard, but scrubbing clothes was not something she really felt like doing right now.  
  
All she really felt was empty and numb. Of course it figured that by the time she had gotten the privacy she had needed so desperately before, she was calm again, though her face still felt swollen and her eyes ached. Her pride hurt worse though, from having Gourry see her like that, from the necessity of sneaking up the back stairs of the inn so people wouldn't see her puffy, bloodshot eyes and her tearstained face.  
  
She was a sorceress, dammit, not some prissy, wimpy, weak little girl who needed protecting and sobbed at the drop of a hat. She wasn't like her Shadow... The memory rose, unbidden, unconsidered for so many years, of the double she had inadvertently let loose on the world five years ago. It made her shudder with distaste.  
  
What a creature had been made! She might have looked like Lina, but inside she was very different. Normally Lina didn't mind sweet-tempered people - they were so much easier to manipulate - but when one of them wore her face it was more disturbing than she cared to admit. Copies from the Shadow Reflector were supposed to have all the original's abilities, but it was doubtful 'Copy Lina' would ever use any of them. That such a disgrace should share her face - a whining child who was so blind to the realities of the world that she would sooner beg a villain to reconsider his evil ways than defend herself.  
  
Someone like that wouldn't survive, they couldn't. Her clone and Naga's self-conscious, modest duplicate were probably long dead, raped and murdered and buried in an unmarked grave. The heartless estimation was enough to make her shiver, especially with the parallel it had to the situation she had escaped herself. But those two would not have - they lacked the wits that had kept her alive, that had let her survive.  
  
A knock on the door pulled her from her uncomfortable reverie, and she faced the interruption more gratefully than she might have otherwise. "Who is it?"  
  
"It's me," Gourry's voice was muffled through the door. "Sorry to bother you, but... Have you changed out of that stuff you were wearing? I'm washing out some socks so I thought I might as well..."  
  
"It's okay," Lina rolled off the bed and went to open the door, letting the swordsman in. "Umm, it's over there." She pointed to the corner where she had stowed the smelly clothes. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem." Gourry scooped up the stinking mass fastidiously, bundling it all into Lina's cloak and holding it by the corners. He stopped to look at her searchingly. "Are you... ummm, are you feeling better?"  
  
She rubbed the back of her neck and looked down self-consciously. "Yeah, I guess... listen, why don't you take care of that and then we can go down to collect our reward? I bet we could buy a really good dinner with that and still have some left over."  
  
Gourry gave her an enigmatic smile that radiated warmth - like the sun's rays it pushed back at the clouds of her pain to let in a few rays of light. "'Our reward', huh? I don't really think I did anything to help earn it."  
  
Lina swallowed. He sure picked the strangest things to notice - she hadn't really meant, well, it just sort of came out that way... "*My* reward," she clarified, "but I guess I'll share it. We both have to eat... wouldn't want you... dying of starvation or something..."  
  
Gourry winked at her. "It could happen when you're around - that's why I eat so fast." He ducked and shut the door just as she sent one of her boots sailing towards his head.  
  
She went to lock the door again and stood staring at the rough wood, reaching out to trace it thoughtfully, not really seeing its texture, but imagining something else entirely. A smile twisted its way onto her lips despite the haunted, hunted feeling that lingered in her soul. How could anyone make her smile when this darkness was still howling inside her?  
  
But he had.  
  
Pivoting away from the door, she went to splash cool water on her face and try to make herself look like nothing could touch her again.  
  
  
  
With the laundry done Gourry accompanied her to the barracks that housed the town's guard troop, as well as serving as the jail. Out in front, work had already begun assembling the gallows where the bandit Lina captured would die. It stood gaunt in the afternoon sun, seeming to drink the light into its rough brown wood and give nothing back. And as for the other... the small, bloodstained body slumped in the stocks proclaimed that the penalty the law required had been extracted.  
  
Kenji. She still remembered his name, and tried not to look as she passed by. There was a twinge of guilt she didn't want to acknowledge, because, if she had known it was him, and not one of the others, she might have let him escape. The reason she would do this puzzled her - she was sure it was a mercy he would not have shown her if Gourry had not come to her rescue.  
  
She bit her lip sharply and hardened her heart. Why should she feel bad about a skinny bandit runt when he would probably have been one of the ones to... to use her... before... And yet the thought remained. At least they hadn't killed him.  
  
Gourry knocked on the door to the compound and they were ushered inside.  
  
"Ahahaha, my dear little sorceress and her golden boy!" called the guard who had spoken to Lina a little earlier, rising to his feet unsteadily from a stool in the corner. Judging by the flush across his cheeks and his enthusiastic, flowery words, the man was rather drunk. "I mean 'my lady'," the guard amended with a bow and a flourish obviously copied from the antics of a travelling player.   
  
Lina smiled to herself. Merchant's daughter or not, she had more power in her two hands thanks to her magic than a king could command with all his gold. People owed her no fealty, but the wise ones gave her respect.  
  
"Sorry about my, erhm, condition," the guard went on, "but I'm off duty and I've been doing a little celebrating. You don't know, missy, how hard that fellow has been to catch. Here!" The pouch of coins he tossed was heavy enough to send Lina's breath out in a whuff of surprise as she caught it. "There's a bit more than the usual - the men took up a collection. Lots of people round here have had friends and loved ones go missing on the road... they aren't your normal gang of highwaymen. Well, they used to be, but they got new leadership, a few years back, a pair of brothers with a taste for more than gold, if you know what I mean... The elder brother is the leader, and rumours says the pair were of noble birth, but were banished from their family for unspeakable deeds. They cast both brothers from the house, struck their names from the records, and then sent assassins to quietly dispose of them and the taint they placed on the family honour. They were outnumbered ten to two, but they killed 'em all. And the elder's name was..."  
  
"Tanaka," Lina hissed.  
  
"Ehhhh... you know him?"  
  
"Personally," Lina admitted, "I was his... guest."  
  
"A powerful sorceress like you?"  
  
"My powers were... sealed at the time." Lina handed the coins to Gourry and pulled off her gloves.  
  
"And you lived... All I know has been based on rumours, no one has ever left his camp alive."  
  
"I'm not easy to kill," the sorceress replied.  
  
"Please tell us what you know, it could help us."  
  
"When I'm through you won't need my help anymore," she vowed. "I plan to wipe them all out, every last one."  
  
"Ambitious."  
  
"You don't know Lina very well," Gourry told him, a fondness in his voice and eyes that Lina had to turn away from, because it reminded her just how fragile her mood was beneath the calm surface she had managed to create.  
  
She pulled off her cloak too, eager to be rid of its plain grey weight, but it was the only one she had while her new fancy black one was drying back at the inn. She handed that to the swordsman as well and crossed her arms as she faced the captain again. "You asked me to tell you what I know, but it isn't very much. Tanaka and his men had me nearly two weeks ago. They caught us... unprepared as we were travelling, knocked my friend out, and took me away. Luckily he was able to find me, create a distraction, and steal me away from the camp.  
  
"Why weren't you recaptured?"  
  
"Well, I didn't exactly see the distraction, but I heard it. He threw some explosives into the fire, and while everyone was running around, we escaped. At the time we didn't want to stop and assess the damage, but maybe there was enough to their supplies that they had to recoup their losses. I thought they followed us here, but now it sounds like they've always worked this area."  
  
"That's right," the guard agreed, "oh, we'd cull the herds once in awhile, but they know the woods, and once you've got an infestation like that, it's very hard to root 'em out completely."  
  
Lina frowned. "Then I'm surprised you're not jumping at this chance that's fallen into your hands."  
  
"Chance? What? I don't understand."  
  
"You do know who you are holding, right?"  
  
"One of the higher-ups, I know that. Unfortunately, he's still unconscious from the beating you gave him. I don't know what we'll do if he doesn't wake up tomorrow. We can't hang a man who's completely senseless - the people wouldn't go for it, they like 'em feisty - alive and kicking - it's easier to appreciate it when he finally stops twitching. The men don't like it either, they're worried he'll haunt the place if we off him when he doesn't know what hit him."  
  
"Tell you what," Lina gave the guard captain a mirthless smile, "I'll see if I can bring him around for you with a healing spell, in exchange for some time alone with him to... talk." She gave the guard a sidelong look. "You *really* don't know who it is?"  
  
"Uhhhh... no..." He slapped himself in the face. "Damn, it's Tanaka himself?!"  
  
"Nah, Tanaka's much shorter, around my height - you might want to keep an eye out for that. But you're close," Lina replied, "you've got his brother."  
  
"Huh? No wonder his rap-sheet's so long..."  
  
"You don't by chance have any relatives in Elmekia, do you?" Lina asked the captain dryly, giving Gourry a sidelong look. The blonde just smiled and waved.  
  
"I don't think so..."  
  
"Hmph. So are you going to let me see him or not? If you're going to kill him tomorrow, this will be your only chance to get information from him. Then you could really clean house - you'd be the hero in this, not me. Wouldn't you like that?"  
  
"Well, I'd like that a lot, 'cept I'm off duty and 'under the influence' and I'm the only one here who knows how to operate the rack..."  
  
"You don't need a rack. You have a sorceress. Let me take care of the interrogation and the whole problem could be solved by tomorrow night."  
  
"Lina," Gourry touched her arm, "what are you getting into here? Interrogation? I thought we were just going to pick up the money and go."  
  
"I can't just let him die without finding out where the rest of them are, Gourry. They have to be stopped."   
  
"Come here for a sec, okay... Come outside..."  
  
They went out into the walled courtyard behind the compound, where various types of equipment for fighting practice were scattered about. Lina saw Gourry's eyes light up as he studied a few, and she half expected him to run off to play with them, forgetting that he was the one who wanted her to come outside. But after a moment he resolutely turned to face her.  
  
"Why are you doing this, Lina?"  
  
"I told you, they..."  
  
"Have to be stopped, yes, that's a good reason, but what about right now, that stuff in there? You've fought in battle, but this is different... You've never done that before, tortured someone for a confession. You want to hurt him because you want revenge."  
  
"Revenge?" Lina echoed in disbelief, "And there's a *problem* with that? For someone who says he's loved me for a long time you've been really calm about this whole thing. Don't you even care - "  
  
"Stop right there." Gourry's voice was calm as he set the gold, and Lina's belongings on the step, but there was a wealth of restrained emotion beneath. "You don't know, Lina, you don't know what I've been feeling this past week, and there's a good reason for that: this isn't about me, Lina, it's about you. You don't know how much I've wanted to drop everything, hunt down that guy and his friends and chop them into small pieces without killing them first." His hands clenched into fists so tight the sorceress could hear his knuckles crack. "I wanted to do that, but that would have been for me, because knowing this happened to you, and I can't do anything to change it, is tearing me up inside. But you are, and always will be, my first priority - my feelings aren't so important if they'll get in the way of seeing you through this. I care Lina, I care so much, don't make it hurt worse by hinting that I don't."  
  
The suspicious glimmer in the swordsman's eyes made Lina's throat tighten. "Then you do understand," she whispered, "you do know why I have to do this."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, I do, but I still want to protect you."  
  
"You big dummy..." Those three words, which ought to have been hurtful, were used with so much affection that they outweighed the potency of another three words, left unspoken. Lina took a step, then another, and launched herself against the startled swordsman, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and yanking his mouth down to hers. She kissed him hard - for luck, she told herself - and he responded by crushing her against him with equal force.  
  
They broke apart, gasping for breath, and Lina brushed back his hair so she could see both his eyes. "You know you don't have to protect me. Just... what did you call it, just see me through... I'm going to do this, Gourry, so just be here with me. And tomorrow," her red eyes darkened grimly, bloody pools in the fading light, "I'm going to watch him hang." 


	22. Facing off

Author's Note: Well, after an unintended hiatus, the story is back. I'm going to try to get at least another couple of parts out this month, because after that, the story is going on hold again for the entire month of November while I give some much needed attention to my original work by participating in National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org)  
  
Much as I enjoy it, I do not want to be writing fan fiction forever, and eventually I do want to walk through a bookstore and see my name on the shelves. _An Ignominious End_ is now 162 pages typed, so I know that I do have the energy and the drive to create my own novel, I just need to force myself to get one started.  
  
I encourage all of you writers on fanfiction.net to look at your word counts and know that you could do the same, and think long and hard about what's keeping you from publishing and acclaim. Writing fan fiction can be very fulfilling, I know, but deep down, don't you all yearn for something more?  
  
This story will be back in December when I will let what I have written for NaNoWrimo rest before commencing revisions and/or finishing up the novel since 50,000 words, the amount required to win, probably won't be enough to finish the tale I am envisioning. I don't intend to leave you all hanging after all, I still need something to keep the mind sharp and I want to show you guys the end I have envisioned because I still think it's going to be a hell of a ride!  
  
Thanks again for all your comments and support - it's what keeps me going.  
  
Sincerely,  
Flarn  
_______________________________  
  
  
They made Lina leave her weapons outside the cell, but it was all the same to her. Physical weapons could be taken and used against her, but her most powerful arsenal came from inside, and no one could use it but her. She cast one last glance at Gourry as the cell door was shut, locking her in with the unconscious bandit.  
  
He lay face down on a cot, his hands and feet chained together, albeit loosely - enough so that he could independently manage his own needs such as feeding himself and using the bucket in the corner which had been provided for calls of nature. There was a bracket to permit chaining him to the wall too, but it hadn't been used.   
  
/I guess they thought with him out like that he wasn't going to go anywhere./  
  
But now Lina would be faced with a more mobile enemy when he finally came to. If he was loose enough to eat and go to the bathroom, he might be loose enough to fight back. She'd have to watch that - the chains holding him could be a weapon that *he* could use if he was smart. She picked up a loose stone and lobbed it at him, hard, to make sure he was really out of it, and not just faking, waiting for someone to get close. He didn't make a sound.  
  
"Oh, no, you're not going to get away that easily," Lina muttered. "You're not dead, you can't be dead, you don't deserve to die that painlessly." Reaching out, she began to cast Recovery. She wouldn't give him much healing, just enough to bring him around. Just enough for him to be able to endure what she planned to do to him.  
  
All was quiet. She could hear his shallow breathing, and even that of the guards who watched, ready to let her out if things went wrong. Gourry was there too. He had wanted to be on the inside, with her, but that would have changed the dynamics of the situation completely, and she had finally convinced him after another bitter argument. She knew he would want to exercise his 'duties' as her protector, but she needed to do this alone. Facing the bandit with Gourry at her side, two against one, would just show she didn't feel she was strong enough to handle this situation herself. But Gourry was there, just on the other side of the bars, and the glimpse of bright gold she could see out of the corner of her eye comforted her more than she wanted to admit.  
  
Finally the bandit began to twitch, and then he stirred, muttering nonsensical things and twisting on the cot. Lina drew back slowly, without making any sudden movements, and waited for him to come around.  
  
"...damned sorceress witch..." The sound was muffled as the man tried to get up. "What the - ?" He must have realized he was chained. "...hell?" His chains clattered metallically as he finally succeeded in rolling over into a sitting position, staring at her with dark, lizard-eyes that reminded her all together too much of his brother. "*You*," a slight, flicker passed over his face before Lina could identify it - she suspected it was fear, but couldn't be sure. "It *was* you."  
  
"Yup." Lina leaned back against the bars insolently, but inside she was shaking. Even prepared for the resemblance as she was now, it still staggered her. Behind her eyes she could still see *his* face, and smell his fetid breath as he leaned close. She fought not to let it show, and twisted the shape of her fears into barbs that she hoped would find and goad the weakness of her adversary. He was the one at her mercy now, the thought was like a mantra echoing in her head, thudding in her chest to the erratic rhythm of her heart. "Are you sorry you didn't bring more goons with you? You may be twice my size, but you never could beat me in a fair fight."  
  
"Who cares if the fight's fair? I just play to win."  
  
"Well, this time you lost, bub." Her heart pounded faster and mockery shuddered from the darkest places inside of her. Wasn't this what she had always wanted, to look danger in the face and laugh? Yes, maybe... yes, but... But it was different than she had dreamed before she left home. She had faced danger many times since then, faced her own death, but she'd never before been confronted with anything other than death in the heat of battle, a noble death, or at least a death on her own terms. What had waited for her in the bandit camp was none of those things, it had been a pathetic, worthless end, to be used and then disposed of like trash, to be slaughtered like an animal with no hope of defending herself. Yes, but that hadn't happened. /I'm the one with the power now,/ she reminded herself. /He's the one who's going to die like a dog tomorrow./  
  
Lina smiled thinly, wondering if he would cry, or beg, or plead. She remembered the sight of the noose swinging in the evening breeze. He had been unconscious when they brought him in - she wondered if he even knew that tomorrow he would die. "Whatcha gonna do about it?" She snickered at the double meaning, wanted to tell him just how certainly his raping and murdering days were over. But not yet. That would just make him lethargic, and she wanted him defiant. Defiance was something you could beat out of a person, or so Luna had always said... "C'mon, I'm just a little girl, all alone in this big cell with you, aren't you gonna try something?"  
  
The man sat there, staring at her levelly - his gaze reminded her of a wolf's, ready to attack the moment she looked away.  
  
"You'll never guess what I heard. My pals over there," she indicated the guards, "told me this wasn't the first time you've gone and kidnapped someone for your sick little fun..." She clicked her tongue. "Can't even pay someone for it with a face like yours, huh?"  
  
"Nyah nyah, you are just a little girl," the bandit slumped back on the cot in disinterested contempt, "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me. What do you want? I need to get some beauty sleep."  
  
"What I want is to know where the camp is."  
  
"No dice."  
  
"Sticks and stones, huh?" Lina smiled slowly as a ball of energy formed in her hand. She released it casually, letting it topple from her hand and into the ground. "Boo briemer," she whispered.  
  
With a sickening crack, the wooden cot beneath the bandit underwent a drastic mutation. Bucking like an enraged stallion it tossed its occupant hard into the wall and sprouted the head and sharp horns of a bull.  
  
Chuckling to herself, Lina levitated to a safe distance and watched the fun.  
  
Rubbing his head, the bandit opened his eyes, only to see the murderous red glare of the bull golem as it launched itself towards him, sharp wooden horns levelled to impale and kill.  
  
Despite the weight of the chains, the bandit was still fast. He leapt clear of the sharp horns, and sprang from the corner to the cell bars, his chains clattering, metal against metal, an angry jangle of iron. He took up the slack of the chain, wrapping it around one wrist enough that it wouldn't dangle or catch, and then made a flying leap, catching Lina's ankles.  
  
His agility surprised Lina, and she violently kicked her legs, trying to shake him off as the golem galloped mindlessly around the cell, ready to make another pass.   
  
"Lina!" Gourry shouted, grabbing at the bars as if he would tear them from the hinges to get to her. The guards pulled him back just as the golem launched itself, and gleaming wooden horns appeared where his chest had been a second before.  
  
"I'm okay!" The shout turned to a squeak as she felt something grab her leg much higher. She looked down at the bandit who smiled up at her wickedly and gave her calf an insinuating squeeze. Those hands touching her... Those eyes... She released the spell instinctively, not caring what happened next, only knowing that she had to get rid of him RIGHT NOW. Gravity did the rest, dropping the bandit to his feet. Of course it also dropped Lina. For a split instant they were a tableau, the small, flame-haired sorceress held aloft in a parody of triumph, arms spread wide for balance, legs imprisoned in the bandit's vicelike grip; then the man went down hard under the stress of supporting her teenaged weight in a way his arms were not meant to.  
  
She was okay, except... she had lost track of the bull golem. Her field of vision narrowed into stark points of fear as she saw the magical construct ricochet off the stone wall with a powerful clatter of wooden hooves and a sawdust snort, springing towards them... only to explode in a thousand splintered shards as the spell gave out. Lina shrieked and shielded her eyes, feeling small, razor-sharp pieces of wood embed themselves in her arm.  
  
The sorceress gritted her teeth against the insidious pain of the wooden shrapnel and fought to force it down. /Use the pain,/ the voice in her mind was Luna's, a memory of long ago, something else she had forced down, forced herself to endure because her pride would allow nothing else. Pride? Was that all this was? But there was no time to think of that, she was in the middle of a battle, there was no time for pain. Of any kind. Still, the memory, and the voice persisted for a second longer. /Pain can bring focus./  
  
Focus. There was no time to nurse her wounds. There was still the bandit. Nimbly she skipped away from him before he could grab her again. A bitter smile twisted her lips as she watched him get unsteadily to his feet. Never taking her gaze from him, she tugged one of the larger splinters from her arm, hissing at the pain, and dropped the bloodstained fragment heedlessly to the ground as her enemy regarded her sullenly.   
  
"Is that the best you can do, Little Girl?" the bandit sneered, licking his lips. "That was fun... Tanaka said you liked to play."  
  
Lina took a deep breath, which was a mistake, as suddenly all the smells of the place, assaulted her at once. Mouldy straw, damp stone, and half a dozen different body odours and fetid stenches filled her nose, the tang of stale urine bringing her to a place she never wanted to be again.  
  
"You don't want to know the best I can do." Lina warned, feeling a hardness creep into her eyes. That face... She shook her head, trying to clear it as the man before her again took on the face of his brother and her hands became claws at her sides. Behind her eyes she saw herself reaching out with those clawed hands, to rip his skin, and any superficial resemblance away, to take some of the power he must know he wielded just by looking like *him*. "Trust me on that. Just tell me what I need to know and this doesn't have to get any worse."  
  
"Hey, why do I have to do all the putting out?" The man licked his lips suggestively. "Why don't you give me a little something and then we'll talk."  
  
Lina grinned with deceptive innocence. "I was hoping you'd say that... Flare Bit!"  
  
The bandit only had a moment to duck, but he was too slow. He screamed in pain as a half dozen of the tiny, searing hot spheres connected with his skin. Not as powerful as Flare Arrow, but the little balls of flame that darted from Lina's hand burned just as hot and bright, and left circular, blackened crimson marks like the touch of red hot iron.   
  
"Flare Bit! Flare Bit!" Casually Lina cast a few more rounds, and savoured the pain-filled rage of the man's screams. She'd been on the wrong end of this spell once or twice and she'd never forget the feeling as the tiny slivers of brilliant heat connected again and again. The damage wasn't crippling by any means, but each hit had seemed to call up all the anger and hatred that had ever existed inside her. Now she was the one casting the spell, and still it was her anger and hatred that grew with each of the man's screams. The more she burned him, the more he screamed, the more she realized that it was a never-ending cycle; the more he hurt, the more she hated, and the more she hated, the more she wanted to hurt him. But he deserved it, he deserved it, why should she be afraid of giving a bandit what he deserved when he and his clan had been ready to do so much more to her...  
  
She braced herself for another round, her whole body thrumming with anger like a plucked harp string, muscles and tendons pulling against her bones with tension, tight enough to snap at the slightest pressure. Her fingers cracked as they wove the air and the red hot spheres of pain took shape again...  
  
"Stop it, bitch!" growled the bandit. He launched himself towards Lina, fists flying, but with a whispered chaos word, she levitated away, arrow swift in her rage.  
  
"Ah ah ah," Lina's lip curled into a sneer, "look but don't touch, and just for that... Dis Fang!" She had to drop the levitation to cast the other spell, but she landed neatly on her feet, watching as dark energy wrapped itself around her assailant, leaving him writhing on the ground in pain. She tilted her head consideringly and fired off another spell, "Blast Ash!" She saw still more darkness engulf her assailant. It was as if she was casting the darkness and pain inside her onto him, watching him collapse under the burden. Dirt, filth, rot, she would not rest until he, and all his kind were dead...  
  
They'd tried to do their worst to her and failed. Now she would do her worst to them.  
  
Darkness. They had put this darkness inside her.   
  
She would give them darkness.  
  
A strange calm settled over her as she floated back towards the ground, and called on the magic within her as she formed the words of the chant that would set her free. "Darkness beyond twilight..." A hot, dry wind began inside the building, which by rights should have been impervious to weather.  
  
"Lina?" a voice echoed dimly as she went on.  
  
"...crimson beyond blood that flows..." The wind picked up, lifting little bits of straw and sending them swirling, catching in her hair as it whipped wildly about her face.  
  
"Lina!" Gourry's voice came to her from a great distance. "Lina, you're in the middle of a town, locked in a cell! What are you doing?!"  
  
"...buried in the flow of..." Power flowed singing through her veins, blotting out thought, feeling, reason, pain, pleasure, it was all gone, and magic was all that remained, beginning to gather between her hands.  
  
"LINAAAAAAAAA!" She heard a thump and a clatter, saw a flash of blue and gold in her periphery as Gourry reached through the bars towards her.  
  
"...huh?" Suddenly the power slipped free, and the wind died down around them.  
  
"Lina...!" the swordsman panted, "are you still okay with this?"  
  
"I'm alright, Gourry," Lina reassured the swordsman, though inside she was shaken. Fireballs indoors were bad enough, but the Dragon Slave... when she was locked in a cell? /I need to finish this./  
  
The bandit was staring at her, unmoving, as if, perhaps for the first time, he had some notion of just what kind of power he was really dealing with. The thought was a surge of destructive glee reawakened inside of her. Respect. Power and pain were the only things that gained you any respect from a bandit.  
  
"Talk," Lina instructed the man in a cold voice, feeling a sudden weariness creep into her bones, the thwarted energies summoned by the Dragon Slave leeching her strength. /What was I doing there?/ The question rang in her head and there was no really good answer except that she had lost her focus, acted on instinct alone. "You don't know how close I just came to wiping you from the face of the earth."  
  
"Not close enough."   
  
Oh, he just had to push it, didn't he? Or maybe he knew that deep down, where it really counted, he was the one pushing her. "Dark Mist..." the spell fell from Lina's lips softly, a whispered pledge of enduring defiance. Its effect was immediate as the whole room filed with darkness, blotting out the light from the windows.  
  
"Lina?" Gourry called in the darkness, "what are you doing now?"  
  
In the dark, Lina didn't dare answer, as it was, she did have to speak and reveal herself at least once more. "Balus Rod!" Now that she was armed, she slashed through the darkness of the cell, this way and that, even the light from the whip-like rod she now held did not pierce the gloom.  
  
She could hear the breathing of her enemy - it had become harsh, shuddering with pain. It was almost too easy to lash him, again and again, hearing his screams, until she realized that he had been luring her closer. Suddenly she felt his weight connect, knocking her to the floor, and the spell-rod in her hands vanished as he struggled to press his chains against her throat, choking off her breath.  
  
But she had just enough for two words. "Digger... volt!" The powerful electricity shot from her hands, and sent her assailant flying from her to crash against the wall.  
  
"Uhhhh, how's the interrogation coming?" she heard the nervous voice of the guard leader ask. "I have to have a hanging tomorrow, so I hope you haven't killed him."  
  
"Lighting!" Lina called the spell that would dissipate the dark. As her vision cleared, she saw the blackened bandit sprawled on the floor, looking even worse than he had earlier today when she had fought him. With some relief she saw he was still breathing and his eyes were open.  
  
She walked towards him. "How'd you like that spell? Hurts doesn't it? You're lucky it didn't kill you, but I wasn't touching anything vital."  
  
The man slowly sat up, and she could see one arm hung uselessly at his side - it must have taken the brunt of the electricity from the spell. She tried not to choke on the sickly sweet smell of burned flesh. It smelled like her mother's roast pork...  
  
She began to gather up her energies as she advanced, tension still coiling a threat in her limbs but he looked so awful that deep down she knew there couldn't possibly be any more fight left in him.. "You have lots of non vital spots, you know... Your other arm, your legs... or... I wonder what it would feel like coursing through your 'male pride', huh? I could do that for you, if you like... I want you to feel really... special."   
  
He'd endured a lot, even come close to being Dragon Slaved, but for the first time, Lina saw real fear in his eyes. She savoured it.  
  
The bandit swallowed dryly, and wiped at his ear, which was trickling a small stream of blood. His face was black with soot, making the whites of his eyes stand out, rolling in a way that reminded Lina of a spooked horse. "Okay... okay... what do you want to know?"  
  
She sat there, holding the spell, a menacing glimmer in her hands, as the rest of the guards plied their questions, camp location, bandit numbers, strength, supplies. She waited patiently until they were done, and then asked the one question that was most important to her.  
  
"Why were you after me?"  
  
"I don't know..." The man admitted. "My brother, he's always been a little secretive, we got to keep you for a while, but then we had to hand you over, alive... it's not what we usually do, wagging tongues and all, I guess he made a deal with someone... but he wouldn't talk about it."  
  
"Well, unlike some people, I don't make deals with bandits." Lina lifted her hand, still containing the dreaded energy, and saw the realization and sheer terror pass over the face of Tanaka's brother. Before the resemblance had haunted her, but now it gave her a bitter satisfaction as she imagined doing the same to the man she truly hated and wanted to destroy. The strong smell of urine filled the air, fear causing the bandit to lose control of his bodily functions, as she released the spell...  
  
...and the light in her hand faded away, leaving the bandit's family jewels, if not his dignity, intact.  
  
She left her victim curled into a catatonic ball, whimpering, but very much alive.  
  
Her male audience was pale and shaken by the tension of the last few moments, and the implied threat to another's manhood, however deserved. She hadn't been using her full powers, but it was obvious the men had never had the opportunity to witness sorcery first hand. The guardsman who let her out of the cell was trembling, and gave her a great deal of room.  
  
She smirked to herself as she saw a few making superstitious signs against the evil eye and witchcraft. Such precautions were useless against her, but it was a standing joke among the sorcery guilds to allow the magically ignorant some illusion of comfort.   
  
"Uhhh... thank you..." the guard captain began hesitantly. He too was pale, and all signs of his drunkenness had mysteriously vanished - excitement and fear was a good way of producing sobriety. "That was... effective, yes... but it's late, so we should probably get some sleep, what with the big day tomorrow and all..." Lina grabbed her cloak and the rest of her things, sensing his unease as he began to shepherd them towards the door. He had been affable before, but after seeing a display of her power, and her anger, at close range, the guard captain was now more than a little uncomfortable.  
  
Plastering a smile onto her face to hide her weariness, she answered the captain. "Yes... tomorrow."  
  
"Are you, ummm, going to witness the execution?" the captain asked.  
  
"It's my right as one of the injured parties."  
  
"Of course, of course!" The captain agreed hastily. "But I'm sure you'll want to move on afterwards, a sorceress as important as yourself, so many people to see..." The flattery, and the transparent attempt at appeasement, did not disguise the subtle, fearful probing of her intentions to be sure she wasn't going to linger.  
  
/I guess it's lucky I don't want to settle down anywhere,/ Lina thought as she stepped out into the night, Gourry following behind. Idly she wondered if anyone *would* take her now. The captain had just proved that while some people were willing to overlook her reputation, they weren't quite as willing after witnessing her methods firsthand. Well, there was always Seyruun - Amelia and Prince Phil were the exception - she may have destroyed part of the holy city, but in doing so she had saved the rest of it from being destroyed as well.  
  
The only other place Lina could think of, apart from settling into a cottage in the middle of nowhere, was her hometown in Zephilia. They would take her back instantly, albeit for certain grudgingly, for the sake of their beloved resident Knight of Ceiphied. Why, she could be back stomping grapes with the other virgins any time she - err, well, maybe not that part. And Luna would know instantly, Lina knew she would, and would probably demand to know why she wasn't married - her 'Big Sis' was worse than Mom, sometimes.  
  
/Like I would ever go back there./ No, she'd be perfectly happy if she never saw Luna again. Of course her parents were there too, but they knew how she felt about them. Didn't they?   
  
"Lina, you're shivering," Gourry's voice interrupted her morose thoughts.   
  
"I am?" She shook her head, startled out of her introspection, and reached up, rubbing the back of your neck.  
  
"And your arm is bleeding!" Gourry grabbed the wounded appendage and surveyed the damage. "What were you thinking in there anyway?"  
  
"It's just a few splinters," she countered defensively. "I'll pull them out when we get back to the inn." A cool night breeze swept over them and she shivered again.  
  
"Lina..." the swordsman began chidingly, then bit his lip as she shot him a glare. "Here, let me take that stuff so you can put your cloak back on."   
  
"I hate that cloak," she said of the plain, dark grey serge she had chosen at the tailors to wear until a new sorceress-style cloak (currently drying back at the inn) could be made. "It looks so ordinary. It was probably made for some peasant's wife."  
  
"It brings out your hair - now put it on," he instructed in a tone that would brook no argument, while at the same time making a clever appeal to her vanity.  
  
Lina did as Gourry asked, but not without a grumble under her breath.  
  
"Now let's go back to the inn."  
  
A movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she held up a hand in warning. "Shhh, wait..."  
  
She saw Gourry's gaze shift slightly, even though he didn't move. "Across the square, by the stocks," he breathed, barely above a whisper, "I see it too..."  
  
"Do they see us?"  
  
"Not yet..."  
  
"This way..." Lina ducked low and broke into a run, coming to rest in the deeper shadows cast by the scaffold. Gourry joined her a moment later and Lina tugged her hood over her head to hide her bright hair before rising just enough to peer over the gallows platform and see what was going on beyond.  
  
The shadowy figures surrounded Kenji, drawing closer, and it looked very bad for the young bandit. Harassment from crowds was part of the punishment of being in the stocks, and it was common for offenders to be pelted with rotten vegetables or worse, but that sort of behaviour was usually limited to daylight hours when passers by would take a break from their worries to torment someone helpless.  
  
These people had gone out of their way to come after dark - it wasn't too hard to guess what they had in mind.  
  
"All it takes is a little blood, and then the sharks start circling," Lina muttered.  
  
"What is it, Lina?"  
  
"It looks like those guys over there plan to take the term 'jailbait' to a whole new level."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Just look, you'll figure it out."  
  
Gourry peeked up over the rim of the scaffold and Lina felt him tense up, ready for battle. She felt a hint of exhilaration as she saw the serious frown that etched his brow in profile - this was one situation where the swordsman's mind was as keen as his blade. "What are we going to do?"  
  
It was a good question, and one they didn't have long to answer, judging by the soft, insidious laughter and the suggestive ways the shadowed men were already touching the helpless adolescent.  
  
"We could take them," she whispered. That wasn't a problem, but this was more than looking the other way, this was taking action against townspeople who, to her knowledge, had committed no crime, and siding with an acknowledged criminal. Perhaps, but he was also helpless, paying the price for his crimes - and as far as Lina knew, being raped by a gang of thugs was not part of the punishment laid down by the law.  
  
"Bandits have no rights", her own words came back to haunt her. It was obviously what these people thought as well, but Lina had never taken advantage of someone who couldn't defend themselves either. Anyone she fought had usually marked her as easy pickings because of her small stature and aimed to bully her first.  
  
Kenji had never done anything to her, she realized. He had been one of the hangers on, he had tried to posture and act the way the rest of the bandit clan would have, but he hadn't been very good at it. He had been wooden whenever he'd tried to sound macho, and the only time he'd sounded truly sincere was when he had lectured her - imagine, a bandit lecturing *her*! - about her supposed hypocrisy.  
  
It sounded like he'd had a pretty crappy life, no one to really care about him, people only interested in what they could get from him. But what if someone did stand up for him? Maybe he could change.  
  
"I'm going," Lina decided. "You stay here."  
  
"But Lina..."  
  
"I'm going to see if I can do this without frying anyone. You're my backup. I'm counting on you."  
  
Wrapping her cloak around her, she levitated, rising up into the night sky and headed off away from the scene, making a slow circle around the square, and approaching behind the group of miscreants gathered around the helpless figure in the stocks. A side effect of the levitation spell was that the high output of magic caused a nimbus of light to form around her which was only visible after dark.   
  
Thus it was an eerily glowing Lina who made her way onto the scene and hovered over the heads of the would-be rapists, circling them slowly, waiting for someone to notice...  
  
They were pretty intent on their prize, however, and so she impatiently cleared her throat. "Ahem!"  
  
One by one the thugs turned around. And froze.  
  
"A g-g-g... Ghost!"  
  
The collective wail of terror rose from the group, and they took off in a cloud of dust. Lina watched their progress in amusement, particularly fascinated with one fellow who was trying to run with his pants undone. He would scramble a few feet, fall on his face, yank up his pants, scramble a few more feet, and then the cycle would continue. She chased him to be sure he was gone, and then doubled back, alighting in front of Kenji, who, of course, could not go anywhere.  
  
"...you?!" was the young bandit's startled exclamation.  
  
"Yes me," Lina answered cocking one hip. They stared at each other awkwardly for long seconds and she finally frowned. "Ummm, did I...? Was I in time?"   
  
"Nothing happened."  
  
She checked a sigh of relief and wondered just what had gotten into her.  
  
Kenji tried to lift his head in the wooden frame that enclosed his neck. He was dirtier than when they had last met, and Lina didn't want to think about some of the stuff that smeared him. "Some types like to toy with you a bit before... Ummm, yeah, guess I was lucky that way... 'course they would have gotten around to it sooner or later. I guess I owe you one."  
  
Lina saw Gourry come around the scaffold, heading towards her. "Forget it - I know there's no honour among thieves. I... guess I just felt sorry for you. C'mon Gourry!" she called to the swordsman, purposefully loud to mask the uneasy whispering voices which had been churned up inside her. "Let's get out of here."  
  
"No, I mean it," the young thief replied, projecting his voice against her retreating back. "You're stubborn enough, aren't you? Listen to me, because I'm only going to say this once."  
  
"Fine." She turned around and blew a strand of hair from her eyes, feigning indifference, but inside she was very interested in what the bandit boy would say.  
  
"Leave," Kenji instructed her grimly. "Leave while you can. Go far away from this place because we're very, very close to you. He's still after you - and he isn't going to stop until he gets what he wants." 


End file.
